Monday, August 16, 2010

Whiskey and Cigarettes

(For any smokers out there that may happen to read this next post: yes I am talking about you too)

My job has the highest attrition rate out of any place that I have ever worked for. I have worked here for almost 3 years and have become friends with numerous people. Most of them have left though. I am the last one. I'm cool like that.

A couple of weeks ago we had a new training class come in. This is always a mixed blessing. On one hand it's good because it brings our call volume down and frees up my day so I have more time to read, blog, or skim the Internet. All important things that they should be paying me to do.

On the other hand, it is a negative because I always have to deal with new people. People that are loud, or annoying, or have no idea what they are doing and ask me questions in between their calls even if I'm busy on a call. I've met some pretty cool people here but the ratio between cool and lame in this place is like 1:100.

One of the new recruits is almost too much to bear. She's nice and everything but she's SO F*ING LOUD! I am not sure if she's deaf or what but when she talks you can hear her on the other side of the room. Sometimes I can't hear what the customer I'm talking to is saying because she's screaming on her phone. She has been asked by myself, others around her, and supervisors if she would keep it down but her voice escalates when she talks. Kendall, who sits in front of me, gets a headache daily because he sits right next to her.

Most of the time it's not even how loud she is. If she had a little girly voice it probably wouldn't be so annoying but she's got one of those smoker voices. She sounds like she should have a glass of whiskey and a cigarette in her hand. When she laughs I get pictures of the Wicked Witch of the West in my head. "HAHAHAHAHAHAH (cough cough)" Sometimes people call her 'sir' on the phone because her voice is so deap now you can't tell if she's a man of not.

That's hot. I want to sound like that when I'm forty.

Enough with the baggage

Men are very silly creatures. People always talk about how emotional and clingy women are but I have to disagree with that. When a guy is too interested in me, I get turned off. I don't know if it's the thrill of the chase or what but I have always been like this. I'm not interested or ready to be in a relationship right now. Any guy that I see knows this. I make it a point of saying this just so there's no hard feelings. I date like a man. Or how a man is "supposed" to date.

Mike is one of my best friends. We get along well and hang out all the time. The only problem is.... he's in love with me. A couple of months ago I got really drunk and let him hit it. (Not the nicest thing for me to do but I was really horny). Things got weird as hell between us for awhile but eventually went back to normal when he realized that it was just a one time thing.

Except it's happened again. And now he wants to DATE me! Why can't we just have a little nooky between friends without it having to mean anything? I thought guys liked to get in and get out and not have to worry about emotional baggage? Now he's asking me to come over and spend (alone) time with him. Silly Rabbit!!!

I've tried telling him I am not interested in being his girlfriend but I don't think he's hearing me. Ah, the messes I get myself in.

Ain't no chef

I am not the best cook in the world. Over the years I have taught myself the basics and have gotten better. I still use my George Foreman grill for just about everything, but hey, that counts as cooking too.

I used to be a horrible cook though. I was raised by my grandmother and every time she'd try to teach me to cook, she'd end up doing it herself and I'd never learn. Plus, she was such a good cook I didn't feel there was any reason for me to have to learn. That all changed when I turned 19 and moved out of the house. The first time I tried to make lasagna I had to call my brother and ask him how to brown meat. (I had no idea how to do this) Once, I even forgot to take the frozen pizza off of the cardboard before I put it in the oven. I still haven't lived that down.

As I said, I've gotten better though. I learn from my mistakes. The other night I got home from work and realized I didn't have any food in the house. The most promising thing was a whole frozen chicken I had gotten from the pantry a couple months ago. I have never cooked a whole chicken before so I went online to see about some recipes. It didn't say anything about the chicken being frozen so I put it in the sink to defrost for about 20 mins, and then popped it in the oven for about an hour. The skin started to look nice and crispy so I took it out and tried cutting some off the top. Once I flipped it over though I realized that the inside was completely frozen. I also realized that there was plastic sticking out of the inside of the chicken.

I have always been afraid that I'm going to poison myself one day with my cooking so I decided not to eat the chicken. Better safe than sorry. I asked my family what I had done wrong when we got together for dinner this weekend and they could not stop laughing. I guess you're supposed to defrost it over night and pull the gizzards out of the middle. How was I supposed to know this? Good thing I didn't eat it.

Oh well. Just put it down to another funny ass thing I've done in the kitchen. And now that I know what I did wrong, I'm going to try again and hopefully have better results.