madison lush

So Unhappy

2011-11-09T23:49:00.002-06:00

Why is it so hard for men to just live up to their expectations ? Every time I ask Mitch for anything, even just a little thing, he fucks it up. I know a lot of the things I ask him may seem like I don’t have the authority to ask, but I do it because I have no other way to have him prove to me that he’s changed. Does that make sense? It makes sense in my crazy, mixed up brain but I don’t know if it makes sense to other people. Tonight is the first night in forever that I’ve actually wanted to buy a bottle of liquor and just get wasted. That's a horrible way to feel, especially since I'm not supposed to be drinking but I just want this feeling to go away. I know it’s not a solution but I think I finally realized tonight that nothing is ever going to change. HE is never going to change. The worst part is, I actually slept with him last night. It’s been awhile since I had any so I was feeling really lonely and horny last night and asked him if he would “service” me. It was so good, and sweet, that I guess I ended up acting like a girl. It's not like I want to get back together or anything but he's starting to wear me down. Every time we talk he guilt trips me because I don't want to get back together and he does. So I've started feeling bad and thinking that maybe I'm just emotionally damaged and he has changed. Then tonight, he promises me he'll be back in an hour. He's only going home to shower and take care of some stuff. Three hours later and he's still not here. What the hell is wrong with me?! I know him. I know he can’t be trusted and he never follows through with anything, so why do I put myself through this? I must be a masochist, or maybe a glutton for punishment. Definitely a sucker. For sure! It's just that I'm so tired of being alone that I actually want to believe the good in him. Unfortunately, the only person suffering is me. Lovely.

Four steps backward

2011-07-15T23:45:00.002-05:00

I am sitting here on this lovely Friday night and feeling very anxious. I can't seem to shake this feeling of impending doom. My lease is up at the end of the month and my situation is really messed up. I can't afford to get a place by myself right now so I've agreed to move in with my Bestie and her boyfriend. I've never lived with her before because she's almost 29 and still can't take care of herself. I have always felt that if we ever lived together it would be the end of our very long friendship. I don't want that. I really do love her a lot but her house is the house I go to when I want to party or the place everyone crashes at after the party is over. It's not the place you live at. It's not the place you go home to after a long days work and kick your feet up in the living room with a book and relax. I need my space. I need my quiet time. It's detrimental to my health. And there is always someone there. I don't think that house is ever quiet. It's like a frat house. I don't want to live in a frat house. I'm an adult. It's OK to go over there once in awhile and party but it's nice to be able to leave and come home to a HOME.

So I'm sitting here on the eve of what feels like the end of my freedom. There are always going to be people around me now no matter the time of the day. It's really eye opening and kind of nerve wracking.

One of the worst parts about the whole situation is that I had to get rid of one of my cats. Robbie already has two cats and a dog so I didn't want to bring my three cats over there. Ginger is the quietest of my three cats and she doesn't like being around a lot of people. I thought the best thing to do would be to let her live with Kammie for the next couple of months until I get my own place. Kammie used to be my roommate so Ginger knows her and will feel comfortable with her. I took Ginger to her house tonight and I swear it feels like I've lost one of my own kids. I didn't realize it would be this difficult but I am really sad to be parted with her. I've had her for 7 years; ever since she was a baby. So I guess it is kind of like parting with one of my own kids. This whole situation really blows.

I'm going to try to make the best of the situation once I get there. If I get overwhelmed I'm going to separate myself in my room and take some alone time. I'll really be saving on rent so that will be nice and every time I get stressed out I'll just repeat that over and over.

But tonight I can't help but be overcome with anxiety. Maybe I'll go take a valium and go to bed. There's nothing productive about sitting around worrying about things you can't change right?

Sick as shit

2011-06-12T03:00:00.002-05:00

I spent a lovely two days in the hospital this week. The embarrassing part about the whole situation is that I’ve been there so much the ER doctor recognized me straight away. Didn’t even have to pull my history to see what I was there about. Pretty fucking lame if you ask me. I have a disease called pancreatitis and you usually get it from drinking too much or its hereditary. I am a double whammy, meaning it runs in my family and I drink too much. Or at least I did drink too much. Now I drink considerably less than I used to but it’s still considered too much because even one drop off alcohol now is too much for my pancreas to deal with. The ironic part of this situation is that I hadn’t even been drinking this time to cause the flare up.

I came home from work and was cooking dinner (Chinese), and then I started getting the stomach pains. At this point in the game I can tell how strong the attack will be just by the strength of the pains. This one wasn’t letting up so I headed into the ER. They tested my pancreas levels, (I can never remember the name. It’s like lybase, or licase levels). The normal level is up to 60 and mine were at 798, so they told me I had to be admitted.

The next two days are not any kind of fun. Even though they doped my up on dilauded every two hours, and gave me my own room, I wasn’t allowed to have any food or water the whole time. The point of being there is to give my pancreas a rest, so that means no food or water and being hooked up to the IV for two days. And I can’t even eat any good food for at least a week.

This is such a horrible disease but I am doing everything they say I should because the alternatives are not acceptable to me. I can either become a diabetic or will end up not being able to digest my food. I don’t have insurance anymore so this whole experience probably put me thousands of dollars in the hole. I can’t even blame anyone for my circumstances because I’ve basically put myself in this situation. No more binge drinking for me. Life is so awesome right now I can’t even explain it.

Crisis of faith

2011-06-12T00:43:00.002-05:00

I'm having a crisis of faith. I don't believe in people anymore. I feel like somewhere along the line I got screwed over by too many people and it has made me lose my faith in others. I literally feel damaged or burned inside and I have to wonder if people ever come back from something like this? How do you regain the ability to trust other people when so many people that you have put your trust in have basically stomped all over it?

My best friend and I have recently decided to make our relationship official. We spend so much time together, and sleep together on occasion, so why not see where it goes? Except I'm me and we've already gotten into huge knock down drag out fights because I am a social retard and have no idea how to do the relationship thing anymore. I feel like there is this essential piece of me that got broken awhile ago, or I lost, and without it I am incapable of forming a lasting relationship with another human being. I thought that things would be different with him because he knows me better than anyone but it's not. I am acting the same way I did when we were just friends but it's like I'm not doing anything right. He wants me to talk to him more, and says I am being standoffish and not intimate. THIS IS ME!!! He wanted me so why the hell am I all the sudden doing something wrong? Why do things have to change when you are in a relationship? I guess otherwise we'd just still be friends with benefits right?

I constantly feel like the other shoe is going to drop and he's going to screw me over and there's nothing I can do about this. That piece of me that believed in happy endings, and people are generally good has been beaten out of me. I wonder, can I ever get that back or do I just find a way to connect with someone even though I've lost faith? Does being jaded make me a hard woman who's cold and brittle?

I don't know what the answers are but I know that somethings gotta give. I really can't keep going through the motions hoping things will be different and I don't want to give up hope. I'm too young to become my mother. She's in her 40's and already she knows she will be alone for the rest of her life. My grandmother was like that too. Truthfully, it scares the shit out of me. I want to be able to connect with someone, and share my life with them. I want kids and I want to stop seeing the worst in people. I guess my heart is really heavy this evening and I have a lot on my mind. I'm just glad I have this blog so I can put my thoughts down and I don't explode from them. I'm going to bed. Hopefully tomorrow will be a lighter day.

Love sucks

2011-03-25T23:44:00.003-05:00

With my dating experience, I've noticed that it is really hard to find an excellent guy out there. By excellent I mean someone who is a great father, (or capable of being one)goes to work and pays the bills, treats you with love and respect, and is fun and exciting. This is the kind of guy that I would find myself lucky to be dating so I can't help feeling infuriated when I see someone I know leave a guy just like this. What more could anyone ask for? To be fair, I am not in this relationship so I don't know all the ins and outs but I do know for the most part, this couple has been very happy together. They have a beautiful daughter, who they both love very much, a nice home, good jobs, and they are really good friends. At this time though, she has moved out of their place and has yet to give him a reason for leaving their family. He is absolutely devastated, and I am so sad because it pains me to see him hurting so much and I don't know how to help him. I am not good with endings. I guess you could say that I have abandonment issues and I can't understand this situation. Maybe she has just fallen out of love. That happens to some people. I don't understand it but I guess it does happen. But I can't help but feel angry at the selfishness of this whole situation. I know only too well how hard it is to find someone that is worthy of even dating, let only making a life with, so why throw away a good thing? What's the point? Well, I'm done ranting. I just had to get that off my chest.

I have cancer

2011-03-12T02:54:00.002-06:00

Well, not really.. but my stomach feels like it. Went out for my brothers 29th birthday and I drank wayyyy too much alcohol. Now my pancreas feels like it's on fire and I don't know why I'm actually surprised. After the last ER visit, and the millionth doctor telling me I should never drink again, it's kind of stupid of me to keep repeating the same behavior over and over again.

I feel so old and I'm not even close to 30 yet. I used to party my ass off, wake up and drink a beer for breakfast. Now I wake up, pop a vicodin, lay on the couch for 2 days in agony and feel embarrassed that I've stepped back into my frat house days. God, I hate getting old. Even my excuses when I call in for work have become weak and lame. I use to have that shit in the bag and now I feel the glares on my back when I come back after calling in because of a massive hangover. It's not like I'm going to teach kids though when I have vodka sweating out of my pores. Might cause the little monsters to get contact or some such nonsense.

Alright, it's 4 am and my insomnia is starting to fade so night night.... xoxo

Day 21- A picture of something that makes you happy

2011-03-09T12:03:00.004-06:00

Day 21- A picture of something that makes you happy

I am going to admit something that I mainly keep a secret from most people. I am addicted to t.v. I guess most people are but I have a few shows that I think of as "guilty-pleasures" and are kind of embarrassing. The first would be The Vampire Diaries. I have read all of the books, even though they are mostly for teens, but I like the show better. Ian Somerhalder is so hot and he has those gorgeous eyes; boy could bite me anytime!

When the Jersey Shore first came out I didn't watch it. I actually thought it was quite stupid. I ended up watching a marathon on MTV one Saturday when I was super hung over and I have been addicted to it ever since. I would never actually hang out with these people though. I think their love of hair gel, orange skin, and over-processed hair is ridiculous, they objectify women by calling them grenades and whatnot but the show does have it's funny moments. And Vinny is pretty cute! (Obviously I'm a sucker for cute face)

Day 20- Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future

2011-03-07T01:33:00.002-06:00

Day 20- Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future

Hey Guys I'm back! Sorry it's been a couple of weeks but I have been mad busy. I'm really starting to like my new job working with kids for this After School program. It's really challenging but it's giving me a lot of experience working with kids and I hope it'll help me in the future. I don't know if you all watch the news much but if you have, you've probably heard about the budget crisis going on in Wisconsin and how it is affecting our teachers. I have been down at the capitol protesting and doing my part to try to get awareness out about how sheisty our governor is. I am worried that there may not be many teaching opportunities for me by the time I graduate and I've been very stressed out about it. I will try to keep the blog going as much as possible though. Sorry about the lapse but life happens.

Anyway, back to the 30 day challenge that has now turned into the 4 month challenge:

For day 20 I am supposed to talk about someone that I could see myself marrying or being with in the future. This is a very hard thing for me to talk about though because as you've probably learned from my previous posts, I do not have very good luck in the love department. I Guess you could say that I haven't had very much in the way of role models for relationships though. My parents divorced when I was 2 and I saw them in the same room with each other for the first time when I was 18 and graduated high school. My grandma was married twice and is also divorced from both her husbands. None of my friends have gotten married, and the longest relationship I've ever had is a year and a half. I feel like that's my curse and I can never seem to get a relationship to last longer than that.

Will I ever get married? I don't know. I don't want to end up alone like my grandma that's for sure. She once told me, after having a couple of margaritas one night at Pedro's, that she hasn't had sex since 1995. That is just sad. The way things are going that will probably be my fate too. Destined to end up as the neighborhood cat lady, alone, with cobwebs growing in my cuslapis from lack of use!

But if I had to create a list of the qualities I look for in a guy they would have to include the following:

1. Can't live at home with his mom, dad, grandparents, aunt, uncle, or any other family member (you might think that this shouldn't be my #1 thing but a lot of guys I meet are still living at home)

2. Has to like my family (this is harder than you would think because my family is so dysfunctional)

3. Doesn't smoke

4. Has to be motivated

5. Has to own a car (so tired of dating guys that don't own a damn car. I want someone to date, not someone to chauffeur)

6. Reasonably good looking, with a nice smile, good sense of humor, and takes care of himself

7. Reasonably intelligent

8. Treats me with respect, honesty, and caring

9. Has an accent

So there are a couple of examples of things I look for in a guy but he could also be any of the following and I would gladly take him:

Channing Tatum, Brad Pitt, David Beckham, Drake, Usher, Chris Evans, Sam Worthington, Johnny Depp, or Ryan Kwanten. Any of these guys would do.

Day 19- Nicknames you have; why do you have them

2011-01-13T00:00:00.002-06:00

Day 19- Nicknames you have; why do you have them

This 30 day challenge has sure been a challenge for me to complete on time. I don't know what it is but I have failed tremedously. I've decided that it's more about the content though than following the 30 day challenge day for day. Day 19 is a little hard for me to do because my nickname includes my last name and I don't really want to give that out. The story behind it is that two of my friends, brothers named 50 and Cali, nicknamed me Crunk D(last name here) because I get crunker than anyone they know. If you knew these guys you would realize how funny this is because these are two of the biggest black guys I know, ghetto to the core, and basically down to party at a drop of the hat. And yet, I am the person that they think of who parties the most. Another one of my nicknames is crunkness, which is basically the same thing but doesn't include my last name so it's easier to share.

Those are the only two nicknames I have. A friend of mine used to call me his little barbie because i'm blonde and used to wear little skirts and hot outfits when I was smaller but that's not really a nickname I go by.

Day 18- Plans, dreams, goals you have

2011-01-09T16:57:00.003-06:00

Day 18- Plans, dreams, goals you have

I've always wanted to be a singer. I can't sing a damn tune but that has never stopped me from singing at the top of my lungs in my car, in bars, or basically anywhere that there is music playing. It's really a damn shame that they don't give record deals to people who can't carry a tune because I'm sure my off pitch, no tone having ass could really be an excellent entertainer. Unfortunately that is not going to happen, as I've had to finally accept after being booed off the stage at many karaoke nights, so I guess I'll have to settle for the next best thing; being a teacher. I can always have sing-a-long days in the classroom and belt out tunes to the kids. They won't know any better and I'm sure that their parents won't mind me taking time out of the school day to practice my craft.

OK, back to reality. My plans for the foreseeable future are to finish my bachelors degree and start student teaching. My new years resolution is to finally get back into the gym on a regular basis and get back into shape. Over the last year and a half I've stopped going to the gym regularly and my body has definitely suffered for it. A skinny me is a happy me so my goal for the new year is to be a happy me again.

And maybe one day I'll finally be able to carry a tune and I'll get that record deal. I'll get rich and famous and hire a hot personal trainer that'll get me in the best shape of my life. I'll run into Channing Tatum or Brad Pitt at dinner and we'll have a hot, passionate affair.

Hey, it could happen.

Day 17- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why

2011-01-08T16:53:00.002-06:00

Day 17- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why

If I had to switch lives with someone for one day it would probably be someone rich and powerful like Jay-z or Jennifer Aniston. I would say Jay-z because I think it would be interesting to find out what it's like to be a guy. I've always wanted to know what it would feel like to have a dick and it sure wouldn't hurt having a beautiful wife like Beyonce to get it on with. The man sure can rap too so it would be so interesting to be inside his head and to see where he gets his inspiration from.

On the other hand I think Jennifer Aniston is one of the most beautiful women in the whole world. She just keeps getting hotter and hotter with age and it would be kinda cool to feel what it's like to be a famous movie star. I know that with this post I should have probably picked someone who is super intelligent, or is making a difference in the world but where is the fun in that? If it was only for one day you really couldn't make that much of a difference anyway so why not make it a fun day?

Day 16- Another picture of yourself. (Baby pic)

2011-01-07T16:42:00.004-06:00

Day 16- Another picture of yourself. (Baby pic)

I don't have any baby pics on my computer. In fact I don't have many baby pics at my house. My grandma tends to keep them all hostage at her house like we're still kids and incapable of keeping them nice.

So here is another picture of my beautiful niece and one of me and her. She really is the most beautiful little girl I think I've ever seen with those curls and blue eyes.

Day 15- Put your ipod on shuffle: first 10 songs that play

2011-01-06T18:48:00.002-06:00

Day 15- Put your ipod on shuffle: first 10 songs that play

I have a really eclectic taste in music which I think I've mentioned before. I love to put music on my ipod that has a good beat that I can work out too. When I put my ipod on shuffle here's the first ten songs that played:

1. Alessandro Viale - Sweet little thing
2. Wiz Khalifa - Black and Yellow
3. Camron - Killa cam
4. Etta James - At last
5. Blue Foundation - Eyes on fire
6. Evanescence - Call me when you're sober
7. David Guetta ft. Kid Cudi - Memories
8. Drake - November 18
9. Timbaland - Carry out
10. Nikki Minaj - Your love

If you haven't heard of any of those songs check them out they are all pretty good.

Day 14 - a Picture of you and your family

2011-01-05T15:22:00.003-06:00

Day 14 - A picture of you and your family

Here's a picture of my oldest brother and my sister-in-law who are two of my favorite people in the whole world. They party harder than I do and when the three of us get together we end up staying up all night. They are part of the reason why I have pancreatitis. Not sure why they don't have health problems since they drink as much or even more than I do now but I guess I just have temperamental organs.

Day 13 - A letter to someone who has hurt you recently

2011-01-04T19:25:00.003-06:00

Day 13- A letter to someone who has hurt you recently

I'm back. I was thinking of doing all the posts that I had missed at once but I'm lazy and that's not going to happen. So I'm just going to pick up where I left off with day 13.

This letter is to one of my best friends. We seem to be growing apart recently and I'm not sure why. I know people grow apart as they get older and I'm really hoping that isn't it. I really love her a lot but some of her actions lately have really been making me mad. So this is to her:

Dear Robbie,

I am really disappointed in your actions lately. You tell me all the time that you want me to be happy but when I finally let down my guard and start dating again, you do whatever you can to mess it up. You say that you are worried about me and that you are just protecting me against that fact that he might cheat on me due to his past, but I really don't think it's any of your business. I do appreciate your concern but I feel like it's just causing more drama. How am I ever supposed to move on and get over my commitment problems if you won't let me try? You say that my dating him is causing problems between you and me but that's just crap. If there are problems between me and you, that's because you and me have problems. One of those problems is that I can not stand it that you keep bringing home strays and making us be friends with them. Just because you need people to follow you around all the time and the rest of us won't comply doesn't mean you need to go out of your way to try and incorporate new people into our group who the rest of us can't stand. And now you have this new girl living with you. Yet again. How are we supposed to work on our relationship if you keep letting all these different girls move in with you and take up all your time? It's not that I don't like her but she is YOUR friend. On new years I talked to you all of five minutes. Then you went upstairs with her and told everyone else to leave. I asked you why we all had to leave and she didn't and you told me that she was drunk and you didn't want her to drive. Yet it was okay for the rest of your friends, your BEST FRIENDS, to drive home after drinking all night. That was straight bogus and you knew it. Truthfully, now that Fletcher is moving out I basically don't see any reason to come over there. So if you want to work on this relationship you need to make more of effort. Maybe instead of going out and making new friends you should work on the relationships with the friends you have.

Love you (sometimes)

Lush

A little Break

2010-12-31T16:20:00.002-06:00

I just wanted to leave an update saying that I have not forgotten about my blog I've just had a lot of things going on this week. My job finally ended on Thursday and I am now unemployed. I am so happy to be out of that place it's not even funny. Now I can use my severance and unemployment to pay bills while doing something I really love but doesn't pay that much; teaching. I start working for an after school program next week. It's only part time so I need the unemployment but at least I will be working with kids and It'll look good on my resume. So with Christmas and New Years and the job ending I haven't had time to post but I will resume the blog challenge as soon as new years is over.

Catch ya on the flip side.

Lush

How I started the Blog

2010-12-23T12:56:00.003-06:00

Day 12- How you found out about blogger and why you made one

A couple of years ago I had broken up with The Ex and was feeling pretty shitty. He basically walked all over me, cheated on me, and left me high and dry in our apartment with all of the bills. I was sad, pissed, and miserable and I didn't know what to do about it. Someone mentioned that it might be cathartic to start a blog to get some stuff off of my chest. I immediately Googled blogs, since I Google everything, and found Blogger. A couple of months ago I read through all my blogs and it's really sad how much I talked about him but it really did help me get over him. Once I started feeling better the blog turned into more of a forum to talk about how crazy my life was, my funny ass friends, and other stuff that I had on my mind. My friends started reading it and gave me lots of encouragement saying it was pretty damn funny so I kept it up.

I took a hiatus from the blog last year when the Ex and I briefly got back together. He was uncomfortable with me talking about him over the Internet, even though I never used his real name, so I stopped. But then I realized that I was tired of him always monopolizing what I did, and he wasn't good enough for me, so I dropped his ass for good and started the blog again. I really enjoy it even though I don't always know what to talk about, I don't have a huge following, and I'm sure only a few people read it. But I'll keep it up as long as I have something to talk about.

More pictures

2010-12-22T13:02:00.007-06:00

Day 11- Here are some more pictures of me and my friends

Songs I listen to when I am happy, sad, etc...

2010-12-21T13:43:00.002-06:00

Day 10- Songs you listen to when you are happy, sad, bored, hyped, or mad

Day 10 is a list of music that I listen to when I am in a certain mood. I usually listen to rap or hip/hop but I like other music too. The only music I don't really like is country. I like Carrie Underwood and there are a couple of songs by Taylor Swift I like, but otherwise I am not a big fan of country.

Here is a list of moods and examples of songs I listen to:

Happy: Up all night by Drake. I love this song and it's my ring tone on my phone right now.

Sad: Take a bow by Rihanna. Whenever I'm sad I like to listen to girly songs. I love oldies too like At last by Etta James.

Bored: Memories by Kid Cudi and David Guetta. When I'm bored I like to listen to music and clean my house. This is a really fun song to clean to. I really love anything that I can sing to and has a good beat.

Hyped: Come Around by M.I.A. I love the beat to this song. It's such a fun song to play in the car with the music blaring.

Mad: Signs by Nonpoint. I like to listen to rock music when I'm pissed off. It kind of lets off steam.

Something I'm proud of

2010-12-21T11:23:00.004-06:00

Day 9- Something you're proud of in the last few days

Well technically day 9 was yesterday but I was sick so I forgot all about it. So I'll do two posts today.

At my job we get paid every other Thursday, but on the Tuesday of the same week we have the capability of checking how much our paycheck will be. I got in today and was pleasantly surprised that my check is $300 more than it's supposed to be. It says that it's for overtime. I never worked overtime. I NEVER work overtime. I can't stand being here when I have to be, let alone come in for overtime. Usually I am a pretty honest person. I don't steal from friends, even though they have things that I want. Like Robbie's new black Coach purse with the purple lining. If I was a worse human being I would have snatched that up in a second. I do take the occasional glass from a bar, or a knife from The Texas Roadhouse, because they have really awesome steak knifes, but all in all I would say I'm a good person. So saying that, it would probably be responsible of me to inform my job that they overpaid me.

But I'm not. I mean, who's to say that it wasn't a mistake? Maybe it's a Christmas bonus. Maybe they think I smell good everyday and wanted to give me some financial props for my overall goodness. I mean who cares? I'm keeping it. Instead of spending it on myself though I'm going to use it on Christmas presents. I was just going to buy everyone socks but now I can actually get everyone something nice. See, I'm a good person. I take from the rich and give to the poor. Yay me!

Short term goals for this month

2010-12-19T12:11:00.002-06:00

Day 8- Short term goals for this month

The horrible job that I have been working at for the last three years was bought out by another company and is closing it's doors Dec 31st. Normally I'd get upset about the fact they are stealing jobs from Americans and outsourcing to the Philippines or some such place but I can't find any reason to care. I hate my job so bad and I am so burned out from working in customer service I am ecstatic that it is ending and I can finally take a break.

I was supposed to start my new teaching position Jan 3rd but I told them I couldn't start so soon. I need a vacation. I feel bad that they need my help but I feel like if I rush into the job too soon, and don't take a break in between, that I'll just be over exerting myself and I don't want that. I have been going to school to be a teacher for the last couple of years. It's what I've been working so hard for. I want to start off with a good outlook and excited about doing a good job. That's not going to happen if I start so soon after leaving this place.

So my short term goals are to have an excellent Christmas, a chill new years, and take a month off to spend time with friends, get a pedicure finally, and go to the gym as much as humanly possible. Mostly I just need to spend some time doing me. I think it is an excellent plan.

A pic of someone that has had a big impact on me

2010-12-18T19:59:00.004-06:00

Day 7- A pic of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you

Here is a picture of my niece Rozlyn. She is almost three and the light of my life. Before she was born I never thought I wanted to have kids. I partied all the time and thought my life was always going to be an endless vodka-fest. My brother and his fiance were the same way but now that they've had a kid they are most settled and know what they want for the future. It's left a deep impression on me and made me see that I can have my cake and eat it too. I just have to find the right guy. Roz is the most beautiful, smart little girl I've ever met and I hope to have a daughter like her one day. One can only hope. :)

What super hero would I be

2010-12-17T20:55:00.011-06:00

Day 6 - What super hero would I be

When I was a little girl I always wanted to be Storm from the x-men. I thought it was so cool how she could knock over anyone with wind, or zap a bad guy with lightening all while looking gorgeous. If I was storm I would use the lightening thing to zap mother fuckers that pissed me off. "You cheated on me fucker?" ZAP "You spent all our rent money at the bar?" ZAP "You think women belong in the kitchen while you run the streets?" ZAP That would be a really good way to keep a guy in line.

Now that I'm older I would like to be Anita Blake from the Laurell K. Hamilton vampire hunter novels. Anita is small, tough, and doesn't take any shit from anyone. All good traits in a person. And she has a harem of men who are all in love with her and would do anything for her. Oh, if only this was real life. Sure, she has to kill a lot of people and gets into a lot of dangerous situations but that makes the sex more interesting. I have to say.... I think she's got it pretty good. What I wouldn't give for an hour with Jean-Claude's sexy ass. Imagine having sex with a 400 year old vampire. A man can get pretty good at something in 400 years. Yum Yum.

A place I've been to

2010-12-16T11:34:00.005-06:00

Day 5 - A place I've been to

One of my favorite places in the whole world is Vegas. I have family that lives out there and I've been there twice. When I was 7 my grandmother decided one night she'd had enough of Madison, packed up our Chevy, and drove my two brothers, my cousin, and I out to Vegas. That was one of the funnest trips I've ever been on. We drove through the Colorado Rockies and got freaked out at how crazy and steep those roads are. My grandma had a panic attack in Texas and we ended up at a hospital ER in the middle of the night where we encountered some cowboys that smelled like the foulest manure. I still remember that. For some reason every time I think about that trip I remember the smell of cow shit and chlorine. Probably because we spent all summer in my aunt's pool. I went out there again when I was 20 and my dad was living out there. None of the adults in my family really drink so when they took me to all the shows they gave me all their free drinks. I ended up smashed at Cesar's Palace the night before I left and puked on the plane on my way home. Good times.

When I was 13 my uncle paid for my trip to Budapest, Hungary where he lives. I had never been on a plane at that time and flew by myself from Chicago to London, then on to Budapest. I stayed for three weeks and it was a blast. I did a lot of things for the first time on that trip. I rode on my first plane, I rode on a subway, and took a taxi for the first time. We visited Budapest castle, parliament, saw a fashion show at the mall, and spent a weekend in Vienna, Austria. When we were in Vienna, my uncle took me to visit St. Peters church. They allow you to go to the very top of the church and view the city through telescopes. I got a little more than I bargained for though. On a near by building there was a naked old couple doing it on their balcony. It was my first time seeing people have sex. It did not make a good first impression on me. Oh the horror of all those wrinkles!

A habit I wish I didn't have

2010-12-15T10:40:00.002-06:00

Day 4 - A habit I wish I didn't have

This is a tricky one because everything I do is perfect so I really can't think of anything. OK let me stop. Actually there are quite a few things I do that I wish I wouldn't. The main one is that I fidget. I have ADD so it's really hard for me to sit still. Even when I am sitting still, I am always moving at least some part of my body. I squish my toes back and forth, over and over, or tap my fingers on the table, or bite the cap of my pen. I absolutely can NOT sit still. I've had guys tell me that I continuously move my feet while I'm sleeping too. It got so bad at one point that I finally went to the doctor and was prescribed Adderrall and diagnosed with ADD. I didn't even know that I had it. I used to get so restless and I would self-medicate with alcohol to try and calm my ass down because alcohol is a downer. I still like to drink obviously but when I take my medicine it's like the difference between night and day. I feel so much more focused and settled. I still fidget quite a lot and if there was a habit I wish I could change, that would be it.

A picture of your friends

2010-12-14T12:40:00.007-06:00

Day 3 of the challenge is a picture of my friends. I don't have one picture with most of my friends in it so I'm going to share a couple of pictures and give a little story behind them.

(From left to right: Khan, Sheety, ME, Woody, Acker, Khath, and Mccanty)

This is a picture of us on my 25th birthday. As you can tell I am drunker as hell. Actually we all are. We rented a hotel room in Wisconsin Dells for the night and went out partying at Marley's, which is a really cool bar. I ended up getting laid in the stairway of the hotel and passing out in the bathroom. Good times. I love it when I do stuff like that.

This is a picture from the same night. All the girls are the same except for Robbie who is on the far left. After this picture was taken we started getting our drink on in the room. I'm really surprised management never shut us down because we had three rooms near each other and we got pretty damn loud. Over all it was one of my best birthdays.

Here are a couple more pictures of me and my girls:

Me and Lupe out drinking

Me and Woody out drinking

Me and Kammie out Drinking

Notice how all of these pictures involve me and other people drunk? I sense a theme here.

The meaning behind my blogger name

2010-12-13T15:13:00.000-06:00

Day 2 of the challenge- The meaning behind your blogger name

Well technically day 2 should have been Friday but I had a very busy weekend and didn’t have any time to blog. It was my friend’s 30th birthday and some friends from Chicago came up so I ended up partying all weekend. Not good. But I’m restarting the challenge today which is probably not how it’s supposed to go but oh well.

This should be a pretty short blog because my blogger name is pretty simple to figure out. I am from Madison, WI and I am a lush. When I was thinking about what to call my blog a couple of different ideas popped into my head but none of them sounded as good to me as Madison Lush. So there you have it. Short, simple, and sweet. See you tomorrow.

The 30 day Challenge

2010-12-09T15:16:00.003-06:00

I have been having a hard time blogging lately. I've kind of run out of ideas on what to blog about. It sounds like a bunch of people are taking this 30 day challenge and I've decided it sounds like fun. Here is the challenge:

Day 1- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself
Day 2- The meaning behind your blogger name
Day 3- A picture of you and your friends
Day 4- A habit that you wish you didn’t have
Day 5- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to
Day 6- Favorite super hero and why
Day 7- A pic of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you
Day 8- Short term goals for this month and why
Day 9- Something you’re proud of in the past few days
Day 10- Songs you listen to when you are happy, sad, bored, hyped, mad
Day 11- Another picture of you and your friends
Day 12- How you found out about blogger and why you made one
Day 13- A letter to someone who has hurt you recently
Day 14- A picture of you and your family
Day 15- Put your ipod on shuffle: first 10 songs that play
Day 16- Another picture of yourself. (Baby pic)
Day 17- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why
Day 18- Plans, dreams, goals you have
Day 19- Nicknames you have; why do you have them
Day 20- Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future
Day 21- A picture of something that makes you happy
Day 22- What makes you different from everyone else
Day 23- Something you crave for a lot
Day 24- A letter to your parents
Day 25- What I would find in your bag
Day 26- What you think about your friends
Day 27- Why are you doing this 30 day challenge
Day 28- A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then?
Day 29- In this past month what have you learned?
Day 30- Who are you?

So today is Thursday, December 9, 2010 and I will start the challenge today.
Here is a recent photo of me:

15 interesting facts about me:
1. I am super afraid of bugs and I'm allergic to spiders.
2. I read really fast. I love to read and read a couple of books a week. I have a dozen or so authors I'm in love with and I re-read their books if I can't find anything else.
3. I hate it when people bite their silverware or scrape their fork and knife together. The sound absolutely drives me out of my mind.
4. I secretly fear that I am going to be alone forever.
5. I want a kid but I'm afraid I won't be a very good mother. I love kids and I'm going to school to be a teacher so I know that I'll probably be a good mother but it still scares me just the same.
6. I love green olives and I eat them straight from the jar.
7. I am addicted to TV. I think I would literally die if I couldn't watch my favorite shows every week.
8. I think my hair is my best feature.
9. I feel more comfortable in sleep clothes than I do in jeans and would wear yoga pants everyday to work if I could.
10. I laugh in my sleep sometimes
11. I am a really fast driver and get really irritated when I'm stuck behind a slow person. My friends are all scared to drive with me but I've never been in a car accident.
12. I think family is really important and would do anything for them.
13. My favorite colors are pink and black.
14. I am allergic to earrings and I don't feel comfortable unless I have a necklace on.
15. I can't watch scary or slasher movies. I am secretly afraid that someday someone will abduct me and kill me like in a scary movie so I can't watch them.

OK so day one down. 29 more to go.....

The Next day

2010-11-30T17:38:00.002-06:00

Last night was the first time in awhile that I've had a panic attack like that. My grandmother used to get them when we were growing up and they would scare the hell out of me. I knew she had problems, what with raising three grandchildren she didn't have to, but I couldn't fathom how things would get so bad that she would occasionally break down in a panic attack. Well now I know. Sometimes, no matter how strong you are, or how put together you are, sometimes life happens to be a little bit too much more than you can handle. And then you're sitting on your couch, with your cat, freaking out over the demands of your life, and wishing you had some valium to calm your ass down.

Or at least that's what happened to me. In the light of day, I am feeling much better. I'm usually a go with the flow kind of person but sometimes theres too much flow to go with. Patience is supposed to be a virtue and if I can just keep that mantra going in my head maybe I'll be able to survive the next several weeks at my job. And if that doesn't work I'm sure I could take a trip to the gun range this weekend to pop of a few rounds. That'll be sure to make me feel better.

Panic attack

2010-11-29T22:52:00.003-06:00

It has been such a crazy day. I woke up to find out I had my period and made me wonder how the rest of the day was going to go. Even though work is almost done, as they are laying us off at the end of the year, I am finding it harder and harder to go in everyday and put on a happy face and be content with how my life is now. Frankly, I am miserable. The turnover rate at my job is usually 6 months. I have been there for 3 years. And in customer service working in a call center for a total of 6 years. I'm tired. Im burntout. I spend all my days sitting in a cubicle at a job I hate because I feel I need the money to get by. I can't do it anymore. I really can't.

I always here people talking about changing their lives whenever they come to a cross roads well, here is mine. I am at a crossroads and I need to completely change my life around. And not just with the job situation. I've started getting lazy again because I'm so miserable which has started making gain weight again. Every weekend I do the same thing with the same friends and frankly, I am tired of it.

I want to take guitar lessons. And I want to learn how to fly a plane. Or sew. So I can fix my own clothes instead of having a friend show me how after waiting weeks and weeks to get together. I want to take a vacation and not have to worry about rent, and cable, and gas and lights. I want to be in a relationship again. I know I always talk about how I like being single, and I do, but I feel like it's time to be in a relationship again. I'm lonely. I'm 26 and I feel like im loosing my youth by spending my nights alone and it makes me so sad. I've realized I want a baby. Up until this point I've always wanted my career to be my #1 goal but I'm starting o realize that I've grown and could almost be ready to start a family.

All of this has been plowing down on me tonight and making me have a panic attack. Im sad. Im miserable. Or maybe I just have PMS> but either way, I've realized that I've become unhappy and unsatisfied with my life and I need a change. Stay tuned. Hopefully I will get the balls to change some of this shit instead of just acknowledging the problem and bitching about it.
Off to take my Valium so I can calm down. Night.xoxo

Puking it out

2010-11-05T12:00:00.002-05:00

I got the funniest phone call this morning from Robbie.

Last night she went out to the bar with her friend Megan. The night started out at Pedro's with a giant margarita. Robbie is no drinker so she started feeling pretty wasted after one. She decided to call her boy toy Toby. They have been fighting over the last couple weeks so she wanted to meet up with him. And she thought the strip club would be the perfect place. As their getting it on in her car, she decides to go down on him. Everything's going fine until he starts to cum. And what should happen? SHE THREW UP ON HIS COCK! That'll put a damper on the evening. I couldn't stop laughing when she told me this. What a great way to wake up!

The funniest part is that I could totally see this situation happening to me. I guess she'll think twice now before drinking so much before giving head.

Throwing Down

2010-11-01T10:57:00.003-05:00

Thursday night I ended up at a costume party at the Orpheum. We started out the night with a shot of vodka, which was probably the biggest mistake ever, and kept the party going with a continuous flow of vodka cranberries. The bartender at the event was a little cutie named Alex and she kept filling my drinks 3/4 full of liquor. How nice of her.

The next thing I remember is standing in Robbie's bathroom in my underwear arguing with her about god knows what. The way she tells it we got into an argument and I tried to push her down the stairs, punched her in the face, and then stormed out of the house. (after I got dressed of course)

What ACTUALLY happened, (I think), is we got into an argument in her bathroom while I was changing out of my costume. I did CHASE her down the stairs and I DID punch her in the face AFTER she dumped out my purse and all of my belongings on the floor. I keep getting these flashbacks of her snotty little face right before I popped her one. Here's how I remember it:

Robbie: (as she grabs my purse and empties out the contents on the floor) And this is my purse. I paid for it and I'm taking it back

Me: I can't believe you just did that (as i'm standing in my underwear glaring at her with alcohol fueled hatred in my eyes)

Robbie: what the hell are you going to do about.. (flies backwards because my fist just connected with her cheek)

The worst thing about all this isn't the fact that I was in my underwear in front of her boyfriend, or that we got into a physical altercation even though we're best friends, but the really bad thing is neither of us can remember what the whole fight was about in the first place. I went over to her house the next day and made up with her, but I keep having this feeling that I should be mad at her. I mean, why else would I attack her unless she really had it coming?

I guess we'll just have to blame it on the vodka and call it a day because I can't remember anything.

A guys guide to the Red-Eyed Monster

2010-10-28T11:24:00.004-05:00

Every woman has to face a monthly annoyance so ridiculous that it makes most of us turn into red-eyed monsters. Now not every monster is the same. Each monster has a different temperament, but for the most part, those temperaments run to angry, bitchy, emotional, snappy, cranky, and irate. Here are a list of the different type of monsters we become:

Monster 1: This is your typical monster. On a normal day, her personality is usually happy, and she is fun to be around. During her MONSTER DAYS, monster 1 gets a little grumpy in the morning. She may bitch that there's no coffee made when she wakes up, or grumbles if she can't get a cab to work. But basically she is still herself. Just a little more irritated at the small things. As far as I'm concerned she's got it good so she should stop whining.

Guys: Make sure there's a fresh pot of coffee for her in the morning, kids are dressed and fed, and the dog hasn't crapped on the rug. Bypass these little annoyances and Monster 1 will soon be gone. Otherwise you may next be visited by Monster 2.

Monster 2: This monster is the most common. She gets irritated at the most minor things, has no reasoning, and blames everyone for any problems she faces during the day. She has been known to snap at a person for jumping in line at the grocery store, or taking her parking spot. She is quick to bitch anyone out who questions her authority, and is basically not someone you want to be around one week out of each month. She may break down and cry during hallmark commercials and get irate if anyone laughs at her.

Guys: Try to stay out of the way as much as possible. Too much interaction with you and she will find something to blame you for. Clean up the house if need be, but otherwise, be incognito! (SN: you may think you're jokes are funny, and she may too when she's not being ridden by the monster, so if you value your sanity, save the jokes for another day) This is very important. The more upset and irritated she becomes, the better the chance she will turn into Monster #3.

Monster 3: This is the most dangerous monster. She should technically be locked in a cage, and separated from all humanity during her MONSTER DAYS. Any small thing may set her off. Loud noises, soft noises, bad weather, good weather, no traffic, too much traffic. And the most important thing is ... NEVER TELL HER SHE IS WRONG. You might end up losing you favorite appendage. (Don't say I didn't warn you)

Guys: Beware of long nails and biting. She is a fierce monster.

Im back

2010-10-24T16:38:00.004-05:00

It has been a couple of months since I posted because I really haven't had anything interesting to write about. The MAN situation is basically non-existent. Yes I'm getting laid periodically but it's nothing to write about. I guess that says something about the sex if it's so not important that you can't even take five minutes to blog about it. *Sigh* Oh well...

Bryan has come back into the picture. Quick recap: Bryan is a really cute guy that I met last year while I was hooking back up with The Ex. He races motorcycles and travels around the world. I couldn't handle his traveling and we eventually just stopped talking. A couple of weeks ago I got a text from him while I was out for Kammie's bday. He wants to get together and "catch up." A red flag immediately went off in my head and I questioned him about his motives.

He "claims" that he's not just trying to sleep with me but we'll see. He's in Florida right now and should be back this week. I never really felt the "spark" with him that I did with The Ex but he does have money and he is good in the sack. So we'll see what happens. To Be Continued....

In other news... it's that time again. Fall. Last year around this time I got H1N1 and basically out of commission for three months. I really hope that doesn't happen again this year but with my immune system you never know. We were told that our office is closing it's doors for good on 12/30 and then I will be out of a job. YEAH BUDDY! I can not wait to get out of this hell hole. Then i'm going to take a couple of months to live on unemployment, travel to Vegas hopefully, and basically rest after three long years working in customer service. I know the $ is good but it really isn't worth it. And now that I have my degree I should be able to find something more in my field.

So there you have it... not much going on. Will try to blog more as more develops. Halloween is coming up and it's louis' bday so should have more to report later.

xoxo

Lush

Whiskey and Cigarettes

2010-08-16T17:46:00.004-05:00

(For any smokers out there that may happen to read this next post: yes I am talking about you too)

My job has the highest attrition rate out of any place that I have ever worked for. I have worked here for almost 3 years and have become friends with numerous people. Most of them have left though. I am the last one. I'm cool like that.

A couple of weeks ago we had a new training class come in. This is always a mixed blessing. On one hand it's good because it brings our call volume down and frees up my day so I have more time to read, blog, or skim the Internet. All important things that they should be paying me to do.

On the other hand, it is a negative because I always have to deal with new people. People that are loud, or annoying, or have no idea what they are doing and ask me questions in between their calls even if I'm busy on a call. I've met some pretty cool people here but the ratio between cool and lame in this place is like 1:100.

One of the new recruits is almost too much to bear. She's nice and everything but she's SO F*ING LOUD! I am not sure if she's deaf or what but when she talks you can hear her on the other side of the room. Sometimes I can't hear what the customer I'm talking to is saying because she's screaming on her phone. She has been asked by myself, others around her, and supervisors if she would keep it down but her voice escalates when she talks. Kendall, who sits in front of me, gets a headache daily because he sits right next to her.

Most of the time it's not even how loud she is. If she had a little girly voice it probably wouldn't be so annoying but she's got one of those smoker voices. She sounds like she should have a glass of whiskey and a cigarette in her hand. When she laughs I get pictures of the Wicked Witch of the West in my head. "HAHAHAHAHAHAH (cough cough)" Sometimes people call her 'sir' on the phone because her voice is so deap now you can't tell if she's a man of not.

That's hot. I want to sound like that when I'm forty.

Enough with the baggage

2010-08-16T16:06:00.004-05:00

Men are very silly creatures. People always talk about how emotional and clingy women are but I have to disagree with that. When a guy is too interested in me, I get turned off. I don't know if it's the thrill of the chase or what but I have always been like this. I'm not interested or ready to be in a relationship right now. Any guy that I see knows this. I make it a point of saying this just so there's no hard feelings. I date like a man. Or how a man is "supposed" to date.

Mike is one of my best friends. We get along well and hang out all the time. The only problem is.... he's in love with me. A couple of months ago I got really drunk and let him hit it. (Not the nicest thing for me to do but I was really horny). Things got weird as hell between us for awhile but eventually went back to normal when he realized that it was just a one time thing.

Except it's happened again. And now he wants to DATE me! Why can't we just have a little nooky between friends without it having to mean anything? I thought guys liked to get in and get out and not have to worry about emotional baggage? Now he's asking me to come over and spend (alone) time with him. Silly Rabbit!!!

I've tried telling him I am not interested in being his girlfriend but I don't think he's hearing me. Ah, the messes I get myself in.

Ain't no chef

2010-08-16T15:41:00.003-05:00

I am not the best cook in the world. Over the years I have taught myself the basics and have gotten better. I still use my George Foreman grill for just about everything, but hey, that counts as cooking too.

I used to be a horrible cook though. I was raised by my grandmother and every time she'd try to teach me to cook, she'd end up doing it herself and I'd never learn. Plus, she was such a good cook I didn't feel there was any reason for me to have to learn. That all changed when I turned 19 and moved out of the house. The first time I tried to make lasagna I had to call my brother and ask him how to brown meat. (I had no idea how to do this) Once, I even forgot to take the frozen pizza off of the cardboard before I put it in the oven. I still haven't lived that down.

As I said, I've gotten better though. I learn from my mistakes. The other night I got home from work and realized I didn't have any food in the house. The most promising thing was a whole frozen chicken I had gotten from the pantry a couple months ago. I have never cooked a whole chicken before so I went online to see about some recipes. It didn't say anything about the chicken being frozen so I put it in the sink to defrost for about 20 mins, and then popped it in the oven for about an hour. The skin started to look nice and crispy so I took it out and tried cutting some off the top. Once I flipped it over though I realized that the inside was completely frozen. I also realized that there was plastic sticking out of the inside of the chicken.

I have always been afraid that I'm going to poison myself one day with my cooking so I decided not to eat the chicken. Better safe than sorry. I asked my family what I had done wrong when we got together for dinner this weekend and they could not stop laughing. I guess you're supposed to defrost it over night and pull the gizzards out of the middle. How was I supposed to know this? Good thing I didn't eat it.

Oh well. Just put it down to another funny ass thing I've done in the kitchen. And now that I know what I did wrong, I'm going to try again and hopefully have better results.

Birthyday Love

2010-07-29T14:11:00.002-05:00

Everyone has their favorite holiday. Mine is my birthday. (and yes, it is a holiday, or at least it should be) Every year turns out to be crazier than the last. When I was 19 my friends threw me my first surprise party. I ended the night by passing out on the driveway trying to find my bottle that I had drank about an hour before.

When I was 20 I ended up breaking my foot because I was running to the barrel. In 4 inch high heels. Instead of going to the hospital though, I sat by the barrel until it was done and then made them carry me to the next one. (That's hardcore)
The pain eventually got so bad that I allowed them to take me to the hospital. I still went out the next night, crutches and all. We ended up at this place that turned out to be a naked party. I thought I was hallucinating at first since I was drunk and on a bunch of pain meds. But no. Everyone was running around buck ass naked. I plopped my gimpy self down next to an empty kiddie pool, of which I spend most of the night puking into. One of the guys, who was quite naked, tripped over the pool and landed in my puke. FUNNIEST THING EVER!!

When I was 25 we went to the Dells, got a couple hotel rooms, and partied at Marley's. I had never been to Marley's before but they give you free liquor on your birthday and I basically had to be carried out by the end of the night. Back at the hotel room I ended up sneaking off with a friend of mine, Owen, who I have had a crush on since high school, and getting it on in the stairway.

This year was supposed to be the birthday to end all birthdays but it was both disappointing and a little over the top. We ended up going camping in Michigan at a Rave called Dude Where's my tent? This had recipe for disaster written all over it. Things are bound to go wrong when you throw 10 crazy ass people in a little camper in 100 degree heat. I don't know if it was the heatstroke or the millions of party favors floating around but people started acting kind of strange. Grafton kept coming back to the camper with things he had found all over the campgrounds that made no kind of sense. Once he came back with a trampoline and a rubber duck, not sure where he got this stuff from, so we ended up taping him to a chair. Robbie would not leave the camper and kept cleaning it over and over again and basically missed all of the music. I, on the other hand, was down in front of the DJ tables all night. I think everything went wrong when Grafton talked me into taking a trip into town. We got lost, ran out of gas, and had no money. We were high, drunk, and looked like we had been up all night and were begging people for change. Good times.

We ended up calling the weekend short after I got stuck in the trailer and tried to climb my way out through the ceiling. Not sure why I didn't just use the door but hey, I blame it on the heat. Now I owe $430 in damages to the guy we rented the trailer from. Remind me to never go camping in July ever again.

Its not you its me

2010-07-15T17:42:00.003-05:00

Today Kendall (my funny ass co-worker) and I were talking about that age old break-up line: It's not you it's me. It brought me back to all the times I've been broken up with and they are pretty funny.

Jason: Jason was the first real long-term relationship I ever had. He was a skater who had an addiction to white powder. After I got him off that, we ended up spending a lot of time together. After his parents moved to Arkansas, I even went on family trips with them to Florida and to visit them in Little Rock. I thought everything was fine with us until one day he just stopped calling. I guess girls say this all the time but he really did. I went by his house one night (not stalkerish) and saw him getting out of a car with his "best friend" Jenny. Who just happened to be dating Jason's friend. Now they are dating each other and I heard they recently got married. Good thing I didn't get in the way of true love or anything.

Perry: I met Perry when I came to a party at his house one night. Not sure how we ended up there but it was a really fun party. Seven am rolled around and me and my girls were the only ones left. I ended up sleeping on the couch (actually sleeping)with him and we dated ever since. He was about 8 years older than me though and had a lot of baggage. I just turned 19 and was only looking to have fun. He ended up going to jail for child support. When he got out I tried to be with him but I ended up hooking up with a friend.

Andy: Andy was crazy. That's all there is to it. I started out being friends with him after a friend of mine asked me to meet up with him to get rid of something. I did it, and we became friends. Once Perry got out of jail and it looked like he was going to be a lot to deal with (and I found out he smoked crack. Nice huh?), I started seeing Andy. We moved in with each other right away and pretty much started living like a married couple. (Bad idea) He started opening up this adult store and going to strip clubs and doing too much blow. I came home one day to find the door had been taped shut with duct tape and my cats were running around outside. I think he thought they were trying to get at his blow.

Ryan:I met Ryan through Robbie because he worked with her boyfriend. I've talked about him a lot on here but here's a recap. He is younger than I am and I was only planning on having a booty call. (Don't ever have a relationship with your booty call) We ended up living together too and things were not good. He cheated on me over and over. I lost all self-esteem and he eventually left me. He just had a baby with the girl that he left me for and she's gained over 60 pounds from what I can tell.

So what is the moral of my story? The next guy I meet, I'm going to make sure that I walk away first. Because let's face it. It's better you telling them to take a hike than the other way around. Never move in with a booty call, or anyone until you're married. Oh, and one other thing. Karma is a bitch! If you're going to cheat, then you're running the risk of being saddled with a nasty heifer for the rest of your life.

That's my kind of karma!!!!

Pick me up

2010-07-12T13:23:00.005-05:00

Friday night I went out to the bar for the first time in awhile. If you remember I was trying to be sober for a bit and give my liver a break. I guess I could have gone longer but I've been feeling much better and felt I deserved to go out. (This is all just an excuse.) I'm aware of the fact that drinking is bad. I'm just choosing not to follow the doctors orders right now. I'll slow down again but my birthday is next week and I feel like celebrating. For a whole month.

The bar we went to is right down the street from my house and I usually don't go there. It started out kind of lame but eventually got a little bit out of control. Robbie doesn't drink so when she does it's hilarious. We were having an excellent time with our Orange Stoli's and 7up when a couple of really funny stuff happened.

1. This drunk guy tried to hit on me. He wasn't the first or the last of the evening but his pick up line was the best. He asked me if I wanted to be his "sexual friend." I asked him (sarcastically) why a good looking guy like him didn't already have one. His response was he (not surprisingly)had a girlfriend at home. I told him I wasn't interested.

2. As I was sitting at the bar waiting for Robbie to come back in from smoking, (I don't smoke cigarettes and I'm no going to stand outside and get eaten by mosquito's), this old dude that was sitting next to me started talking to me. I'm a pretty nice person so I engaged in a little conversation. Here's what this guy had to offer: He was unemployed, about 20 years older than me, and he kept asking me my name. After the fourth time he asked me I just turned and walked away. What a waste of time. Good thing I gave him the wrong phone number.

3. I ended up going outside to get some fresh air after the old dude, and I ran into this handsome guy who invited me to his (hot) car for a little smoke session. He was very smooth and I was digging his car. But then he tells me he's married but his wife is down with it. He asked me if I wanted to come home and meet her. I'm a single girl and I like to have a little fun once in awhile but this was a new one for me. Instead of just saying no though I told him I would as long as all my friends at the bar could come too. So three car loads of people headed over to dudes house. Needless to say his girl was not hot, and the situation became super weird. Thank god Robbie's boyfriend is a spaz and wanted us to get home,(like we're 5 and have a curfew or something) so we made up an excuse and got the hell out of there.

Unfortunately Dude has my real phone number and has texted me a couple of times. I don't know how to let him down easy so I'm just not going to answer. If I was a meaner person this is exactly what I would say:

"You're hot and everything but your girl is kind of a dog. I think it's weird you pick up girls at the bar and bring them home to your girl like she's Charlotte and she's collecting specimens for her web. I'm good on that Dude. But hey, if you ever want to smoke me up again, go ahead and give me a call. Peace."

Too harsh??

To camp or not to camp

2010-07-11T12:59:00.004-05:00

Ok no more posts about orgies. I realize that I must be off the deep end lately and need to rain the shit in. Doesn't look likely as we're heading to Michigan this weekend for my birthday to some crazy ass outdoor party. Can you imagine a 3-day rave in the woods?

I'm having mixed feelings about this. One: I used to love camping before I started having panic attacks about creepy crawlies. Two: It's going to be hot as blue blazes and I'm not sure how happy we're going to be sleeping in a tent in this weather. Three: I really do want to do something different and fun for my birthday this year. People that go to these kinds of parties are always on some fun shit, of that I can guarantee. I'm hoping the good will outweigh the bad, and I will be having such a great time I won't even think about the bugs.

Or it will suck and I'll be unbelievably miserable. I guess the only way to really know is to go and see what happens. On the up side, if it is horrible I'm sure I can always stay in a local hotel. Hmmm.... really got to think about this one a bit.

The Bare essentials

2010-07-08T12:59:00.002-05:00

Tuesday night ended up being a repeat of the cabin that I went to a few weeks ago. If you need a reminder here it is:

Robbie and I went out of town with two male friends of ours to stay at a cabin and drink. We ended up having a little more fun than we planned. All in all I'd say it was one of the better orgies I've been involved in. Oh to be young.

I don't know what it is about these two guys but every time we hang out with them things tend to get a little wild. Maybe it's this heat. Makes me want to wear as little clothes as possible. And maybe that's why I found myself at Walgreen's at 3 am with no pants on.

I was wearing this cute baby doll shirt that hangs down quite far. You can barely see the bottom of my shorts when I'm wearing it. But it's still not long enough to go around without any pants on. But I guess that's what I did.

After our little fun time, I ended up putting on a pair of boy shorts (underwear that covers the hole butt but is still for all intents and purposes, underwear) because I couldn't find my shorts. (Don't you hate when that happens?) I had to head home because I had to work 10 hours the next day. I stopped at Walgreen's to get cat food and hair conditioner (which was definitely important when I'm three sheets to the wind and half naked). I didn't even remember any of this until last night when I was thinking I needed to get my cats some food and realized I already had.

That poor cashier must have thought I was out of my mind. They should add no pants to the no shoes, no shirt, no service sign.

Not that that would stop me obviously.

A little too close

2010-07-02T16:20:00.002-05:00

I am the biggest klutz. Especially when I am drunk. But today I took it to a whole new level.

I have been laying around all day being lazy on my day off. I have some errands to do so I decided to get my ass in the shower and get moving. I am going to see some fireworks tonight from the comfort of my friend's balcony and decided I need to shave. You never know who's going to be there and what clothes are going to come off. And when I say shave, yes I do mean everything. Or at least shave my legs and arm pits and trim down there.

(If your queasy you might want to stop reading)

I haven't trimmed in a little while because I'm single and haven't been having regular sex. So.. the razor just wasn't doing the job. OH man....

I grabbed the scissors and everything was going fine, I was getting those hard to reach hairs, when all of a sudden..... SNIP!!!!!

I FUCKING snipped a piece of skin off of my vajayjay. It didn't necessarily hurt but man did that sucker bleed. I didn't even want to blog about this but if you can't share vagina shaving accident stories with your unknown blog friends, who can you share them with? It's not like something I can just tell anyone because I'll seriously never live this shit down.

For a second a didn't know what to do though. No way in hell am I dragging my ass in to the ER so some doctor can stitch me up. How humiliating. I think it's stopped bleeding but you can bet your ass that I won't be using a scissors to trim down there ever again.

Talk about taking a slice out of life.

Party, Party, Party

2010-06-29T18:00:00.003-05:00

It has been such a long weekend and I am still recovering. Friday night I went to Chicago with some peoples to get it in. We stayed at our Russian friends penthouse and spent three days partying our ass off.

Friday night was kind of tame because all we did was go to a couple of bars. Two of Russian's friends came with us though and they were such little bitches that I wanted to smack the shit out of them. They both had so much collagen in their lips that we couldn't even understand what they were saying. One of the girls kept glaring at me because Russian was hitting on me hardcore. Lame!

I actually went to bed at a normal time like the good girl I am but everyone else ended up staying up all night. So when I woke up I wanted to go swimming in the pool and go to the lake and go on Russians jet ski. So I did. Robbie got pissed because I didn't wake her up but I wanted her to get some rest so she'd be up for the party that night. The waves on Lake Michigan were no joke and my arms and back are still hurting from flying around on that jet ski so much. But it really kicked ass and I got a really nice tan.

Saturday night we went to a rave in downtown Chicago. I must say that the party scene in Chicago is far better than the scene in my hometown. People were so fucked up and having a great time. I ended up hanging out with some cops for about 45 minutes, much to my friend's disbelief. I always seem to find myself talking to cops or firefighters when I'm all messed up. I find it quite funny. They had some guy against the wall and were searching him and I walked up to them like it was my business and just started having a conversation with one of them. His name was Jonathon and he was actually kind of cute. :)

Me: Hey, what are you doing to that guy? I'm going to call the cops on you
Jonathon: I am the cops
Me: Oh, well good. Get that fucker!
Jonathon: We are...
Me: So you got a girlfriend?
Jonathon: No
Me: Oh well... I think I'll just have a seat then...

After the rave we went to an afterset at this kids house and hung out there until the mid afternoon. Robbie thought she was OK to drive home but we got as far as Wheeling and made her pull into a hotel so we could sleep it off for a few hours. I left my favorite pillow that I've had since I was a little kid in Chicago and I'm pissed. I guess it's not a good idea to try to pack your stuff when you're messed up.

The best part of the whole weekend is we found out about this three day camping event in Michigan that is going on during my birthday in a couple of weeks. I'm going to take a lot of Valium so I don't freak out about the bugs. If it's anything like this weekend I know it's going to be off the hook!

Sexiest camping trip ever

2010-06-22T14:39:00.003-05:00

You know that feeling after you've hooked up with someone and it's really really excellent? I've been riding on that feeling all weekend. Robbie and I went out for ice cream with T and J on Friday and got to talking about spending the night up at J's aunts cabin. We had to lie to Robbie's man of course and say we were at Woodie's parents cabin, even though I'm pretty sure her parents don't have a cabin.

I know I've talked about his before but it was quite amazing that I agreed to go since I hate bugs and I can't relax if I know that I am in an environment where there are bugs. Camping has become a nightmare for me which sucks since I used to love to camp when I was young and, spent one week every summer sleeping in tepees at Bethel Horizons Summer Camp.

Camping isn't so bad when you have Grey Goose, two cute boys, and an active libido. We started out playing a drinking game and then sat around the campfire. One thing led to another and I broke my celibacy. The sun eventually came up and I was left walking bowlegged. J has a lot of stamina. I've had a smile on my face ever since and still can't believe I spent 10 wonderful hours in the woods without freaking out about bugs.

I think I'll have to make that my new recipe if I ever go camping again. Boys, booze and sex.

(Oh, and if you're thinking I shouldn't have been drinking you're right. But I've been very good so I believe my liver is OK with it. And it was definitely for a good cause.)

Joys of moving

2010-06-16T15:08:00.003-05:00

It's that time of year again and I'm really not looking forward to it. It's moving time. I want this move to be my last one for awhile so I'm trying to make sure the next place I move is a good one.

The last place we lived was ghetto but nothing as bad as the place I live now. The apartment is nice but the neighborhood and the people are on a level all their own. So far we've have a shooting outside my bedroom window, a constant daily block party where the neighbors sit outside with their folding card tables and their bottles of malt liquor, and people stealing stuff out of the laundry room.

Two nights ago I was doing laundry and came downstairs to get my clothes out of the dryer to find my laundry basket gone. I basement doors are locked now so you have to use your front door key to get in. Someone from my building stole my basket in the 30 mins it took me to dry my clothes. I am so tired of these people. Just because you are broke asses doesn't mean you can't have any class and need to steal from your neighbors.

So in my search for a new place I've been making sure to check out the reviews to see what previous tenants have said about the properties. I found this one on the site for an apartment complex that is across the street from my job:
*************************************************************************************
RENT AT YOUR OWN RISK!!!!!
From: -Anonymous-
Date posted: 10/8/2007
Years at this apartment: 2006 - 2007

I moved in last winter and thought to myself, "Hey, this place is pretty nice". It didn't take long for me to figure out that there was a lot of illegal activity going on here. 2 days after I moved in I read an article in their newsletter about vehicles being vandalized in the parking lot. I so far, have not been a victim of that (knock on wood), but know of several neighbors that have had break ins, vandalism, etc. The garage does have cameras; turns out they're fake though. No joke! One of the cameras had been torn out of the wall and I told this person who was working in the leasing office about it. She wasn't the normal girl who was working there as they had a change in the on site manager. She was training the new girl Emily, who has been very nice. This woman (not Emily) told me that the cameras down there are phony. WHY WOULD YOU TELL YOUR TENANT THAT'''''' I'm not the type of person who participates in illegal activities but it does make me wonder how many other people know about these bogus cameras.

The deal with this place is that some of the units fall under a special reduced rent program based on your income that is financed through HUD or something. That being the case it is merely assumed that low income housing will attract low class people. This being said, I would hear loud music at night on the first floor and a very strong odor of marijuana almost nightly. How can you smoke so much weed that the entire floor would know' There were always people coming and going that did not live there, an obvious sign of drug dealing.

The place was dirty, but you can't blame management. They do the best they can to keep the place clean but there are people there who just don't care and leave garbage in the elevator, common areas, and garage. Several tenants' storage lockers have been broken into and most of the unassigned lockers are filled with trash that prior tenants have left behind. Someone also urinated in the elevator on 3 different occasions and someone also must have gotten into a fight in the entry way to the garage because the drywall looked like a 200 lb man was shoved into it.

The worst part is coming right up. My girlfriend was visiting from out of town with her 16 month old nephew and had to make several trips up and down to bring things in the boy in her arm. She mistakenly left the vehicle unlocked while making a trip and someone had the nerve in that short period of time to go into the wallet in her purse and steal her debit card, credit cards, and all gift cards. She did not even know about it until the banks started calling her about restricting access to her card for suspected fraudulent activity. Whoever took her cards went on a shopping spree and that person most likely lives in the same building or knows someone who lives there.

IN CONCLUSION, RENT AT RISK!!!!!!! I STRONGLY RECOMMEND RENTING ELSEWHERE UNLESS YOU WANT TO DEAL WITH TRASHY DOPE PEDALING, CRIMINAL THIEVES!!!!!!!! GIVE IT A FEW MORE YEARS AND THEY'LL RUN IT COMPLETELY INTO THE GROUND.
*************************************************************************************

After reading this I weighed out the pros and cons.

Pros:
People that sell drugs aren't always bad.
There may be some hot guys in the building (who maybe have some weed)
There's a pool
If I'm loud my neighbors probably won't call the cops
The neighborhood looks nice
There's a washer and dryer in the unit

Cons:
People that sell drugs can be bad
I hate dirty people who litter
My car could get broken into and then I'd be pissed (not that there's anything in that piece of junk)
Management sounds like some pushovers who have no clue wasn't going on (which could be a pro unless it affects me of course)

So what do you think? Think I should keep looking?

Jumping Ship

2010-06-15T17:57:00.002-05:00

I don't know what day it is for sobriety and I don't care. I've been good so that's all that matters.

This summer is so different from last summer that I can't help feeling nostalgic. Last summer I was 10 pounds lighter, I could drink, there was always something fun to do, and I remember having a blast.

I don't know what it is about this summer but it seems like it hasn't started yet. I don't know if it's the recession or what but people don't seem to be doing anything. I've been swimming once so far but that about covers it. I did go to the Brewers game last week and then spent the rest of the weekend holed up inside.

Even the weather has been off. It's usually super sunny from June through August but all we've had is rain. I like the rain but it's still making things seem wrong.

We found out at work that they will be closing our office and laying everyone off in October. This has been so fun because people have been jumping ship ever since which leaves the rest of us to deal with more work.

The only good thing that has happened this week is the return of True Blood. I love that show. I was worried that I might be disappointed but it was a great episode. A little raunchy humor, more than last season, made the episode hilarious. I can't wait for next week.

I think I'm just restless though. Maybe I'll hit the gym later and work off some of this energy. I have been in a rut with the gym too. I used to love going to the gym and I loved the results I got. But now I just don't see the point. I know people say that you should look good for yourself but I really don't care right now. Not a good attitude to have and I realize this so hopefully I get out of this funk soon.

Unwelcome advances

2010-06-09T10:44:00.002-05:00

Day 18 of Sobriety

Sorry it's been more than a week since I last posted but I've been busy. I don't even know what I've been busy with but time seems to be flying by. I got my test results back from my doctor and I am pleased to announce that my liver levels are now normal! I know this doesn't mean I should run back to drinking right away but it does mean that the damage I've done to my liver is not irreparable. That makes me super happy.

Friday night I ended up partying with my friends until the wee hours of the morning. (No I did not drink) One thing led to another though and I found myself exhausted on Robbie's couch at 10 am, grungy and sweaty from dancing all night. I invited my guy James over to kick it because he called and told me he was still up. Now don't get me wrong. I'm always down for a little nooky but there are rules that must be followed otherwise you just kill the mood. Here's what happened:

First, James comes in and sits down next to me on the couch as close as he can. We are friends with benefits so I didn't think anything of it. When I got up to go to the bathroom, he followed me in there and attempted to get it in in the bathroom. At Robbie's house. I've done this before in my drunken party days when I didn't know any better, but I'm older now. Having sex on your best friends bathroom counter while she's in the next room does not fly anymore.

After I pushed him off me we went back to the living room where he continued to rub my legs, and back, and hand over and over. At one point he even put a blanket over our laps and tried to grab me. We relocated to my house to get away from Robbie's boyfriend but that turned out to be an even worse idea. James got even more aggressive and I ended up having to kick his ass out.

WHAT THE FUCK!!

I would have been more than happy to hook up with him if he hadn't been all over me like that. I hadn't even showered and I don't know about anyone else but the smell of my own sweaty ass body is not an aphrodisiac. This is why I'm single.

What a loser. He sure missed out because after he left I got all nice and clean and took care of the problem myself. I guess that saying is true; Never send a man to do a woman's job.

Drunken ramblings

2010-06-01T16:42:00.003-05:00

Day 10 of sobriety

Today is day 10 of sobriety and I'm not going to lie. I had two beers within that time but otherwise I've been a good girl. G's birthday was last week and I went to the dinner and then bowed out when they were heading off to the bar. I knew I wouldn't be able to go to the bars with them and not drink, dinner was hard enough, so I left. The weekend was actually really fun even without liquor. I went swimming Saturday and got some color on my pasty ass. Sunday I worked and had a BBQ with the Fam on Memorials day at the park. I thought I was going to be bored as hell all weekend but I surprised myself by participating in some PG activities and having a good time.

I'm not going to lie and say that it's been easy. There have been moments where thinking about the taste of a Leinies Honey Weiss almost made me say fuck it and go buy a 12-pack but I didn't. 10 days baby. I can do it.

Big Brothers birthday is coming up and we're going to the Brewers v. Cubs game. We had otherwise been stumped on who was going to be the designated driver but I guess we know who that will be. Oh well. It's kind of interesting being sober. I've started noticing the funny ass things people say when they are drunk. I'm sure I've said funny ass shit before too but it's different being on the listening end now.

I couldn't help but overhear some people's conversations at G's bday dinner and this is some of things I heard. (oh, and virgin margaritas are just not the same without tequila. I don't care what anyone says. It's not supposed to taste like fruit!)

Conversation one

Drunk Girl to Drunk Guy: "Well, I guess I'll let you hit it later if you buy all my drinks tonight."

Drunk Guy to Drunk Girl: "I guess we can do that. But only as long as you don't get mad at me if I hit on other girls.

Drunk Girl to Drunk Guy: "OK. It's whatever."

Conversation two

Drunk Girl 1 to Drunk Girl 2: "I know this is a stupid question but how do you make the color red?"

Drunk Girl 2 to Drunk girl 1: "Are you serious? You mix blue and yellow."

Drunk Girl 1 to Drunk Girl 2: "Really? I don't know why but I was just thinking about that and I couldn't remember."

Drunk Girl 2 to Drunk Girl 1: "That's OK. I took extra art classes in high school so I remember."

(red is a primary color)

Conversation Three

Drunk Girl 3 to Drunk Girl 4: "So I hooked up with Dave last night."

Drunk Girl 4 to Drunk Girl 3: "Finally. I've been getting tired of hearing about how much you want to hook up with him. How was it?"

Drunk Girl 3 to Drunk Girl 4: "It was horrible. It was so small I barely felt anyting. I actually asked him if it was in and he got all offended. I didn't say this to him but Hey, it's not my fault if you have a little dick."

Drunk Girl 4 to Drunk Girl 3: "That sucks. What a waste of time. You obsessed about him forever."

Drunk Girl 3 to Drunk Girl 4: "I know, right?"

Drunk Girl 4 to Drunk Girl 3: "You should tell him to use Extenze. My brother says it really works."

Drunk Girl 3 to Drunk Girl 4: "How do you know that? Why would you and your brother talk about something like that?"

Drunk Girl 4 to Drunk Girl 3: "Um, it just came up once."

Drunk Girl 3 to Drunk Girl 4: "What kind of conversation were you having where something like that would come up?"

Drunk Girl 4 to Drunk Girl 3: "I don't remember but that's not the point. Just tell him that."

Drunk Girl 3 to Drunk Girl 4: "Sure. I'm going to tell some guy that I hooked up with that his package is small and that he should use Extanze because (Drunk Girl 4)'s brother used it and it worked so it's OK."

Drunk Girl 4 to Drunk Girl 3: "Yeah. I would."

Drunk Girl 3 to Drunk Girl 4: "Yeah. And that's why you're single."

Classic

One day at a time

2010-05-25T13:44:00.002-05:00

Day 3 of sobriety

So i've used this blog for a lot of things. It's really helped me get over the Ex and get some things off my chest that are normally not polite to say in public. Not that I usually care but i'm trying. Now that i've got this sobriety issue to deal with, i've realized there is no better place to help me deal with this. I don't think I can do AA. I'm not an alcoholic. I just like to drink. I don't need it but I like the taste of a beer on a hot summer day. Or a cocktail when I go out with my girlfriends. (Ooh, let me stop because i'm getting kind of thirsty.) But I don't NEED alcohol.

Stopping though may be kind of hard though, especially because it's been such a part of my life for so long. But I will take one mantra from AA and say that it's just going to have to be one day at a time.

I was pretty proud of myself last night. My friends stopped by my house so Kammie could change clothes, and they were heading out for the night. I was invited along but I knew if I went I would want a beer so I sat my ass on the couch. I made dinner and did some Pilate's. I read some and then passed out. Yay me. Not every day is going to be like this but I figure I just need to focus my attention on other things. What better thing to focus on than getting my ass back in shape? Four months of being sick really made me soft again. And let's not forget the reason I was sick in the first place was pancreatitis so it all comes down to alcohol.

Take one road and you're fat, and sick and drunk. Take another and you're healthy and fit and sober. I think i'll take option number two. Wouldn't you?

Good-bye alcohol

2010-05-23T14:31:00.002-05:00

Last night I ended up in the emergency room again with pancreatitis. I'm not sure what triggered it. It could have been the beer I drank the night before, or the brat I had, or the painkiller I took. But whatever it was, my stomach was not happy and I ended up screaming in pain at my friend's bbq and was rushed to the ER. Again. The doctor says that I need to cut alcohol out of my life completely, and I need to maintain a healthy diet, free of greasy and fatty foods, red meat, and sodium.

What a great afternoon.

So I am now entering the boring stage of my life and I wanted to say a goodbye to the drink that I love so much. I will miss you.

Thank you for all the times you made me pee on myself in public. That was fun.

Thank you for all of the times you made me wake up next to someone I couldn't remember. That was also fun.

Thank you for all the stupid, dumb, idiotic things that you made me say that made my IQ drop every time.

Thank you for giving me the liquid courage to stand on top of that bar and dance like the girls from Coyote ugly. That was retarded.

Thank you for making my last relationship tolerable.

Thank you for adding on 20 pounds to my otherwise small body.

Thank you for making me a huge klutz. I really enjoyed breaking my foot; diving into that pool wasted and breaking my nose; falling down stairs, on pavement, into tables, chairs, and other objects.

Thank you for burning a whole in my stomach and making it so I can never drink orange juice again.

And lastly, thank you for the millions of hangovers I've had and all the times I puked in a car, bathroom, floor, yard, sink, bed, or bowl.

I am really going to miss you.

Drunken phone call

2010-05-19T13:21:00.002-05:00

Last week our office announced that we would be closing our doors soon. This means that I finally have to stop being lazy and look for another job. The reason I am going to school is to be a teacher but I have to have a Bachelors degree in order to get a good job. So two more years of working in the corporate world and then I'm free to do what I really want to do.

In the meantime though it's corporate city for me. I sent out a bunch of applications and have gotten some responses. None of them have been very interesting except for one from this guy who decided to call me last Friday while I was drunk. This job would have a better annual salary than I have now, and I wouldn't have to deal with the phones all day. Sounds perfect for me right now. Except for the fact that I answered the phone while I was having an afternoon beer (or ten) and I can't remember the whole conversation. Here's hoping I didn't slur my words or anything because I can really use this opportunity. I didn't even remember this conversation until Monday morning. That is not good. He sounded really excited though so maybe he didn't notice. Or maybe I just thought he sounded excited because everyone seems happy to me when I'm sloshed. Like beer goggles, I see everyone through happy goggles and think everyone is up for the party.

Hybernating

2010-05-16T19:17:00.002-05:00

I have locked myself in my house and have decided to say fuck it. The weekend started out fun, although I did get a little crazy again. I ended up partying from Thursday through Saturday and am now recovering. You know what they say about the best laid plans. I was really planning on doing something productive this weekend but ended up on a drunken binge again. My stomach is not loving me and I spent most of Friday huddled over my brothers toilet. Which still didn't stop me from going out Friday night. Not sure what I did though because I can't remember shit. So not really a long post except to say that I'm hungover, pms'ing, and trying to separate myself from the general population for their own good.

I did hit on a 17 year old even though I knew he was 17. My alcoholism knows no limits. I think it's time for AA again..... NAH!! Where's the fun it that right??

Graduation day

2010-05-12T15:08:00.003-05:00

Hello my peoples. Sorry I haven't posted in a grip but it was a very busy weekend. I GRADUATED FROM COLLEGE!! That's right biatch. I am now a college graduate. I know this isn't a big deal to millions of other people that have also graduated from college but it's a big deal to me. First one in my family too! Boo-ya!!

My brother threw a party for me Saturday night and I'm told it was a really good time. I can't remember half of it though so I'll have to take every one's word for it. It must have been that one Petron shot they made me take that made me black out. I don't do well with hard liquor anymore. Ever since I had my gall bladder taken out, it's like the liquor hits my stomach that much harder and it's barf central. Good times.

So I ended up having a little bit too good of time with a friend of mine and had to take a morning after pill the next day. Good thing my friends are little promiscuous bees and keep stuff like that lying around. Don't know where I'd be without them.

I did find out I wasn't the only one having too good of time that night. One of the guys someone brought ended up peeing on my brothers floor and passing out on the stairs. Are you serious?! You know that was a good party when people are too drunk to find the bathroom. It's not really that funny though. It would have been funnier if I would have done it, but now its just disrespectful. Men!

But overall, I would have to say I am seriously happy with the results. But I'm going to hold off on another party like that for awhile. I had a hell of a hangover the next day!

The G life

2010-05-07T10:32:00.002-05:00

I live in a semi-ghetto. My apartment is nice but there are these ghetto ass apartments behind my house and every day you can hear someone outside cussing, fighting, or playing with their Pitt bull. There's this one group of old dudes who find it productive to sit outside at a fold out table, from morning until night, playing cards and dominoes. My bedroom faces these apartments so the first thing I hard every morning is these guys arguing and sipping on their Colt 45.

Don't these people work? I need to go outside and find out their secret. I want to sit around all day drinking beer, playing cards, and still have a place to live. Maybe they can teach me their secret. Working is definitely overrated and these ol' boys seem to have the secret to the good life.

There is a rumor going around work that they are going to lay everyone off and close our offices down. If this happens then, I've got it made baby. One step down on my plan to becoming a G. Next step, secure unemployment so I can finance my laziness and then the rest is history.

I see sun and malt liquor in the future. Is there anything better than that?

Not so itty bitty spider

2010-05-06T16:19:00.004-05:00

It's Thursday afternoon and I have about 2 hours left of work. The day is going by just like any other crappy day. I'm on the phone with a customer when all of a sudden something shoots by me on my desk. I can't even believe how fast I moved out of my chair. It scared the shit out of me it moved so frickin fast. And of course its a gross ass black spider. One of those ones that jumps. I hate those. In all of the whole building, its just my luck that some nasty spider I'm allergic to has to run on my desk.

So of course every one's looking at me like the stupid freak who's scared of spiders. They can all get bent for all I care. I went to a friend's house once and he had recently moved in with this guy I had had a crush on for years. One thing led to another and I ended up sleeping over. He lived over his dad's bar and had a door to the back deck in his room. He had left the door open while we were getting it on because it was hot in there. I went home and got some extra sleep and woke up unable to breathe. My face, hands, and arms were swollen and I had hives everywhere. I went to the doctor and he told me that I was bitten by a spider and am allergic. Great! I've always been freaked out about the creepy crawlies, but my level of anxiety has reached recently new heights. I don't even know why. I'm almost positive it could have absolutely nothing to do with my years of experimenting with hallucinogenics. That's just crazy. All they do is alter your mind and make you see things that aren't there. How could that possibly make me scared of bugs??

So my doctor has put me on Valium because I get so anxious I start having panic attacks. Over bugs. I don't know why they exist. Could someone please shed some light on the necessity of pincer bugs in this world? What are their purpose except to freak out and piss people off??? I don't think they have one. Or at least there shouldn't be one.

All I know is I'm asking for a bug zapper for my birthday and I don't care how weird it's gonna look. I'm going to sit on my porch and enjoy the sound of the little assholes frying.

Bitchy

2010-05-05T10:34:00.002-05:00

Have you ever had one of those days where you feel really bitchy and you don't know why? Well that's me today. I don't even know why, I'm just in a really bad mood and everything annoys me.

The stupid guy on the phone who thinks his jokes are funny annoys me.

My cat trying to snuggle with me this morning and getting hair in my face annoyed me.

The fact that I had to run to the bank to get money to buy text books before work annoyed me.

The fact I had to work at all annoys the hell out of me.

For some reason my feet seem to be getting smaller and my favorite shoes now seem to be too big and that really annoys me because it doesn't make one bit of sense.

The fact that we have so many calls at work and they have not hired more people, making us work that much harder really annoys me.

I'm broke and that's super annoying...

Get the picture? Just having one of those days where everything and everyone is annoying as hell and I just want to go home and curl up with the new Charlaine Harris book but I can't because I wasted all my sick time...

AND THAT'S THE MOST ANNOYING THING OF ALL DAMMIT!!!!

Im a addict.

2010-04-26T19:58:00.005-05:00

I think i might be an addict. Not for drugs, or alcohol, or sex. Even though all three have made a cameo in the addict section of my life. But an addict for the written word. Sounds kind of gay right?

I'm serious though. I was thinking about it tonight. I read all the time. It's Sunday and I've read two books since Saturday morning. Pretty lame huh? What's even lamer is I have already read the books. I just remembered I loved them and decided to read them again.

Last summer I was working out all the time. I was trying to think about my mind set then and figure out what was so different than now. I can barely drag my ass to the gym now but last year i was so pumped to work out. So what's different?

I realized that last summer I barely read. Which is such a weird thing for me. I always have a book that i'm reading close by. It's like I went to rehab and discovered there were other joys out there than getting high. And now i've fallen off the wagon.

As I was laying in bed tonight, the analogy was too much for me to ignore and I had to blog about it. I am a book junky.

HI! My name is Lush and i'm and addict. It's nice to meet you.

Annoyances

2010-04-25T23:22:00.002-05:00

So we all know my biggest pet peeve is when people are talking to me when I'm reading. It may not be important for them, but I am in the middle of something that IS important to me, and I hate that.

Came upon a new annoyance this evening. I think it is so rude to have people over to your house as guests, then make dinner for everyone there but one person. Tonight I went to the gym and did 2 miles on the elliptical. I stopped at the Besties after to grab my beer I left there Friday. I ended up hanging out for a bit because they always bitch that I go home early. Well as I'm sitting there they start making dinner. I'm not even hungry, as I was just at the gym and was not feeling food at all. But then they start asking who's hungry and leave me out. I really want to stress again that I was not hungry. It was really just the principle of the matter. They had enough food for four people, why wouldn't you offer your guest a little bit?

I haven't even gotten to the worst part. As I said I left my beer there Friday. I went to grab one and noticed there were 5 left out of a 12 pack. I had one on Friday and five was all that was left. My bestie asks someone to grab her one, the last beer and I say no. Her boyfriend throws it in my face that, "he buys her beer all the time and I come over and drink it." Oh excuse me. It's not like she bought it herself. I actually have to work 40 hours a week to pay for my damn beer. Excuse me for being a little temperamental that you feel you are entitled to my hard earnings.

If that's not annoying I don't know what is.

Prude.. who me???

2010-04-22T22:37:00.002-05:00

I've been recently informed by my bestie that I am a prude. She says that I am so picky, that it's making me alone and I need to just get some ass and get out of my own way. She sure does have a way with words, doesn't she?

I wouldn't exactly call me a prude but I do agree that I am quite picky. Wouldn't you be after the losers that i've dated? The unfortunate part about it is that she is party correct. I do spend most of my time alone. I don't go out and date. I can 't stand the bar anymore, and I would rather curl up in bed with a good book then waste my night listening to some guy ramble on about how much he likes sports, and what he wants to be when he grows up. Eating razor blades sounds more fun to me right now than that. Does that make me cynical? Or just realistic?

I'm sure i'm not the only person in the world who's been burned and has almost given up. It is kind of sad that I am so young. And I do worry about it sometimes. I mean, I know you're "supposed" to mate with someone, have kids, and blah blah, but I just can't see that happening anytime soon.

Just because i'm not doing what's expected of me doesn't make me a lonely cat lady does it? I sure hope not because I really am too young to end up like my grandma and mom. Ok.... here's my personal goal:

School is over next week. I promise to get out of the house and be social, get laid (even if its just a one night thing), and stop thinking every man who talks to me is a waste of space.

See I can make productive goals. The Bestie doesn't know what she's talking about.

Graduation is near

2010-04-21T14:11:00.002-05:00

A week and a half left and I will be a collge graduate. I know this isn't one-in-a-million type thing, but it's kind of amazing to me. I'm throwing a huge party of course. Well actually my family is throwing it for me. I even took off work afterwards to make sure I recover. I can't seem to be able to drink like I used to. I try, and then I spend two days in bed, or throwing up everything I eat. I love my pancreas!

Anyhoo.. Here's the party details: We're having it at my brothers and he's cooking of course. I tried to tell him he didn't need to go overboard but it's like talking to a wall. He loves to cook and gets very frustrated when things don't come out right. We're also having kegs, and tents in the backyard, music, and games. I saw these people playing keg kickball at the zoo last summer and have wanted to try it since. It's basically the same as regular kick ball except you have to run with a cup of beer in your hand, chug it and refill it at second base. Should be fun for everyone.

The family will be there too and that should be an interesting mix of old people covering their ears from all the swearing, drunken kids, and loud ass rap music. Good times. I can't wait.

So yeah me! All i've got to do now is pass my damn math final and we're home clear! *fingers crossed*

The funniest thing in the world

2010-04-20T16:56:00.003-05:00

I am not a mean person. Well at least I do not think I am. But there are just some circumstances that bring out my inner meanness. Sometimes I feel bad afterwards, and sometimes I don't.

Case in point:

Last night I checked my myspace for the first time in awhile. (Myspace has kind of fell off, don't you agree?) I noticed the ex had updated his status so I clicked on his page to see what the little shit has been up to. (I have a very morbid, masochistic sense of curiosity's.) I could not believe what I was reading. Turns out he is having a baby. A BABY! With the she-monster I ABSOLUTELY CAN NOT STAND!

My first reaction was WTF??!! My second reaction was I have got to find out if this is true. So I texted him, and he immediately confirmed it. He is having a baby with her and she is 6 months pregnant. Which means that she got pregnant around Christmas, which is right around the time I told him to get lost. So he went crawling back to her. Again.

I feel sorry for this girl. Really I do. I seriously do not understand why you would want to be with a person that continuously cheats on you, lies to your face, and does god knows what low life things behind your back. Last summer me and the Ex started to become friends again. I don't know what I was thinking except maybe I was partly trying to screw up their relationship, maybe I was lonely, maybe I thought I still had feelings for him. Whatever the reason was, after awhile I realized that he was NOT what I wanted. So I ended it with him and moved on. And have not looked back once.

So you can understand why it would be so funny to me to hear him say that, "I was just upset because I let a good thing get away!" I could not stop laughing last night. I was in the liquor store grabbing some beer, cause I needed one after this news, and started giggling at the checkout. As I said, I am usually not a mean person but I could not help myself after this. I proceeded to tell him that I actually felt sorry for their kid, and hoped he could keep it in his pants for the kids sake, and what an accomplishment it is for him to have a baby with the only girl that will put up with him.

Most girls would feel like they got a punch in the gut after hearing their Ex and the hoe he cheated with are having a baby. I got a six pack, congratulated them, and laughed until I cried.

So here's to you two! I salute you on taking each other out of the gene pool so no one else is stuck with you.

CODE 9

2010-04-15T16:18:00.002-05:00

Day 4 of sobriety

There is this really annoying girl at my work and we have dubbed her CODE 9. Whenever a call comes in from a customer we have to "code our calls." We do this so "the man" can track who's calling and for what reason. So a customer calling about a balance inquiry would be Code 15, a balance transfer would be Code 16, an address change would be Code 12, and a limit increase would be Code 23. You get the picture?

Well, this girl is so unbelievably annoying that my two conspirators at work and I have dubbed her Code 9. See, this way we can warn each other when she's coming without hurting her feelings. Hey, I know it's not the nicest thing but I could care less. What is not nice is how she thinks it's okay to follow me to the break room on lunch and monopolize my lunch by telling me all about her stepdaughter's promiscuity. Or her gallbladder surgery. Or her upcoming wedding in very miniscule detail.

I understand these type of people need someone to talk to. All. The. Time. And hey, I'm not hating. Just as long as it's not to me. Work is a place where I am required to spend 40 hours a week talking to people and listening to people complain. All I ask is for a half hour a day to NOT TALK! Is that so bad??

She should start a blog. Then she could talk to her hearts desire. I wonder if anyone would read it?

Hello Again

2010-03-30T16:30:00.002-05:00

Well it's almost been a year since i've posted and a lot has happened. I am going to school to become a teacher and that means that I have to be above reproach. I didn't want a blog to affect what could otherwise be an amazing future. So I stopped blogging. I have made this a little more anonymous though, and feel that I have more to say so.. here I am!

Here's a recap on what's been going on with me this year:

First things first. The Ex and I are no more. I don't even know what I was thinking trying to get back together with him. It soon became clear that it was business as usual with him and I realized that that wasn't good enough for me. Now, I don't even talk to him. I'm sorry but good riddance! He cheated on me, lied to me, pretty much made me hate myself, and then started doing the same thing when we hooked up last summer. So... *click click* DELETED!

I have settled into single life again, and sometimes feel like I am permanently niched here. I did date someone for awhile but it never really took off. He traveled a lot and seemed to have communication issues. After the Ex, i'm not taking any shit from anyone. I'd rather be alone than unhappy. Unfortunately, being alone can make you unhappy as well. And make you do things that you would otherwise not do. Like sleep with your best friend who you aren't even remotely attracted to. I know, I know!! Unforgivable right? Especially since he's been in love with me forever, and now i'm like this shameless cougar praying on the weak. I don't even want to think about it. As Scarlet famously put it, "tomorrow is always another day!"

I got sick for quite awhile. I came down with the Swine Flu and had a really bad case of Pancreatitis. I spent this past winter in and out of the hospital, pretty much quit drinking for all intents and purposes, and gained ten pounds, which I am vehemently working off now that I'm feeling better.

I'm graduating next month if all goes according to plan. I have five weeks left; i'm in the home stretch. And i'm failing math. It would really be stupid to work this hard, and get to this point, and then fail because of one damn Algebra 2 class.

That's about it. Not exactly Pulitzer reading but there you have it. I'm back and hopefully here for awhile.

Missed ya lots,

Lush

Few and far between

2009-06-23T18:19:00.004-05:00

When I started my blog I used it as a way to get through a broken heart, and vent a lot of frustrations that my friends frankly, were tired of listening to. I have pretty much mended my broken heart and am now stronger than I ever was. So thank you bloggers for helping me get over all that crap.

But now I find myself in a little pickle. I definitely want to keep blogging, and I will, but I am so unbelievably busy now with school, friends, working out and getting hotter and hotter every day, and getting to know the Ex again, that I haven't had a lot of time to write. And i've been a little low on ideas too.

I could write about the Ex and our always dramatic relationship, but that's not always interesting to people. And my blog isn't exacly private so anything I write can be read by anyone, and a lot of it is not anyone's business. Especially nosy ex-girlfriends who have no life, and are obsessed.

This weekend Kammie and I are throwing a big party for the fireworks which is put on at a park right down the street from my house. I will post again after that and let you all know if I get arrested or not.

Until then, stay real. Love ya lots.

xoxo

M.I.A

2009-06-17T11:38:00.002-05:00

Wow, I've been kind of M.I.A the last week but I've had so much going on. I started these two new classes and I've been freaking out. One of them is American Government and the other is Teaching Math to Elementary students. American Government is not really my favorite subject, but I have wanted to touch up my knowledge recently in light of Obama's election. I thought I understood government and how it works, but I often find myself a little lost when people start going off about the state of the nation. So American Government, not a problem.

The other class though.... not so much. My math education has been lame at best, and I literally went cross-eyed when reading the first few paragraphs. But I decided to chill the hell out, sit down, focus and actually absorb the information, and I actually understood it. I don't think it's ever been a problem of understanding the material (except for geometry. That shit makes no sense), it's really just an issue of not caring about the material. And since I don't care, it takes me that much longer to do it. I wrote both of my 2,000 word final papers for my last semester classes in one day. And I got and A and a B.

But I'm an idiot when it comes to math so I have to spend twice as long working on it. This is going to be a really fun summer! So not as many blogs because really, who wants to hear about how lame my life is? Friday night at home studying math! Not really.

*sigh* back to work....

Laying down the law

2009-06-11T11:26:00.002-05:00

I wrote this last night when I was drunk….

Reality is harsh. Delusions are easier to deal with than what is going on around you. You try to look for the good in people, but sometimes you just have to admit it might not be there. You can only be who you are, and if the people around you can’t cut it, then they aren’t good enough for you.

I recently was tested as to whether the words I just stated were pretty thoughts in my head, or words I actually live by. I am happy to report that I surprised even myself.

A situation came up that has happened before. I used to do whatever it took to make things copacetic, even if it meant being submissive; but no more. And never again. I stood my ground, and am very proud. I'm not going to go into details except this....

To a certain person I say: Drugs and alcohol are not an excuse to treat people like shit. I know; I’ve been there and I’ve come out the other side a better person. There is more to life than living like this. You still have so much to learn and experience. I am not holding anything against you, but nor will I allow myself to be treated this way ever again. Alcohol or not.

I deserve the best there is and will not settle for anything less. I am not the same person I was. That person was never who I really am. It’s nice to finally meet you though. I really do hope you can be the person I know you can be so I can continue knowing you into the future. Otherwise, good luck and good wishes in all that you do.

Love

Me xoxo

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus

2009-06-10T15:13:00.002-05:00

As long as I live I think men and women will never understand each other. We try of course but it is a losing battle. Frankly, I don’t understand people in general. Let me amend that… I don’t understand SOME people. And I don’t understand SOME men.

Especially the Ex.

I text him on my way home last night and we made plans to hang out today. I wanted to see him, but he had some friends over and I was tired, so no big deal right? Right.

I passed out around 1 and was dead asleep when my phone went off around 2:30. It was him and he wanted to come over. Even though I was sleeping, I told him the back door was open and to let himself in.

He showed up around 3:30 drunk. Again… no big deal. I got out of bed so that we could talk for a bit, but I was exhausted and ready to go back to sleep. He came in my room, strips, and laid down. Next thing I know, his mouth is wide open, he’s taking up more than half the bed and he is SNORING!!! I can handle a lot of stuff, but I don’t do snoring.

I was sleeping so well before he came over too.
I tried waking him up. I tried rolling him over.
I tried pinching his nose and mouth so he’d stop breathing and wake up. NOTHING!

I couldn’t get back to sleep, so I tried to sleep on the couch. The cat litter smelled and I was too lazy to clean it at 4 am, so I tried going back in my room. I turned the fan on and put a pillow on his face.

Silence finally! I kept thinking he was going to suffocate or something though. I weighed the pros and cons of risking it against getting some much needed sleep. I left the pillow on his face….

Just kidding! I’m not a total bitch. I moved the pillow so it was off his mouth and nose but still laying against his face blocking his noise a little. I finally slept. And then overslept. He was supposed to be at work at 9 am, and after realizing that I had been pressing the snooze button for over an hour, I realized that it was 8:50.

He never even heard the stupid alarm going off for an hour! And he had the audacity to look at me like, “why’d you press snooze so long!”

I have allergies and my head feels like it’s going to explode in the mornings. If he wouldn’t have come over I could have had at least 2-3 more hours of sleep, and I wouldn’t feel like castrating someone today.

Really? What was the point of this? I enjoy a good booty call just as much as the next person and I love the kid to death but come on! You’d have to have patience of steel not to roll him off the bed and let his comatose ass sleep on the floor! Am I right or am I right?

Score

2009-06-08T13:55:00.000-05:00

Score!

No, I am not talking about what you think I am talking about…

First, I have been on this weight loss goal for the last 6 months and I am happy to report… Score!

I went to the doctor last week and I have lost 40 pounds. 40 pounds people!!!! That’s like a 10 year old being extracted from my ass! Unfortunately my pants actually look like I’ve dropped 40 pounds in them, and I feel like I’m swimming in them. Shopping trip!

Second, Kammie decided to have a little bar-b-que last week at our crib. I had already invited the Ex when Robbie and a few of my other friends informed me they were on their way. I warned them that I had invited the Ex, as it is MY HOUSE, and they said they were cool with it.

I was so nervous that gauntlets were going to be thrown down or something, but everything went pretty great. The Ex even brought his Wii over; which I had never played before. Bowling Rocks!

Robbie could not reign herself in all night unfortunately and ended up pouting (I’m not even kidding! The girl sat on the couch and frowned at me). Why? Because the Ex and I accidentally call each other pet names still and we don’t even notice it. It annoyed her. Whatever.

I am still pleased with the situation because my friends obviously understood that it was important to me. (I can’t hold it against Robbie. She means well) Score!

And lastly…. Weeds is on tonight!!!! Triple Score!!!!!

Waking up laughing

2009-06-02T11:28:00.004-05:00

I woke up laughing in my sleep this morning. It was seriously the weirdest thing ever. I wasn't even aware I was doing it until the Ex nudged me and asked what was so funny. (Yes, the Ex was over.. hehe shhhh)

I was dreaming that I was on this trip to Chicago with friends and people from school or something. The girl whose mother was driving (we were in our 20s I think but for some reason this girls mom drove us, don't ask) was a real Ice Queen and I just could not stand her. So when we got to Chicago we ditched them and took off for this mall. Next thing I remember is eating Sbarro in the food court with the Ex. Since we didn't have a ride home, we all jumped on a bus. I got there late and noticed my bags weren't anywhere to be found. I started freaking out because my book was in one of my bags, and there is no way I was going to drive 3 hours to Madison without anything to read. The next thing I know though, after like a 15 minute fit, was opening my eyes and seeing that we were in Madison. I had slept all the way there. (This is all a dream just to recap) And then I started laughing because I threw such a fit and then slept the whole way home anyway.

But I was laughing in real life too. Weird. I've never done that before. It just threw me off guard a little. The Ex already thinks I'm nuts so I don't worry what he thinks. How embarrassing that would have been though if that was a guy that I barely knew!

********

Speaking of the Ex. We still have a few kinks to work out with this whole being friends thing. We got in our first argument last night. Not good. (We made up though) We are trying this whole being honest with each other thing. When we dated, one of our main problems was trust. But when you're friends with someone, and sleeping with them too, where do you draw the line? For instance, he admitted to me that he had slept with this one girl, who I know by the way and don't approve of. But frankly, it's none of my business. He can't judge me on who I date, so why should I with him?

Sounds reasonable right? Yeah, if you're thinking logically. But when it comes to situations like this, who really thinks logically. So I guess I got a little judgemental, and he got a little offended.

He says that he likes that I am the only girl he feels comfortable telling this stuff too. That's great and all but I am not one of the guys. It's super cool that he thinks of me this way, but I'm only human, and have an ugly green monster just like any other girl. Even if we are just friends.

So where do you draw the line? I think I am going to go live in the woods or something and talk to animals. That would be much easier. Don't you think? (oh, I forgot about the bugs. Scratch that)

Bring on the Zen

2009-06-01T13:16:00.003-05:00

I have been on this whole "Zen" kick lately. It feels so much better to be happy instead of bitchy or angry at people. But there are just some times when no matter how hard you try, you just end up in a bad mood. My job is the main example.

I talk to people all day and I try to stay upbeat but some people are just rude, mean, and severely lacking in manners. Ever seen the movie 7 pounds with Will Smith? In the beginning he's on the phone with Woody Harrelson, who is a blind man working at a call center selling meat. Will completely goes off on him and insults him to no end. In my profession we are taught that the customer is not directly mad at us as people, but with the situation. But that is not always true. Some of the people are just plain mean and looking to make you feel bad about yourself. In these situations I really just want to snap out. WTF is wrong with these people?

Then I come into work today, almost late since I have the flu (thanks to my friends who were all sick and insisted they weren't contagious anymore) and almost slept through my alarm. There's a table set up with all of this food on it, and two big signs stating that it's two of the girls who work here's birthday, but you can only help yourself if you are invited to. This is literally what the signs say. I don't really give a crap because I brought lunch, but #1- How fricking rude and #2- the table is set up in the middle of the floor so I have to sit here, (all sick mind you) and smell the food they have over there. And some of it is pretty strong and rank.

I think I just need a new job or something. I had a panic attack the other day and I can't figure out why. My grandma has had them her whole life and I seriously don't want them. She has so much stress that she gets them quite frequently. I'm straight on that. So I'm starting the search now....

**********

On another note, I hung out with the Ex this weekend and it was quite fun. It feels great that we can actually chill and be friends without all the fighting and jealousy involved. When we dated and weren't fighting we'd have the best times. We never run out of things to talk about and I've really missed that. We went to my girl G's birthday bar-b-Que and it was pretty chill and laid back. I spent a lot of time talking to Ex of course but he got along good with most of my friends which is cool. And if you're wondering if there are any sparks there.... I can report that of course there are. There always will be. But I don't want a relationship with anyone. So we're both happy just being friends. I'm sure I'll marry him in like 10 years but until then...

SIKE!

RANDOMS

2009-05-28T11:42:00.003-05:00

*Day two of the contact on my windshield. I’m going to wait and see how long it takes to fall off. I know it’s just the most random thing ever.

Speaking of random…. I went out to SP last night to watch Robbie’s co-workers play volleyball at the bowling alley. (Yeah, we do that in WI) It was actually pretty fun except for the fact that my Ex from like 7 years ago was there with the girl he cheated on me with. She looks the same and he’s gained like 60 pounds! How random is it that after all these years, I run into them at a small town bowling alley of all places? I didn’t say hi of course. That wouldn’t have been fun. Instead I made sure to remain amazingly funny all night, had a blast, and completely ignored their presence. I mean, it’s not like we like each other or anything.

Then I met up with Louie and went out to a bar in Madison. We met this girl named Kelly and as we’re talking to her this creepy old ass guy walks up and starts hitting on her. When I say old I mean old. Like 60 or 70 years old. RANDOM! I asked her if she knew him and she had no idea. Louie of course stood up for her and this is what happened:

L: I’m sorry but do you know her?
Creepy: No (Opens his mouth and grins with these bigger than ever yellow dentures)
L: Then why are you talking to her? I don’t mean to be rude but do you mind?

At this point I stopped listening because I knew Louie could handle the situation. Creepy wanted a confrontation though and started getting in her face. I could not believe this. This old ass dude. I was not having this, especially after he fell into me.

Me: Excuse me! My friend asked you nicely to leave her alone. Are you deficient?
Creepy: You can’t talk to me like that I own this bar
Me: I don’t give an F*CK! Don’t talk to her like that
Creepy: I’m going to throw you guys out
Me: Who cares?
Creepy: Shut up fatty! (At this point I about punched this guy in the face. Senior citizen or not this guy almost got decked)
Me: Are you serious? You smell old. We can smell the formaldehyde coming out of your pores! If you don’t get out of my face…..

Then I was dragged away by Louie and like 2 guys because she knew shit was about to hit the fan. How random was that? This guy was like holding on to his AARP card and hitting on 20 years olds! I seriously thought I had seen it all.

And for the record: he didn’t own the place. He was just some creepy drunk. RANDOM!

A whole lotta nothing

2009-05-27T17:31:00.004-05:00

I'm bored so I don't care if I don't have anything to say; I'm going to rant anyway. Deal with it.

*I can't understand why people call customer service and say that they are going to sue me. Seriously. I collect my paycheck on the 15Th and last day of the month and that's pretty much all I care about dude. Ooh, you're not scaring anyone.

*Ever since Grey's went off the air and summer looms near, I lose all interest because I just want to watch some good TV. Is that too much to ask? Thank god Weeds comes on June 8Th. I've ran out of things to read, there's no good TV on, and boredom is not a good thing for me.

*I know this is going to sound really shallow but I don't care. I was in the break room today and yet another person commented on my weight loss. Yeah! I'm not gloating but I am congratulating myself... and then kicking myself for letting it get that bad in the first place. Never again.

*I hate going to the bathroom in public places. It's so weird. Every time I'm at work and go to the bathroom, there's like 5 people in there. I don't mind when it's my friends but otherwise it freaks me out. I have no idea why.

*I came home the other day and there was a spider in my bed. I know, useless information but if I'm sitting here rambling then I have to add that one in. You know how I feel about bugs.

*I get these pains in my stomach all the time and I swear that I can tell when something bad is going to happen. One night someone robbed something from me and all day I was anxious and couldn't figure out why. And then BAM! It happens all the time. Maybe I'm gifted. (haha, special gifted right?)

*I have this really annoying habit of checking the time on my phone about every other second of the day. Even though there is a clock on my computer in front of me, I still find it necessary to check the time on my phone. And of course that makes the day go by that much slower but I can't help it. Does anyone else do this?

*I've seen twilight like 50 times. And I've read each of the books so many times I don't even know. I don't know why but I re-read them all the time. I used to do that with Harry Potter but now it's Twilight. My brain never stops, and I find it relaxing to focus my thoughts on reading instead of all the other stuff in there. But I run out of things to read, so I re-read things. Over and over again. Am I neurotic?

*I have no idea how this happened but I noticed there was a contact on my windshield today when I went to lunch. A contact! It was raining. Maybe it fell from the sky? God's nearsighted???

*I am actually starting to prefer the taste of Miller Light to Leinie's! Oh no, I'm going to hell. Did I actually just say that? Spite me down because I think I just did.

So I know this is a lot of rambling about nothing but it seems my A.D.D. is a little out of control. Thank goodness work is almost over and I can go work out all this energy on the elliptical.

Peace.

Trailer Barbie

2009-05-27T12:07:00.004-05:00

I have been having a block the last couple of days so instead of a full post, I'm just going to leave you with this....

Don't I look like Trailer Barbie???

She always makes me smile

2009-05-25T12:50:00.006-05:00

For being broke I actually had an OK weekend. The lamest part about it is that today's Memorial Day and I'm at work while it's beautiful outside. It's not even busy here but of course, there's those few people that have to call about some stupid gift card, or they lost their debit card for the 100Th time. So someone has to be here to answer those calls. Lucky me, I'm one of them.

I got to see my Pickle this weekend and I thought I'd share a few pictures of how cute she is. Her hair is so long now.

At least her pictures put a smile on my face. She's going to be a force of nature when she gets older. Every time she sees someone she says, "hi" in the cutest voice, and everyone just melts.

Lets be clear

2009-05-21T15:25:00.005-05:00

I am seriously deficient. I know I can be really blond and it's nothing new but this really made me laugh and I had to share this with you. A couple of weeks ago I was laying around at Robbie’s house waiting for her to get home. I woke up from a nap and decided to put my contacts in. One of them felt like there was something still in it, so I took it back out and was going to wash it out again.

To be fair, I have to explain how I misunderstood. When I first started using contacts the doctor told me it’s not good to use different solutions. So that stuck in my head. I started using Opti-free replenish as the doctor recommended. But I got an infection in my left eye, and decided to switch.

My mom recommended using Clear Care because it has Hydrogen peroxide and cleans your contacts better. OK, I thought I’d try it. So on this day, I had been using this stuff for only a couple of days. Instead of reading the directions like a normal person, I just went ahead and followed what my mom said. “Put the contacts in the case, which is more like a basket than the regular flat contact cases, and make sure to leave them in for 6 hours.”

Ok, I can do that. I’m not retarded. Or so I thought. So when I had to re-rinse the lens, I reverted back to what the doctor said about not mixing the solutions. I took the Clear Care bottle and rinsed out my lens.

Holy loving mother of God did that hurt. I literally screamed like that kid on Home Alone and couldn’t get the stupid thing out! Rizzy ended up coming home and found me bawling like a baby. She got it out for me, bless her amazing heart, but my eye was seriously F-U-CKED up. And it was the left eye to top it off; the one I keep having problems with. My eye healed after a day or so but that experience definitely left a lasting impression.

So today I had put my contact in backwards, (the left one of course), my eye got all red and irritated again. A lady at work was asking me what kind of solution I use, so I Googled it and showed her the site.

Best part of the whole thing is that, as the site says, “One of the first things that tells you that Clear Care is different is the red ring around the bottle top. This “safety collar” is there as a reminder to you the Clear Care can burn or sting your eyes if you don’t use it the right way.”

What?! I just thought that stupid thing was a child seal or something.

“Never rinse lenses with Clear Care prior to inserting lenses into your eyes. Clear Care is a powerful cleaning and disinfecting solution that will burn and sting your eyes unless neutralized properly.”

Wow. I am really lame. I should learn how to read directions. You would think I would have learned my lesson when I was 17 and cooked a pizza in the oven with the cardboard still underneath. We had to stand around and eat it off the cardboard with forks.

I’m special.

The best day ever!!!!

2009-05-21T11:54:00.000-05:00

You know those mornings where you wake up and the sun is shining, the birds are chirping, and you just can’t wait to get up and face the day? Yeah, today was not one of those mornings.

I woke up with the worst headache ever, probably due to the fact that the stupid birds wouldn’t shut up outside all fricking night, and I downed like ten different kinds of alcohol last night. I rolled out of bed and tried to get ready as fast as possible so I could run to moms and steal some Excedrin Migraine again. (It’s the only thing that helps and I’m too cheap to buy it myself. Stealing from mom is much more cost efficient).

I ended up puking in the sink while I was brushing my teeth. I hit my head on the wall in the shower after the neighbor turned on her water which caused mine to turn ice cold, and I left the house with no underwear on. (Not intentionally)

With 15 minutes to go before I had to be to work and still not at moms yet, I got stuck behind a guy on a lawnmower, couldn’t see because there was something in my contact and I realized my gas was on empty.

I ended up clocking in to work only a few minutes late but then I spent 10 minutes in the bathroom, which I’ll have to make up later, trying to figure out what was wrong with my contact. I had it in backwards.

So now here I sit with no underwear on, starving because I forgot to eat last night when I was drunk and didn’t have time to this morning, and I’m not even sure if I have enough gas to make it to the gas station after work.

Hmmm. I wonder if I’ve done anything wrong lately to deserve all of this. Ha! Silly rabbit. Of course I have.

Holy shit! It can be done

2009-05-18T12:10:00.000-05:00

So you know how I said it was impossible for me to be friends with an ex? Well I still hold to that mostly, but there can be amendments to that I believe. I know the next thing I say is going to sound very strange, especially since I talk mad shit about him on a regular basis, but I think I made cool with the Ex. Well, at least as cool as we ever are.

I know I said I wasn’t going to call him, and I didn’t, but I did send him a text letting him know that I apologize for being rude on the phone; he just shocked the shit out of me. I also said that I was happy and wasn’t interested in playing any games so…

I guess he was out of minutes so he called me back to see what I had said. Surprisingly, we actually had a nice conversation, free of all the hatred and bullshit we used to pull on each other in the past. It was like having a normal conversation. Ha! Seriously. Like before we moved in with each other and things went to shit.

He asked if I wanted to meet up and talk. Dum Dum Dum! I was a little tipsy and thought what the hell. I like to live dangerously. So I met up with him to see what he had to say.

He looks exactly the same and I look completely different. Better of course. So much better than it was nice to see the appreciation in his eyes, even though he’s always loved the way I look no matter what.

Ok, back to reality. We talked. Nobody went to jail or the emergency room, no one confessed their undying love (well, of course there’s still love but not undying or anything), and frankly, I feel relieved. Like a boulder has been lifted off my shoulders. We both apologized for all the horrible things we’ve done to each other, and agreed that we went about a lot of things the wrong way.

It was like having a grown up conversation. Weird. At one point he did ask me what I would do if he broke up with the Bitch, and wanted me back….

I smiled sweetly at him, put a hand on his knee and said, “Ex, I love you, I will always love you, but you are a horrible boyfriend and I will NEVER date you again. I don’t want to date anyone, but I definitely won’t date you. I mean here you are, sitting here with me, and your girlfriend has no idea where you are. I remember those days of sitting at home wondering where you were, and frankly, she can have the job.”

So all in all, I am optimistic that I can actually be friends with an ex. If it doesn’t happen and he reverts back to his bullshit ways, or I never hear from him again, cool beans, but at least I was adult enough to try.

Wow. I really feel like doing a beer bong or flashing someone right now; something immature to balance everything out. I am a firm believer in balancing things out if you couldn’t tell.

Teachers and beer bongs don't mix

2009-05-17T17:11:00.000-05:00

For an assignment for school I am supposed to find a few court cases against teachers, and give my opinion on the outcomes. I need one more and can not find it on the stupid library database so I googled it. (Hey, google is the SHIT)

I came across this article that talks about a student teacher being denied her degree because of a picture of her on her Myspace page. The argument is that she is promoting underage drinking because she has a pirate hat on, is holding a can of beer, and the quote for the photo states, “drunken pirate.”

Ok, I understand that schools have to be careful of whom they hire, and that teachers have to be above reproach inside of school as well as out. But I think this is a little ridiculous. Nowhere is she “promoting” underage drinking. She’s obviously a grown adult enjoying a damn beer. People are too uptight.

The article then goes on to say how you should be careful of everything that you put on the internet because chances are it will never go away. This got me a little worried. You know, I’m going to school to be a teacher. If anyone ever reads my Myspace or even this blog I doubt I’d ever get hired.

I don’t think any school board would find beer bongs and apple pie shots adequate above-approach behavior.

Jizz in my pants??

2009-05-16T17:08:00.003-05:00

Thursday night I went out with my friends to Pedro's on the West side. The boys were back from Virginia so we wanted to go out. Ended up meeting up with B and her boy. I actually did karaoke. Not fun I might add. It's much more enjoyable to watch I think than get up and sing. Which is probably pretty weird for me because I usually enjoy being the center of attention.

But the night ended up @ Robbie's and I had to best time I've had in 4-ever. Damn, I thought I was funny but B is a funny ass bitch. The two of us couldn't stop encouraging each other and I'm sure everyone was fucking amazed with what we were talking about.

For example, she started talking about this video where they Jizz in their pants! I thought she was talking about some sex ed video or some shit. No. She was talking about this....

She was never allowed to watch cable growing up. See what you do when you deprive your kids? They end up watching shit like this! Good job.

Just a quick laugh

2009-05-14T18:10:00.002-05:00

I know I posted today but I have to write this quick before I forget. I always think of these funny ass ideas to write about and I always forget them.

So I work in Customer Service and I swear people say the funniest shit to me every fricking day! Case in point:

I was talking to this older lady today about her credit card. She wanted to dispute a transaction from some computer security program. The call ended up lasting over 20 minutes where she finally realized that the transaction was valid and she had renewed her subscription with this company. (I leave work everyday with a sore jaw because I spend all day wasting my breath on conversations like this.)

During our conversation she went off on this long spiel about how she had to call this company and of course she had to speak to someone in India because everyone is cheap and outsourcing. And god knows you can never understand those people, she says, so she doesn't even want to speak to them and pay this charge.

Then, she goes off on how the program doesn't work anyway and it's supposed to keep her computer safe but doesn't.... SO SHE MIGHT AS WELL WRAP 10 CONDOMS AROUND IT TO KEEP IT SAFE FOR GOD SAKES!

This woman was in her 70s! I couldn't believe that she said that. I get elderly people who bitch and moan and complain about everything under the sun, but referring to condoms is a new one for me. People are great.

The future for Madison Lush

2009-05-14T11:52:00.003-05:00

God it's gorgeous outside. I've decided that I don't feel like working anymore. Ever. So, what should I do about money????

Good question that has an excellent answer! This guy I know was talking about how this girl got SSI for being stupid. Are you serious? People are getting paid for being stupid? I can do that.

I went to the SSI website to do a little research. Much better than doing my homework, don’t ya think?

But really, what are the requirements for receiving disability? The website states that you have to have a disability whether it is mental or medical. OK, we’re good so far. I always have some sort of medical problem. I’m sure they are looking for something long term, and with my luck I’ll have the Swine Flu before the month is out.

Even without a medical disability, I am more than a shoe in when it comes to the mental department. All I’d have to do is walk in to the competency interview and show them all the meds in my purse. The thing sounds like a baby rattle when you shake it.

And if that’s not enough, I can definitely provide character statements from many witnesses. My psychologist being one of them. Oh ya. I’d be approved for sure.

If this plan falls through though, I could always have a bunch of babies, go on welfare, get a cute trailer, and fix that shit up!

A girl can dream can’t she?

Unwanted and Unwelcome

2009-05-13T13:14:00.002-05:00

I believe that last night is definitely one for the books. I stopped at Pedro’s after work to have some drinks with the girls. The atmosphere was completely different than it was the week before. Instead of Lil Wayne and Jay Z, the DJ was spinning crap and more crap. The worst part was the group of Rainbow Bright cult people doing karaoke to music that I can’t even name. I had to put my I pod on I was in so much pain. Ugh, keep that old happy shit at home please.

Thank goodness Robbie sprung me and we headed to Vintage for lots of Apple Pie shots. Yum Yum! We met up with D and headed out for breakfast after a bit. Robbie was in a horrible mood because of her BF so we left her and headed to my place. After some very satisfying Sex I went to the kitchen to get some water.

My cell phone was beeping so I checked my messages, and guess who called me at 3 am? The Ex! I have not heard from this boy since I dropped his ass off last year after he came over and cheated on his girl with me! Bam! Then he pulls a random and calls me in the middle of the night! I was so drunk and in shock that I told him I was busy with D and hung up on him.

He actually had the nerve to call back and leave me a message…. I had turned the phone on silent and climbed back into bed with D but we listened to it this morning and this is what the little F-ucker said:

Ex: "I wasn’t calling to hook up with you or get back together with you. I was just calling to see.. ah what you're doing and if I could get a ride. Obviously that was a mistake. Hit me up when you feel you need to talk to me. I don't know what's up with you. I don't know what's up with me. I'm drunk and... ok.. huh.. whats up..shutup..biatch.”

Boy is delusional.
Ok first: I am glad that's not what he was calling about but I didn't really think it was. I was just so shocked that he actually called me. And not even on private. Now I have his number. Not like I want it, but he always calls with the number blocked.
Next: Why would I need to call him? We haven't talked in almost a year. I pretty much got the hint that he had moved on.
Lastly: Last time he called me for a ride was the last time I saw him. He came over and we hooked up. Then I found out he had a GF and was living with her. You are correct in saying that asking for a ride was obviously a BIG mistake. Where's your girlfriend? Call her.

Now,If I was a lesser person I could take advantage of this situation. I'm sure ol' girl would not appreciate him calling me like that. But i'm not going to do anything. I don't know what he's playing at but I am really not interested.

*If him and his girl are fighting and he’s looking to make her mad or have some side entertainment: I’m not interested!
*If he misses me and just wants to get together and talk: I’m not interested
*If he wants me back: I sure as hell am not interested
*If he was just drunk dialing and needed a ride: I'm not a taxi and even if I was, your money is no good here.

I never wanted things to be like this between us. At one time I had actually cared for this kid. But his actions have pretty much made it impossible for us to even be civil towards one another.

Playtime is over honey.

They let her out of her cage again!!

2009-05-12T18:28:00.005-05:00

This is going to be a weird one but whatever. I keep starting these posts and then getting sidetracked so they’re only half completed. I’m just going to throw them together. Deal with it.

******

People are trying to cop my Wank Wank! What the hell is this? When I first started saying this, people thought that I was crazy.
"That's from two years ago Lush"
"I don't care, I'm bringing it back!"

And now that it's caught on, EVERYONE is saying it. Holy mother fucking cow. I know I am the shit and all but I have never been the one that people want to talk like. I mean, have you read my posts? Completely out of my mind, and sane people should know this.

Again, I can't claim Patton on this or anything, but this is a word that I have started using all the time. And now other people have started saying it. Ever seen Clerks II? I'm bringing it back!

**********

I met a hottie... and OMG... I actually like him. Don't bust a nut it's not as exciting as all that but I will get to it in a second.

First off. Went to meet up with an old friend the other night for a drink. Let's call her Rican. Cause that's what she is. Haven't seen her in forever because she and Robbie have bad history. Being in the same room with them at the same time is as comfortable as waking up next to a random and not remembering their name.

I usually give guys a fake name when they hit on me.. You know, got to spice things up a little bit. Which I believe all girls do at one time or another. This particular evening I went with Martha and introduced Ghetto (well, I had called her something else but it’s too easy to guess so I’m going to change it up) as Patricia. No offense to anyone who might be named Martha or Patricia but they are names usually given to babies back in the day. I think that shit’s funnier than say, Jessica or Brittany. It’s gotta be funny people.

If you haven’t guessed, yes I scared them off like I do all guys I can’t stand talking to. OK, back to my point… Wait, what was my point? Damn, I’m rambling I need a Ritalin…

(30 minutes later) OK under control. Back to our regular scheduled program…..

So like I said... I met a hottie... But it's not as exciting as all that, let me explain.

Originally, I thought he (I had the hardest time coming up with a name for him so for now we'll call him D) was someone else when I first spotted him in the club. I guess I’ve known him since whenever when but for the life of me I can’t remember. Alcohol does that to you kids. Just Say No!

Boy was looking good so I told the girls I was gonna Mack. Poor guy must think I’m nuts. First came the flirting and initial attraction. Then I decided he just had to come home with us which ended up turning into a big fight between me and Robbie. Why? Because there wasn't enough room in the car and instead of listening to her when she said she'd drop people off and come back, I thought she was hating! Being the gentleman that he is, D overlooked the screams and the tears and got us to the crib. You can guess what happened next.

Now when I say “I like him,” I am referring to the fact that I wouldn’t mind hanging out again. Not like “OMG I totally have a crush” kill me now “like.” I know how bored I get so let’s not get all excited here. It’s always fun to meet new people though, don’t ya think?

**Oh, and side note.. I mentioned that I was writing about him on here and when I saw him last night he pulled out his Iphone and showed me he'd checked it out. On one hand, that's kind of sweet right? On another, now I can't write bad things about him on here right? Just kidding. I would never do anything like that.

Meme

2009-05-07T13:30:00.003-05:00

Thanks for the Memery
(stolen from Depresso)
1. What are your current obsessions? Healthy food and school

2. Which item from your wardrobe do you wear most often? My Silver jeans or my Victoria Secret Hoodie

3. Last dream you had? I was a gun runner

4. Last thing you bought? Miller Lite (can't drink Honey Weiss until I get rid of my beer belly)

5. What are you listening to? My IPOD

6. If you were a god/goddess who would you be? There are three possible: Alethia: the Goddess of Truth.
Amphictyonis she was the Goddess of Wine, and of Friendship Between Nations
Caligo:Called the mother of Chaos

7. Favourite holiday spots? Vegas, and hopefully someplace tropical

8. Reading right now? Patricia Briggs Cry Wolf, Charlaine Harris Dead and Gone, and Jane Austen Pride & Prejudice

9. Four words to describe yourself. Drunk, Crazy, Loyal, Amusing

10. Guilty pleasure? Messing with people.. I love to antagonize

11. Who or what makes you laugh until you’re weak? Myself.. I'm a funny bitch

12. Favourite spring thing to do? Running with the dogs or without, reading in the sun, securing my house from bugs for the season(weird i know but necessary)

13. When you die, what would you like people to say about you at your funeral? Damn, how are we ever going to have fun again now that Crunk Dale is gone?

14. Best thing you ate or drank lately? Turkey burger and organic strawberries.. yum yum

15. When did you last go for a night out? Tuesday!!! Cinco de Mayo

16. Who is your idol if you have one? My Grandma for always being there. Jenna Jameson for doing the damn thing. Barack Obama for being an actual man of integrity and hope. Me, for always getting back up no matter what and brushing that off.

17. Care to share some wisdom? Don't ever date anyone 21 or under. And laugh at everything. Makes life more fun!

18. Song you can’t get out of your head? Boom Boom Pow by Black Eyed Peas

19. Thing you are looking forward to? The weekend and BEER

20. Which disease or condition would you most like to see eradicated? Getting old

21. What is your most irrational fear? Bugs.. and it's not irrational. Those things are the devil incarnated

22. Who are your favourite comedians? Lisa Lampinelli, Chris Rock,

Rules of the game. Respond and rework. Answer questions on your own blog. Replace one question. Add one question. Tag 6 people.

I am such a brat

2009-05-06T11:22:00.002-05:00

I think I completely went a little overboard last night. But I just couldn't help myself. He HE.

I went out for Cinco De Mayo last night with the girls. Pedro's was hopping as it always is on tuesdays and thursdays. You know when you run into someone that you absolutely CAN NOT stand? Ya, that happened last night.

Loud ass is this girl that I know through the Ex. She's actually best friends with his girl. Lame. She came running up to me like I actually wanted to talk to her. She asked me for my phone number so she could return these books that she borrowed from me. The thought of this girl actually calling me made me puke a little in my mouth. I told her just to donate them to Goodwill. Louie almost spit out her Margrita all over bitches face she was laughing so hard. See, i'm a brat.

Then to top off the night, my friend Mouth showed up and we got to talking about old girl. He happened to mention that he knew the Ex's girl. Turns out they both get green from him! Ha, not if I can help it. So I took his phone and text her that she better not call me again(as if I was him) and that I didn't know she knew me so Peace out. See, i'm a brat.

O-M-G. Girl got so mad. Called me and him both crazy and instigated that I was stuck on the Ex! Ya, I absolutely 100% DO NOT THINK SO! Everyday I wake up and roll over in my huge bed, I smile and think how much I love my life now that I don't have some BOY trying to dictate my life. I truly am happy for them and I wish them all the best in the whole world.

Except for talking to my peoples. Sorry biatch, you ARE CUT THE FUCK OFF!!

See I told you I'm a brat!! Love you... xoxo

Wank! Wank!

2009-05-04T12:05:00.004-05:00

New Favorite Word:
Wank Wank

I absolutely love saying this now. If you think about it you can apply this to almost any situation, whether good or bad.

Example: A person is being an ass.. you answer "wank wank"
A person tells you they love you.. you smile and answer "wank wank"
A person asks you out on a date and you're not interested.. your response "wank wank"

And so on....
Try it. Even if you're being a jerk saying it I bet it puts a smile on your face.

Sorry I haven't posted in a bit but I've been super busy (read: lazy). The boys are gone on their trip again so I'm staying @ Robbie's with her. I don't usually mind staying there but I always miss my kitties. We've had a few parties there but nothing over the top. Robbie's co-worker Rizzy(not her real name of course) has moved in for a little bit and I've found a new friend in her. She's only 19 but she's still pretty cool. It's her birthday tomorrow so I took her down to the Vintage Saturday night. Of course she got her fake taken because it didn't look anything like her but only after they double carded her. I remember being under 21. What a lame ass time that shit was!

Acker thinks she is slick and surprised me by having Louie there so we could talk. I appreciate the gesture and I agree that I do miss her at times but I'm still weary. She's been one of my oldest friends forever so that's the only reason I'm giving her another chance. I still don't like her reasoning though so I'm definitely being careful. When I asked her why she didn't tell me right away that dude was blowing up her phone and they were spending time together, her response was, "why should I, you aren't my PO?" What kind of answer was that? Seriously! Wank Wank!

I've been hurt by people so much that I am just not willing to take anymore chances. Just because we differ in our opinion doesn't mean she can't respect my feelings. So I believe distance may be necessary. I can't help it if I seem cold. Defensive mechanism automatically kicks in.

So to end on a good note.....

WANK WANK!!!

Leaving the ghetto

2009-04-28T16:25:00.002-05:00

God I'm lame. Well let me amend that because obviously the universe is rocking with that obviously false statement.

I mentioned a long time ago on here how i don't have a windshield wiper or signal thingie on my steering wheel do to a stupid fight between me and the Ex one drunken night. So in order to get them to work, my brother had to jury rig my steering wheel so I could at least move the little piece up and down every time I wanted to turn the signal on. (and trust me, the little piece is tiny and you can't see it while you're driving so I've had to get used to feeling it out without looking)

The wipers are even worse. Every time I want to turn them on I have to stop my car, get out, and pit the fuse in. Or stop my car and take the fuse out to turn them off.

Yes. I am very aware of how ghetto this is. My car has looked like someone tried to steal it for so long I don't even notice it anymore.

But I was finally able to score the necessary parts to get it fixed without paying out my ass at a shop and I AM ECSTATIC.

I know that sounds lame but seriously. You try driving around ghetto-fied for a year and tell me how ecstatic you'd be! Ugghh... *jumping up and down here*

I even asked my mom to buy me a new steering column for Christmas it is so annoying.
I got a gym membership. (which I love don't get me wrong, but not what I asked for)

The captain has left the building

2009-04-27T11:10:00.002-05:00

Everyone has that one alcohol that no matter how many times they drink it something happens. I actually have a few of those as I'm an emotional person and tend to take things to the extreme. Naturally.

My kryptonite used to be vodka. People actually refused to hang out with me while I was drinking vodka because it seemed anyone in the vicinity ended up with collateral damage. I can handle vodka now. Mostly. A few incidents here and there but nothing major.

During my most wild days, Kammie and I used to guzzle Captain by the bottle. A piece. I love a girl who can keep up with me. But unfortunately the Captain seems to be too much for me and has now crossed over into kryptonite status. Truthfully I guess anything you consume in excess could be labeled in that category.

Case in point: Saturday afternoon... Mccants, Acker and I got a bottle of Captain and decided to have a few drinks. Which turned into the whole bottle. Which turned into me crying, bitching, laughing, and any other possible emotion.

I really hate it when I act like an ass. I even woke up drunk. Good times. The bad part about the whole thing is the traveling. I decided to relocate to Robbie's who had guests. Nothing like telling off a bunch of people for being at your best friends house that they need to leave cause they, and I quote, "are maxing on my bestie time. So step off." I'm special. I never matured past first grade.

I think I'm going to stick with Leinie's for awhile. Especially when I'm associating with the general public.

Me and Tiny Tim

2009-04-20T19:23:00.003-05:00

I am sick again. If you didn't get that the first time please let me repeat it for you. I AM SICK AGAIN.

Seriously. We took my niece to the zoo this weekend and she caught something from some kid at her daycare. Now her, my brother, his fiance and me are all sick. I don't know how I think I'm going to be a teacher when I can't even be around my own niece without getting germs. And you know kids are carriers for anything and everything you could possibly ever get. That's just asking for it right there.

I'm just so shocked because I just got done being sick and now here we are again. People at work keep asking me what's wrong and I hesitate to even tell them. I think I've caught an eye roll of two out of a couple of them when I tell them I am sick again. Like it's my fault. Sometimes I feel like one of those sickly kids who always have some sort of problem because their mom couldn't lay off the sauce while she was preggo.

Or Tiny Tim. Isn't he the little boy who was always on the brink of death or something? And it's always something weird with me too you know? First my gall bladder(and who the heck gets their gall bladder taken out at 24), a spider bite where I become allergic to spiders, a broken toe/foot/ass.. whatever. If it's something that can be broken I am sure I'll eventually break it.

I am going home and swallowing a bottle of NyQuil, drinking some soup, swallowing some vitamins and going to sleep. I WILL GET RID OF THIS! Being sick is NOT HOT!

If only I had my own zoo

2009-04-16T18:26:00.002-05:00

I'm taking the Pickle to the zoo this weekend and I can not wait. She's at that age where everything is amazing to her. Everytime she sees something, she points and says, "what's that?" all cute in this little voice. It's so precious.

The only thing I really hate about the zoo is the insects. Really. Who needs to have insects on display? It's bad enough they exist and I have to deal with them in real life. At the zoo here in Madison some smart ass has decided that cockroaches are educational. So every time I go to the zoo, planning on enjoying myself, I end up having to look at these huge DISGUSTING cockroaches.

Even if I try to avoid them, everyone knows of my disdain for bugs and finds it hilarious to point them out. And it's not like I can NOT look. They're huge!

Who came up with this? I was talking to a customer today and mentioned this to him. He lives in California where cockroaches are most likely not sparse and thought it was funny that the zoo in Madison has cockroaches on display. His words: "that's like putting the common house fly on display." I agree. (and not even because he sounded SUPER cute and flirted with me for 20 minutes. Too bad he lives in California..*sigh*)

If I had my own zoo, hmmm there's a future goal, I would make sure there was not bugs on display. If someone wants to look at a bug they can go outside or look it up in a book. I don't know why anyone would want to look at big African cockroaches anyway. That's just nasty.

Leaving the Kids at home

2009-04-16T11:28:00.004-05:00

Wow. I was just reading over my last post and all I have to say is WOW. I have a little bit of a temper don't I? Ha! You really have no idea.

I'm a little annoyed with myself though this morning. Why do I even let him get to me anymore? I say I'm over it but I'm obviously still harboring some anger towards him. But it really isn't that. Yes he did me wrong but so what? He's young and a boy. That's really just a given. When I met him I knew this about him so it was really not a big deal. So why do I let it get to me?

Here's why: I absolutely CAN NOT stand it that he thinks he's so cool. It just really grates my nerves. I know I should not care and most of the time I really don't but seriously! DO NOT go around telling people not to tell me that you've talked. I COULD CARE LESS. If I wanted to go talk to him I could. He works down the street from me. I have not tried to contact him once since we ended it for good. Get the Hell over yourself dude.

On a better note: I got a text from that guy that we met in Milwaukee at the Brewers game. He has invited me down to Chicago for dinner and drinks and I think I am going to take him up on it. I am so tired of the LITTLE BOYS around me. I think I need a little adult time.

Play time is F-ing over!

Losers and their audacity

2009-04-15T23:48:00.002-05:00

OK. I am going to apologize ahead of time because this post is going to be a bitch the fuck out post! Seriously! I am almost irate.

So I was watching some show tonight and decided to text Danny. That's the Ex's ex girlfriend. Her and I are actually really cool and she's coming up here this summer to party for a couple of days. I sent her a message and told her how I had messaged the Ex the other day letting him know about his cat and to ask if he could take my pictures of me off his Myspace. I've asked him this numerous times and still they are on there. There are no pictures of his girl. Just pictures of me. I am not even his friend on there anymore. I deleted his ass as soon as I regained brain function.

But I was feeling nice the other day and sent him a very nice message. Truthfully. I was nice. But now I am pissed. He specifically told her not to tell me that he had text her. LIKE I FRICKING CARE!!

What makes me so mad is that not once have I tried to contact him. I haven't wanted to. He's moved on and he's with his dirty hoe. Cool beans. Have a nice life. Peace the fuck out.

But don't go around telling people NOT to tell me that you've talked. Like I'm going to stalk him or something??? He's the one who asks about me when my family runs into him at his place of employment.... McDonald's. Yeah buddy.

I have moved on. Lost weight. Had a few one night stands and broken a few hearts. Got contacts and joined the Gym. Went back to school and am getting A's. Does that sound like a person hung up over a little boy?

NO! I know I shouldn't even get angry about this but it pisses me off. Like I'm sitting around pining for him or something. This was his problem while we were dating. He had such a high opinion of himself that he did whatever he wanted. YOU MEAN FUCKING SHIT TO ME DUDE. Take your attitude and go fuck your nasty trailer trash girlfriend.

.... That's all I'm going to say about that. This just goes to show... don't ever let your guard down. Once a loser, always a loser.

That's my new motto and I'm sticking to it.

Barbie and Ken

2009-04-13T13:36:00.003-05:00

So you know the age old question: do blonds really have more fun?

I was having a talk with Acker this weekend and she brought up the fact that the blond waitresses at her work seem to get more tips than her even though they have zero personality.

So is it their hair that is the appeal? I have blond hair and I can personally say that there are perks to being blond, but there are also stereotypes that are associated with blonds as well. We've all heard or personally referred to a blond as a ditz because of the color of her hair. I have even made fun of myself before saying things like, "wow, I am really blond today," or "duh duh duh.. the blond is popping out!"

The bad thing about this though is that not all blonds are ditsy or stupid; I am going to school to be a teacher. I can be a little flighty sometimes but that's just me. It does not refer in any way to my hair color.

Like I said there can be perks that come with the color of your hair. Some people just love blonds. Friday I went to the Brewers game in Milwaukee with Escamilla. I don't even like baseball that much but I enjoy any place that is filled with drunk people having a great time. And that's exactly how it turned out. I was even doing beer bongs in the parking lot and shots of Jack. (yes, I was faded on the way home.) The Brewers won and it was super fun to cheer them on. Best game I've ever been to.

While we were walking to Friday's in the stadium, some guy did a double take. Double take: when someone looks at you and then looks again cause they can't believe how hot you are. It was funny. Haven't had that happened in quite awhile. Makes a girl feel pretty good. (oh, and did I mention all the supremely HOT guys at the game? Forget the bar, sporting events are THE place to meet hotties. We even met these guys who took us out to dinner in the penthouse bar at the Hyatt.)

Moral of the story: It really isn't the color of your hair that makes you a fun person. For guys that think that, let them have their boring time with Barbie. You don't want a Ken doll anyway.

Crazy is as crazy does

2009-04-08T12:26:00.003-05:00

Well Bad Girls has reached an all time status of: out of control. Or maybe it just seems that way because I've been so chill lately. It used to be that if there was craziness it just meant it was another day ending in Y.

What started out to be a kind of dull night ended up becoming one of the all time craziest Bad Girls ever. Well, maybe not crazy like do a bunch of beer bongs and hook up with a random dude crazy. Hey, I'm not talking about me here. I would NEVER do anything like that... (that's my story and I'm sticking to it) But crazy like being in the mental hospital from 12 Monkeys crazy.

First we started off with a little innocent trip downtown to my friend Mouth's. That's obviously not his real name but I'm going to call him that because he has such a smart ass mouth. If you're reading this I told you I was going to call you out on here. Shouldn't be such a little smart ass should ya?

Anywho, that ended up moving us around to a couple of different places until we all ended back up at the Crib. I know we were not that loud, or at least not as loud as were usually are. And there was only like 7 people there so no big deal right?

Well it probably wouldn't have been if drama hadn't popped off. After I went to bed, I was awoken by screaming coming from my roomies room. Now Kammie is my Ride or Die and I love her to death, but I seriously gotta shake my head sometimes. She was laying down with one of our friends, just laying down mind you, when her boyfriend decided to stop over at 5 am and try to climb in her window.

Hold up. Let's just count the things that are wrong with this picture:

1. she told him not to come over and she wasn't home so why is he just stopping by like he owns the place?
2. why isn't her window locked knowing that he does this kind of crap (trust me, not the first time we've caught him outside. creepy? I agree)
3. boy definitely needs to learn some boundaries
4. after he opens the window and flips out, he stands outside screaming at her and then our friend who was laying there starts fighting with him

If this isn't bad enough, our upstairs neighbor who already hates us comes stomping down the stairs, pounds on our door and starts screaming at Kammie. Here's a little replay:

Kammie: I'm so sorry
bitchy lady from upstairs: i have a 5 year old and you woke him up
Kammie (high as hell): i know I'm so sorry
bitchy lady from upstairs: i tolerate a lot from you guys but this is out of control
Kammie (still messed up): i know I'm so sorry someone just came screaming at our window
bitchy lady from upstairs: uugghh! (stomps away and all the way upstairs)

While all of this is going on I'm laying in my bed like WTF. I just fell asleep, i have PMS, and now I'm PISSED. I woke up and went in her room and almost climbed through the window at him. He ran away of course.

So now not only is my house an asylum for drunks and debauchery galore, we have now crossed over into "the neighbors everyone hates!" Great, now I can't even get my mail when people are around. They think this is bad they are REALLY going to hate us this summer! Poor people. I almost feel bad for them. Maybe they'll move away. Here's hoping.

Clearing away the cobwebs

2009-04-07T15:40:00.002-05:00

Holy fricking cow am I sore. Muscles I didn't even know I had are screaming at me. And it feels amazing. You know those people that are addicted to the gym and are there every night? Yeah, that's going to be me.

After work last night I had plans to go to the gym with Robbie and Kammie but ended up having to deal with some drama first. I got so upset that I was just going to get drunk and say F it. Robbie talked me out of it though and I am so glad that she did. I felt much better working out my frustration on the elliptical than sitting around getting wasted and stewing about it.

Robbie and I have a goal that we're going to lose 20 pounds by July. I've already lost 30 since last year so that means I would have lost 50 fricking pounds. Ahhhh. Feels nice. And I didn't even have to go on Biggest Loser to do it.

I know I've probably talked about the fitness thing before but I can't help it. It feels great to be all healthy. Wow. This is what sober people are always talking about. Ha. I always wondered but was usually to drunk to figure it out.

Somethings Gotta Give

2009-04-06T16:21:00.003-05:00

Blah! That is all I have to say about that. A couple of months ago I got into this funk like I was waiting for something to happen, and I feel like that now. Things with some of my girls have been kind of strained, I am no longer talking to Louie and her new boyfriend Leo, I barely party anymore because I've been so focused on school and working out, and I just feel like BLAH!

I guess what i'm saying is i'm BORED. The guy that I told ya about, Mammoth, he is still around and such a sweetie. Holding on even though i'm super busy and have no time to hang out with him. I wish that I was more excited about him but I'm not yet and won't allow myself to be. But other than that, nothing. I even completed all of my assignments for this week for school. And it's monday. Lame.

I think I need to shake things up because they just got really dull. I don't do dull. I'm a Cancer. We get restless. Or maybe that's my ADD. Whatever.
Something has got to give.

A night with the Besties

2009-04-04T13:11:00.003-05:00

I went on a date last night with my girls, or as we like to call ourselves, the Primary Colors. ( background here: Robbie, Kammie, and I have been best friends for years and no matter who else comes into our lives, its always going to be us three. Primary colors: red, blue, and yellow) The three of us haven't gone out alone in a long time so we made a date last night and went out for appetizers, cocktails, and then bar hopping.

Nothing too crazy happened. We ditched some annoying guys, drank lots and lots of shots, bounced up on it, ate Taco Bell and then passed out. Typical night.

What is it about drinking that makes it impossible to say no to Taco Bell? Over the last couple of months, I've almost completely stopped eating fast food, fried foods,and mostly anything not healthy like chips and cookies. I've lost 30 pounds and am still going. Yes I know. Very happy about this. Working out has been helping but most of this weight was dropped by just changing my diet.

But whenever i'm out with the girls and we're drunk, if someone mentions Taco Bell, it's almost impossible to say no. I woke up with a headache but wasn't too hungover. So I guess it has some merit. Too bad we don't live in a world where Taco Bell has no calories or fat.

Now that's something to dream about.

I'm lovin' it!

2009-04-01T17:14:00.003-05:00

As I was sitting here at work, tired as hell after a night of Bad Girls, I just realized the the Exe's birthday has passed and I didn't even notice. I guess that's one way to know you are finally over someone. Truthfully, yes I will always hate him in a way for how he treated me but I believe he is EXACTLY where he needs to be. And that's working at McDonald's and living with HER, which is probably the same place he'll be in ten years.

Now that's what I call Karma!

Speaking of Karma, as I said, Bad Girls went out with a BANG last night! Even though Acker ditched us to go to the bar with Louie's shady ass, (don't ask it's just lame drama) Robbie, Kammie, and I had a fantastic time which included going to the strip club and seeing some beautiful ladies do their thing, Taco Bell where I actually got served, and a celebratory beer bong that knocked me on my ass.

Good times.

The weatherman is on crack

2009-03-28T11:56:00.003-05:00

So. The weather report is calling for snow. SNOW. It's almost April. How can there be snow? Me and Robbie have been sick pretty much all week and today is my last day before I have to go back to work tomorrow and I was really looking forward to going to the gym, or taking the dogs for a run. But no. There may be snow. When I hear those words, all I feel like doing is sitting my happy ass in front of the TV. But that's what we did yesterday and I don't feel productive anymore if the whole day is filled with TV.

What has happened to me? Motivation is good, but too much makes me feel like a pod person. Every day I get closer to 30, (hey, 5 years but still that could go by super fast), and I am trying to enjoy every minute of that. Unfortunately, everyone is sick and there's snow.

Lame. Well, I guess I can actually work on my paper that's due tomorrow instead of doing it at the last minute. Or not. We'll see. Hope everyone else's weekend is going a little better than ours.