Today Kendall (my funny ass co-worker) and I were talking about that age old break-up line: It's not you it's me. It brought me back to all the times I've been broken up with and they are pretty funny.
Jason: Jason was the first real long-term relationship I ever had. He was a skater who had an addiction to white powder. After I got him off that, we ended up spending a lot of time together. After his parents moved to Arkansas, I even went on family trips with them to Florida and to visit them in Little Rock. I thought everything was fine with us until one day he just stopped calling. I guess girls say this all the time but he really did. I went by his house one night (not stalkerish) and saw him getting out of a car with his "best friend" Jenny. Who just happened to be dating Jason's friend. Now they are dating each other and I heard they recently got married. Good thing I didn't get in the way of true love or anything.
Perry: I met Perry when I came to a party at his house one night. Not sure how we ended up there but it was a really fun party. Seven am rolled around and me and my girls were the only ones left. I ended up sleeping on the couch (actually sleeping)with him and we dated ever since. He was about 8 years older than me though and had a lot of baggage. I just turned 19 and was only looking to have fun. He ended up going to jail for child support. When he got out I tried to be with him but I ended up hooking up with a friend.
Andy: Andy was crazy. That's all there is to it. I started out being friends with him after a friend of mine asked me to meet up with him to get rid of something. I did it, and we became friends. Once Perry got out of jail and it looked like he was going to be a lot to deal with (and I found out he smoked crack. Nice huh?), I started seeing Andy. We moved in with each other right away and pretty much started living like a married couple. (Bad idea) He started opening up this adult store and going to strip clubs and doing too much blow. I came home one day to find the door had been taped shut with duct tape and my cats were running around outside. I think he thought they were trying to get at his blow.
Ryan:I met Ryan through Robbie because he worked with her boyfriend. I've talked about him a lot on here but here's a recap. He is younger than I am and I was only planning on having a booty call. (Don't ever have a relationship with your booty call) We ended up living together too and things were not good. He cheated on me over and over. I lost all self-esteem and he eventually left me. He just had a baby with the girl that he left me for and she's gained over 60 pounds from what I can tell.
So what is the moral of my story? The next guy I meet, I'm going to make sure that I walk away first. Because let's face it. It's better you telling them to take a hike than the other way around. Never move in with a booty call, or anyone until you're married. Oh, and one other thing. Karma is a bitch! If you're going to cheat, then you're running the risk of being saddled with a nasty heifer for the rest of your life.
That's my kind of karma!!!!