Sunday, May 23, 2010

Good-bye alcohol

Last night I ended up in the emergency room again with pancreatitis. I'm not sure what triggered it. It could have been the beer I drank the night before, or the brat I had, or the painkiller I took. But whatever it was, my stomach was not happy and I ended up screaming in pain at my friend's bbq and was rushed to the ER. Again. The doctor says that I need to cut alcohol out of my life completely, and I need to maintain a healthy diet, free of greasy and fatty foods, red meat, and sodium.

What a great afternoon.

So I am now entering the boring stage of my life and I wanted to say a goodbye to the drink that I love so much. I will miss you.

Thank you for all the times you made me pee on myself in public. That was fun.

Thank you for all of the times you made me wake up next to someone I couldn't remember. That was also fun.

Thank you for all the stupid, dumb, idiotic things that you made me say that made my IQ drop every time.

Thank you for giving me the liquid courage to stand on top of that bar and dance like the girls from Coyote ugly. That was retarded.

Thank you for making my last relationship tolerable.

Thank you for adding on 20 pounds to my otherwise small body.

Thank you for making me a huge klutz. I really enjoyed breaking my foot; diving into that pool wasted and breaking my nose; falling down stairs, on pavement, into tables, chairs, and other objects.

Thank you for burning a whole in my stomach and making it so I can never drink orange juice again.

And lastly, thank you for the millions of hangovers I've had and all the times I puked in a car, bathroom, floor, yard, sink, bed, or bowl.

I am really going to miss you.


  1. Well, it would seem you know all of the reasons why you should give up the bottle, and understand your problem, and all of the problems your drinking has caused you.

    You, more than anyone else, know it won't be easy. But if you love yourself, you will do everything you can to live without it.

    I hope you beat it, I really do.

  2. And good riddance! Two beers is my limit and I no longer go anywhere near liquor. It made my twenties a whirlwind of idiocy and I'm kinda glad I cannot remember them at all.

  3. I've tried to stick to a couple of beers but I need to stop even that. I'm too young to have these problems so i'm really going to try. *fingers crossed*