Monday, August 27, 2012

Making lemonade out of lemons

This has been one hell of a week. It started off with me getting into a fight with two of my friends because I found out they lied to me over something trivial. I don't like liars; it makes me not want to trust them, and continuously question their actions and motives. Not exactly a good recipe for a friendship. Then, I was so busy worrying about this fight I was having that I put my purse on the edge of the sink in the bathroom at work so I could do my hair, and it ended up falling in the sink. The autowash came on, pouring water right into my purse on all my stuff, and essentially ruining my ipod. To say I was upset would be an understatement.  I don't exactly have an extra $140 laying around that I could use to replace it, especially since I'm having car problems and any extra $$$ has to be set aside for repairs. So it has definitely not been my week. 

I woke up this morning though feeling absolutely amazing and better than I had all week. That feeling didn't last too long. I had a mild headache that ended up as a full-blown, head pounding migraine by the time I got home from R's house. The sun was blaring at my all the way home from his house and by the time I got home, I was running to the bathroom to be sick. So I spent most of the day huddled on the couch in my darkened living room, trying to hear as little noise as possible, and wishing I had just stayed cuddled up in bed with him all day. R went camping this weekend and came back with the sexist tan. I couldn't keep my hands off him last night. That's mostly why I woke up in such a good mood this morning. Yum. I just love a sexy man with nice sun kissed skin, in a pair of khaki cargo shorts and a pair of flip flops. Yum Yum. Doesn't get much better than that. So as I sit here in my miserable state, 50 miles away from him, at least I have the memory of that to get me through this lousy day. Oh, and some strawberry cheesecake ice cream to cool my fever down a little, season 2 of Fringe to keep me entertained, and 7th Heaven By James Patterson to read when the TV becomes just too much. I love lazy days. Back to work tomorrow and definitely not looking forward to it. Back to my lounging.....

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Mommy Please

Babies, Babies, Babies... a topic that I can not seem to get out of my head lately. My biological clock has been ticking in my ear the last couple of years, but now it is positively chiming away. Especially now that I seem to be stepping into the role as step mom to Roarke's beautiful daughter Jenna. Seeing her so much lately has really started making me want a child of my own super bad. I've been putting it off for years, using excuses such as: I haven't found the right guy, I'm not ready yet, I'm not financially secure, or even just because I'm selfish of my time and really am not looking forward to having to wake up before 10 am. While all of these reasons are justifiable, they just don't seem to be as significant as they once were. And the right guy problem seems to finally have worked itself out. Roarke is the best dad; he even has 75% custody of Jenna. So, now more than ever, I can't seem to get the baby option out of my head. We have even talked about it already, because he broke up with his ex because she didn't want any more kids and he did; and I, wanted to make sure he knew that I definitely want my own kid one day. So now lies the question?? Is it too early to stop taking birth control? I mean, we haven't even been dating for two months yet for god's sakes. So to help me make a more informed decision, here is my pros and cons list for starting the process of getting preggo:

1. Roarke is an excellent dad and even if we did break up that would never change
2. I've waited a long time and I'm not getting any younger
3. It can take a long time to get pregnant so maybe I should get started
4. I've always made excuses for why I didn't want a baby with a guy but truthfully, I can honestly say none of those apply to Roarke. I would love to have a kid with him
5. He is settled down and wants me to become more serious as well. A baby would definitely help me do that
6. I feel like there is a void in my life and I know that it's because I've been waiting to be a mother. I'm ready to start my life, grow up, and make my life mean something finally


1. I'm not living with Roarke yet and don't plan to until next year at the earliest and I don't want to have a baby until we are living together
2. Before I move out there, I need to find a job in his town and fix my car so I'm able to drive back and forth to see my family
3. Our relationship is still so new which means spending time together is incredibly important. Once a baby comes into the picture that all changes.
4. I'm just starting my relationship with Jenna too, and I want to make sure we solidify that before we add a baby into the picture who will take up a lot of my time
5. I absolutely 100% know I'm going to be a monster bitch when I'm preggo and I'm definitely not looking forward to it; and kind of want to wait until Roarke and I are completely solid so he doesn't run the other way :) (Just kidding about this one, I know he wouldn't)

So I don't know how to decide which direction to go but I'm sure the only thing to do is follow my gut. All will be revealed in time. I mean, I waited forever for Roarke to come along; I just knew in my heart that if I stopped dating jerks that the right guy would eventually come along. And look how that turned out?

Monday, July 30, 2012

I am in love!

Well, after 3 long years of being single I am finally in a committed relationship and have fallen in love again. I never thought this would happen, especially after all of the BS that I've gone through with men; but, alas, here I am. Roarke has been one of my brothers friends since 9th grade in high school so I've basically known him forever. I always had a crush on him, but it was from the eyes of a teenager who secretly pines for her brothers hot friend but realizes it will never happen. Now we are both older, and those same rules that applied in high school don't anymore, and here I am. It's been kind of weird of course; changing the way I've looked at someone I've known forever, but overall, I'm glad that I have. Over the last couple of weeks, we've done everything from go out to a fancy dinner and go bar hopping afterwards, to having a backyard BBQ for my birthday and being outted to all of our friends. The best part is he has a 5 year old daughter who is so amazing and I am beyond ecstatic to be able to have her in my life. She is the cutest little girl and we have bonded beyond anything I could have even imagined. The only downside to my happiness is the fact that Roarke lives about 40 minutes away. He has his own house, so if this relationship continues, and I pray that it does, I will eventually be moving to the town he lives in. It's smaller than Madison and I'll be away from friends and family, but I guess I have to look at the glass half full instead of half empty. Maybe moving to a smaller town will help me settle down more, and stop spending late nights at the bars with my girls. I'm 28 now and I want to have a baby something fierce but that's not going to happen if I continue on with my life that way it is. Plus, there's a smaller school system so I might be able to get a good job in a community that actually values their teachers. I guess I will just have to wait and see what the future brings and just stay optimistic for now. I will keep you posted on our progress.

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Im back

I stopped writing this blog because I was planning on teaching and I had heard that having a blog on the internet was frowned upon. And I didn't have very much to say. So I stopped writing. Well, things have changed so I've decided to start writing again. I'm one credit away from graduating with my Bachelors degree in Early Childhood Education and I have no more money left for school. They won't let me take any more classes or receive my degree until I pay the 6 thousand I owe. So teaching is being put on hold temporarily unless I can find a job where they accept just an associates. We will see. In the meantime, at least I'm back writing. Things are quite different than they were last fall. I am living with my grandma now, helping her out, and taking care of her when I can. Mostly, she insists on taking care of me but hey, that's what grandma's are for, right? I've been spending more and more time away from my regular crew and have started hanging out with my brothers ex-girlfriend a lot. She's a blast and can actually drink as much as me! She's Irish! I think she and I were made to be friends. The best news of all though is that I've started dating someone new. And he is unbelievable an actual good guy! I still can't believe my luck but I knew that if I just held out and stopped messing around with douche bags that I would eventually find the right one. He wants the same things in life that I do so hopefully we can make this work. I'll post more about this later, I just wanted to send out a quick post letting you know that I plan to continue writing my blog! It feels good to be back!