Tuesday, May 25, 2010

One day at a time

Day 3 of sobriety

So i've used this blog for a lot of things. It's really helped me get over the Ex and get some things off my chest that are normally not polite to say in public. Not that I usually care but i'm trying. Now that i've got this sobriety issue to deal with, i've realized there is no better place to help me deal with this. I don't think I can do AA. I'm not an alcoholic. I just like to drink. I don't need it but I like the taste of a beer on a hot summer day. Or a cocktail when I go out with my girlfriends. (Ooh, let me stop because i'm getting kind of thirsty.) But I don't NEED alcohol.

Stopping though may be kind of hard though, especially because it's been such a part of my life for so long. But I will take one mantra from AA and say that it's just going to have to be one day at a time.

I was pretty proud of myself last night. My friends stopped by my house so Kammie could change clothes, and they were heading out for the night. I was invited along but I knew if I went I would want a beer so I sat my ass on the couch. I made dinner and did some Pilate's. I read some and then passed out. Yay me. Not every day is going to be like this but I figure I just need to focus my attention on other things. What better thing to focus on than getting my ass back in shape? Four months of being sick really made me soft again. And let's not forget the reason I was sick in the first place was pancreatitis so it all comes down to alcohol.

Take one road and you're fat, and sick and drunk. Take another and you're healthy and fit and sober. I think i'll take option number two. Wouldn't you?

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Good-bye alcohol

Last night I ended up in the emergency room again with pancreatitis. I'm not sure what triggered it. It could have been the beer I drank the night before, or the brat I had, or the painkiller I took. But whatever it was, my stomach was not happy and I ended up screaming in pain at my friend's bbq and was rushed to the ER. Again. The doctor says that I need to cut alcohol out of my life completely, and I need to maintain a healthy diet, free of greasy and fatty foods, red meat, and sodium.

What a great afternoon.

So I am now entering the boring stage of my life and I wanted to say a goodbye to the drink that I love so much. I will miss you.

Thank you for all the times you made me pee on myself in public. That was fun.

Thank you for all of the times you made me wake up next to someone I couldn't remember. That was also fun.

Thank you for all the stupid, dumb, idiotic things that you made me say that made my IQ drop every time.

Thank you for giving me the liquid courage to stand on top of that bar and dance like the girls from Coyote ugly. That was retarded.

Thank you for making my last relationship tolerable.

Thank you for adding on 20 pounds to my otherwise small body.

Thank you for making me a huge klutz. I really enjoyed breaking my foot; diving into that pool wasted and breaking my nose; falling down stairs, on pavement, into tables, chairs, and other objects.

Thank you for burning a whole in my stomach and making it so I can never drink orange juice again.

And lastly, thank you for the millions of hangovers I've had and all the times I puked in a car, bathroom, floor, yard, sink, bed, or bowl.

I am really going to miss you.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Drunken phone call

Last week our office announced that we would be closing our doors soon. This means that I finally have to stop being lazy and look for another job. The reason I am going to school is to be a teacher but I have to have a Bachelors degree in order to get a good job. So two more years of working in the corporate world and then I'm free to do what I really want to do.

In the meantime though it's corporate city for me. I sent out a bunch of applications and have gotten some responses. None of them have been very interesting except for one from this guy who decided to call me last Friday while I was drunk. This job would have a better annual salary than I have now, and I wouldn't have to deal with the phones all day. Sounds perfect for me right now. Except for the fact that I answered the phone while I was having an afternoon beer (or ten) and I can't remember the whole conversation. Here's hoping I didn't slur my words or anything because I can really use this opportunity. I didn't even remember this conversation until Monday morning. That is not good. He sounded really excited though so maybe he didn't notice. Or maybe I just thought he sounded excited because everyone seems happy to me when I'm sloshed. Like beer goggles, I see everyone through happy goggles and think everyone is up for the party.

Sunday, May 16, 2010


I have locked myself in my house and have decided to say fuck it. The weekend started out fun, although I did get a little crazy again. I ended up partying from Thursday through Saturday and am now recovering. You know what they say about the best laid plans. I was really planning on doing something productive this weekend but ended up on a drunken binge again. My stomach is not loving me and I spent most of Friday huddled over my brothers toilet. Which still didn't stop me from going out Friday night. Not sure what I did though because I can't remember shit. So not really a long post except to say that I'm hungover, pms'ing, and trying to separate myself from the general population for their own good.

I did hit on a 17 year old even though I knew he was 17. My alcoholism knows no limits. I think it's time for AA again..... NAH!! Where's the fun it that right??

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Graduation day

Hello my peoples. Sorry I haven't posted in a grip but it was a very busy weekend. I GRADUATED FROM COLLEGE!! That's right biatch. I am now a college graduate. I know this isn't a big deal to millions of other people that have also graduated from college but it's a big deal to me. First one in my family too! Boo-ya!!

My brother threw a party for me Saturday night and I'm told it was a really good time. I can't remember half of it though so I'll have to take every one's word for it. It must have been that one Petron shot they made me take that made me black out. I don't do well with hard liquor anymore. Ever since I had my gall bladder taken out, it's like the liquor hits my stomach that much harder and it's barf central. Good times.

So I ended up having a little bit too good of time with a friend of mine and had to take a morning after pill the next day. Good thing my friends are little promiscuous bees and keep stuff like that lying around. Don't know where I'd be without them.

I did find out I wasn't the only one having too good of time that night. One of the guys someone brought ended up peeing on my brothers floor and passing out on the stairs. Are you serious?! You know that was a good party when people are too drunk to find the bathroom. It's not really that funny though. It would have been funnier if I would have done it, but now its just disrespectful. Men!

But overall, I would have to say I am seriously happy with the results. But I'm going to hold off on another party like that for awhile. I had a hell of a hangover the next day!

Friday, May 7, 2010

The G life

I live in a semi-ghetto. My apartment is nice but there are these ghetto ass apartments behind my house and every day you can hear someone outside cussing, fighting, or playing with their Pitt bull. There's this one group of old dudes who find it productive to sit outside at a fold out table, from morning until night, playing cards and dominoes. My bedroom faces these apartments so the first thing I hard every morning is these guys arguing and sipping on their Colt 45.

Don't these people work? I need to go outside and find out their secret. I want to sit around all day drinking beer, playing cards, and still have a place to live. Maybe they can teach me their secret. Working is definitely overrated and these ol' boys seem to have the secret to the good life.

There is a rumor going around work that they are going to lay everyone off and close our offices down. If this happens then, I've got it made baby. One step down on my plan to becoming a G. Next step, secure unemployment so I can finance my laziness and then the rest is history.

I see sun and malt liquor in the future. Is there anything better than that?

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Not so itty bitty spider

It's Thursday afternoon and I have about 2 hours left of work. The day is going by just like any other crappy day. I'm on the phone with a customer when all of a sudden something shoots by me on my desk. I can't even believe how fast I moved out of my chair. It scared the shit out of me it moved so frickin fast. And of course its a gross ass black spider. One of those ones that jumps. I hate those. In all of the whole building, its just my luck that some nasty spider I'm allergic to has to run on my desk.

So of course every one's looking at me like the stupid freak who's scared of spiders. They can all get bent for all I care. I went to a friend's house once and he had recently moved in with this guy I had had a crush on for years. One thing led to another and I ended up sleeping over. He lived over his dad's bar and had a door to the back deck in his room. He had left the door open while we were getting it on because it was hot in there. I went home and got some extra sleep and woke up unable to breathe. My face, hands, and arms were swollen and I had hives everywhere. I went to the doctor and he told me that I was bitten by a spider and am allergic. Great! I've always been freaked out about the creepy crawlies, but my level of anxiety has reached recently new heights. I don't even know why. I'm almost positive it could have absolutely nothing to do with my years of experimenting with hallucinogenics. That's just crazy. All they do is alter your mind and make you see things that aren't there. How could that possibly make me scared of bugs??

So my doctor has put me on Valium because I get so anxious I start having panic attacks. Over bugs. I don't know why they exist. Could someone please shed some light on the necessity of pincer bugs in this world? What are their purpose except to freak out and piss people off??? I don't think they have one. Or at least there shouldn't be one.

All I know is I'm asking for a bug zapper for my birthday and I don't care how weird it's gonna look. I'm going to sit on my porch and enjoy the sound of the little assholes frying.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010


Have you ever had one of those days where you feel really bitchy and you don't know why? Well that's me today. I don't even know why, I'm just in a really bad mood and everything annoys me.

The stupid guy on the phone who thinks his jokes are funny annoys me.

My cat trying to snuggle with me this morning and getting hair in my face annoyed me.

The fact that I had to run to the bank to get money to buy text books before work annoyed me.

The fact I had to work at all annoys the hell out of me.

For some reason my feet seem to be getting smaller and my favorite shoes now seem to be too big and that really annoys me because it doesn't make one bit of sense.

The fact that we have so many calls at work and they have not hired more people, making us work that much harder really annoys me.

I'm broke and that's super annoying...

Get the picture? Just having one of those days where everything and everyone is annoying as hell and I just want to go home and curl up with the new Charlaine Harris book but I can't because I wasted all my sick time...