Monday, November 29, 2010

Panic attack

It has been such a crazy day. I woke up to find out I had my period and made me wonder how the rest of the day was going to go. Even though work is almost done, as they are laying us off at the end of the year, I am finding it harder and harder to go in everyday and put on a happy face and be content with how my life is now. Frankly, I am miserable. The turnover rate at my job is usually 6 months. I have been there for 3 years. And in customer service working in a call center for a total of 6 years. I'm tired. Im burntout. I spend all my days sitting in a cubicle at a job I hate because I feel I need the money to get by. I can't do it anymore. I really can't.

I always here people talking about changing their lives whenever they come to a cross roads well, here is mine. I am at a crossroads and I need to completely change my life around. And not just with the job situation. I've started getting lazy again because I'm so miserable which has started making gain weight again. Every weekend I do the same thing with the same friends and frankly, I am tired of it.

I want to take guitar lessons. And I want to learn how to fly a plane. Or sew. So I can fix my own clothes instead of having a friend show me how after waiting weeks and weeks to get together. I want to take a vacation and not have to worry about rent, and cable, and gas and lights. I want to be in a relationship again. I know I always talk about how I like being single, and I do, but I feel like it's time to be in a relationship again. I'm lonely. I'm 26 and I feel like im loosing my youth by spending my nights alone and it makes me so sad. I've realized I want a baby. Up until this point I've always wanted my career to be my #1 goal but I'm starting o realize that I've grown and could almost be ready to start a family.

All of this has been plowing down on me tonight and making me have a panic attack. Im sad. Im miserable. Or maybe I just have PMS> but either way, I've realized that I've become unhappy and unsatisfied with my life and I need a change. Stay tuned. Hopefully I will get the balls to change some of this shit instead of just acknowledging the problem and bitching about it.
Off to take my Valium so I can calm down. Night.xoxo

1 comment:

  1. Hope everything works out for you! you are still young enough to make big life changes, maybe just a vacation, change of scenery will do you some good!