Friday, December 31, 2010

A little Break

I just wanted to leave an update saying that I have not forgotten about my blog I've just had a lot of things going on this week. My job finally ended on Thursday and I am now unemployed. I am so happy to be out of that place it's not even funny. Now I can use my severance and unemployment to pay bills while doing something I really love but doesn't pay that much; teaching. I start working for an after school program next week. It's only part time so I need the unemployment but at least I will be working with kids and It'll look good on my resume. So with Christmas and New Years and the job ending I haven't had time to post but I will resume the blog challenge as soon as new years is over.

Catch ya on the flip side.

Lush

Thursday, December 23, 2010

How I started the Blog

Day 12- How you found out about blogger and why you made one

A couple of years ago I had broken up with The Ex and was feeling pretty shitty. He basically walked all over me, cheated on me, and left me high and dry in our apartment with all of the bills. I was sad, pissed, and miserable and I didn't know what to do about it. Someone mentioned that it might be cathartic to start a blog to get some stuff off of my chest. I immediately Googled blogs, since I Google everything, and found Blogger. A couple of months ago I read through all my blogs and it's really sad how much I talked about him but it really did help me get over him. Once I started feeling better the blog turned into more of a forum to talk about how crazy my life was, my funny ass friends, and other stuff that I had on my mind. My friends started reading it and gave me lots of encouragement saying it was pretty damn funny so I kept it up.

I took a hiatus from the blog last year when the Ex and I briefly got back together. He was uncomfortable with me talking about him over the Internet, even though I never used his real name, so I stopped. But then I realized that I was tired of him always monopolizing what I did, and he wasn't good enough for me, so I dropped his ass for good and started the blog again. I really enjoy it even though I don't always know what to talk about, I don't have a huge following, and I'm sure only a few people read it. But I'll keep it up as long as I have something to talk about.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

More pictures

Day 11- Here are some more pictures of me and my friends


















Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Songs I listen to when I am happy, sad, etc...

Day 10- Songs you listen to when you are happy, sad, bored, hyped, or mad

Day 10 is a list of music that I listen to when I am in a certain mood. I usually listen to rap or hip/hop but I like other music too. The only music I don't really like is country. I like Carrie Underwood and there are a couple of songs by Taylor Swift I like, but otherwise I am not a big fan of country.

Here is a list of moods and examples of songs I listen to:

Happy: Up all night by Drake. I love this song and it's my ring tone on my phone right now.

Sad: Take a bow by Rihanna. Whenever I'm sad I like to listen to girly songs. I love oldies too like At last by Etta James.

Bored: Memories by Kid Cudi and David Guetta. When I'm bored I like to listen to music and clean my house. This is a really fun song to clean to. I really love anything that I can sing to and has a good beat.

Hyped: Come Around by M.I.A. I love the beat to this song. It's such a fun song to play in the car with the music blaring.

Mad: Signs by Nonpoint. I like to listen to rock music when I'm pissed off. It kind of lets off steam.

Something I'm proud of

Day 9- Something you're proud of in the last few days

Well technically day 9 was yesterday but I was sick so I forgot all about it. So I'll do two posts today.

At my job we get paid every other Thursday, but on the Tuesday of the same week we have the capability of checking how much our paycheck will be. I got in today and was pleasantly surprised that my check is $300 more than it's supposed to be. It says that it's for overtime. I never worked overtime. I NEVER work overtime. I can't stand being here when I have to be, let alone come in for overtime. Usually I am a pretty honest person. I don't steal from friends, even though they have things that I want. Like Robbie's new black Coach purse with the purple lining. If I was a worse human being I would have snatched that up in a second. I do take the occasional glass from a bar, or a knife from The Texas Roadhouse, because they have really awesome steak knifes, but all in all I would say I'm a good person. So saying that, it would probably be responsible of me to inform my job that they overpaid me.

But I'm not. I mean, who's to say that it wasn't a mistake? Maybe it's a Christmas bonus. Maybe they think I smell good everyday and wanted to give me some financial props for my overall goodness. I mean who cares? I'm keeping it. Instead of spending it on myself though I'm going to use it on Christmas presents. I was just going to buy everyone socks but now I can actually get everyone something nice. See, I'm a good person. I take from the rich and give to the poor. Yay me!

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Short term goals for this month

Day 8- Short term goals for this month

The horrible job that I have been working at for the last three years was bought out by another company and is closing it's doors Dec 31st. Normally I'd get upset about the fact they are stealing jobs from Americans and outsourcing to the Philippines or some such place but I can't find any reason to care. I hate my job so bad and I am so burned out from working in customer service I am ecstatic that it is ending and I can finally take a break.

I was supposed to start my new teaching position Jan 3rd but I told them I couldn't start so soon. I need a vacation. I feel bad that they need my help but I feel like if I rush into the job too soon, and don't take a break in between, that I'll just be over exerting myself and I don't want that. I have been going to school to be a teacher for the last couple of years. It's what I've been working so hard for. I want to start off with a good outlook and excited about doing a good job. That's not going to happen if I start so soon after leaving this place.

So my short term goals are to have an excellent Christmas, a chill new years, and take a month off to spend time with friends, get a pedicure finally, and go to the gym as much as humanly possible. Mostly I just need to spend some time doing me. I think it is an excellent plan.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

A pic of someone that has had a big impact on me

Day 7- A pic of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you



Here is a picture of my niece Rozlyn. She is almost three and the light of my life. Before she was born I never thought I wanted to have kids. I partied all the time and thought my life was always going to be an endless vodka-fest. My brother and his fiance were the same way but now that they've had a kid they are most settled and know what they want for the future. It's left a deep impression on me and made me see that I can have my cake and eat it too. I just have to find the right guy. Roz is the most beautiful, smart little girl I've ever met and I hope to have a daughter like her one day. One can only hope. :)

Friday, December 17, 2010

What super hero would I be

Day 6 - What super hero would I be

When I was a little girl I always wanted to be Storm from the x-men. I thought it was so cool how she could knock over anyone with wind, or zap a bad guy with lightening all while looking gorgeous. If I was storm I would use the lightening thing to zap mother fuckers that pissed me off. "You cheated on me fucker?" ZAP "You spent all our rent money at the bar?" ZAP "You think women belong in the kitchen while you run the streets?" ZAP That would be a really good way to keep a guy in line.




Now that I'm older I would like to be Anita Blake from the Laurell K. Hamilton vampire hunter novels. Anita is small, tough, and doesn't take any shit from anyone. All good traits in a person. And she has a harem of men who are all in love with her and would do anything for her. Oh, if only this was real life. Sure, she has to kill a lot of people and gets into a lot of dangerous situations but that makes the sex more interesting. I have to say.... I think she's got it pretty good. What I wouldn't give for an hour with Jean-Claude's sexy ass. Imagine having sex with a 400 year old vampire. A man can get pretty good at something in 400 years. Yum Yum.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

A place I've been to

Day 5 - A place I've been to

One of my favorite places in the whole world is Vegas. I have family that lives out there and I've been there twice. When I was 7 my grandmother decided one night she'd had enough of Madison, packed up our Chevy, and drove my two brothers, my cousin, and I out to Vegas. That was one of the funnest trips I've ever been on. We drove through the Colorado Rockies and got freaked out at how crazy and steep those roads are. My grandma had a panic attack in Texas and we ended up at a hospital ER in the middle of the night where we encountered some cowboys that smelled like the foulest manure. I still remember that. For some reason every time I think about that trip I remember the smell of cow shit and chlorine. Probably because we spent all summer in my aunt's pool. I went out there again when I was 20 and my dad was living out there. None of the adults in my family really drink so when they took me to all the shows they gave me all their free drinks. I ended up smashed at Cesar's Palace the night before I left and puked on the plane on my way home. Good times.




When I was 13 my uncle paid for my trip to Budapest, Hungary where he lives. I had never been on a plane at that time and flew by myself from Chicago to London, then on to Budapest. I stayed for three weeks and it was a blast. I did a lot of things for the first time on that trip. I rode on my first plane, I rode on a subway, and took a taxi for the first time. We visited Budapest castle, parliament, saw a fashion show at the mall, and spent a weekend in Vienna, Austria. When we were in Vienna, my uncle took me to visit St. Peters church. They allow you to go to the very top of the church and view the city through telescopes. I got a little more than I bargained for though. On a near by building there was a naked old couple doing it on their balcony. It was my first time seeing people have sex. It did not make a good first impression on me. Oh the horror of all those wrinkles!

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

A habit I wish I didn't have

Day 4 - A habit I wish I didn't have

This is a tricky one because everything I do is perfect so I really can't think of anything. OK let me stop. Actually there are quite a few things I do that I wish I wouldn't. The main one is that I fidget. I have ADD so it's really hard for me to sit still. Even when I am sitting still, I am always moving at least some part of my body. I squish my toes back and forth, over and over, or tap my fingers on the table, or bite the cap of my pen. I absolutely can NOT sit still. I've had guys tell me that I continuously move my feet while I'm sleeping too. It got so bad at one point that I finally went to the doctor and was prescribed Adderrall and diagnosed with ADD. I didn't even know that I had it. I used to get so restless and I would self-medicate with alcohol to try and calm my ass down because alcohol is a downer. I still like to drink obviously but when I take my medicine it's like the difference between night and day. I feel so much more focused and settled. I still fidget quite a lot and if there was a habit I wish I could change, that would be it.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

A picture of your friends

Day 3 of the challenge is a picture of my friends. I don't have one picture with most of my friends in it so I'm going to share a couple of pictures and give a little story behind them.





(From left to right: Khan, Sheety, ME, Woody, Acker, Khath, and Mccanty)

This is a picture of us on my 25th birthday. As you can tell I am drunker as hell. Actually we all are. We rented a hotel room in Wisconsin Dells for the night and went out partying at Marley's, which is a really cool bar. I ended up getting laid in the stairway of the hotel and passing out in the bathroom. Good times. I love it when I do stuff like that.




This is a picture from the same night. All the girls are the same except for Robbie who is on the far left. After this picture was taken we started getting our drink on in the room. I'm really surprised management never shut us down because we had three rooms near each other and we got pretty damn loud. Over all it was one of my best birthdays.

Here are a couple more pictures of me and my girls:



Me and Lupe out drinking





Me and Woody out drinking





Me and Kammie out Drinking

Notice how all of these pictures involve me and other people drunk? I sense a theme here.

Monday, December 13, 2010

The meaning behind my blogger name

Day 2 of the challenge- The meaning behind your blogger name

Well technically day 2 should have been Friday but I had a very busy weekend and didn’t have any time to blog. It was my friend’s 30th birthday and some friends from Chicago came up so I ended up partying all weekend. Not good. But I’m restarting the challenge today which is probably not how it’s supposed to go but oh well.

This should be a pretty short blog because my blogger name is pretty simple to figure out. I am from Madison, WI and I am a lush. When I was thinking about what to call my blog a couple of different ideas popped into my head but none of them sounded as good to me as Madison Lush. So there you have it. Short, simple, and sweet. See you tomorrow.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

The 30 day Challenge

I have been having a hard time blogging lately. I've kind of run out of ideas on what to blog about. It sounds like a bunch of people are taking this 30 day challenge and I've decided it sounds like fun. Here is the challenge:

Day 1- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself
Day 2- The meaning behind your blogger name
Day 3- A picture of you and your friends
Day 4- A habit that you wish you didn’t have
Day 5- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to
Day 6- Favorite super hero and why
Day 7- A pic of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you
Day 8- Short term goals for this month and why
Day 9- Something you’re proud of in the past few days
Day 10- Songs you listen to when you are happy, sad, bored, hyped, mad
Day 11- Another picture of you and your friends
Day 12- How you found out about blogger and why you made one
Day 13- A letter to someone who has hurt you recently
Day 14- A picture of you and your family
Day 15- Put your ipod on shuffle: first 10 songs that play
Day 16- Another picture of yourself. (Baby pic)
Day 17- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why
Day 18- Plans, dreams, goals you have
Day 19- Nicknames you have; why do you have them
Day 20- Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future
Day 21- A picture of something that makes you happy
Day 22- What makes you different from everyone else
Day 23- Something you crave for a lot
Day 24- A letter to your parents
Day 25- What I would find in your bag
Day 26- What you think about your friends
Day 27- Why are you doing this 30 day challenge
Day 28- A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then?
Day 29- In this past month what have you learned?
Day 30- Who are you?


So today is Thursday, December 9, 2010 and I will start the challenge today.
Here is a recent photo of me:




15 interesting facts about me:
1. I am super afraid of bugs and I'm allergic to spiders.
2. I read really fast. I love to read and read a couple of books a week. I have a dozen or so authors I'm in love with and I re-read their books if I can't find anything else.
3. I hate it when people bite their silverware or scrape their fork and knife together. The sound absolutely drives me out of my mind.
4. I secretly fear that I am going to be alone forever.
5. I want a kid but I'm afraid I won't be a very good mother. I love kids and I'm going to school to be a teacher so I know that I'll probably be a good mother but it still scares me just the same.
6. I love green olives and I eat them straight from the jar.
7. I am addicted to TV. I think I would literally die if I couldn't watch my favorite shows every week.
8. I think my hair is my best feature.
9. I feel more comfortable in sleep clothes than I do in jeans and would wear yoga pants everyday to work if I could.
10. I laugh in my sleep sometimes
11. I am a really fast driver and get really irritated when I'm stuck behind a slow person. My friends are all scared to drive with me but I've never been in a car accident.
12. I think family is really important and would do anything for them.
13. My favorite colors are pink and black.
14. I am allergic to earrings and I don't feel comfortable unless I have a necklace on.
15. I can't watch scary or slasher movies. I am secretly afraid that someday someone will abduct me and kill me like in a scary movie so I can't watch them.

OK so day one down. 29 more to go.....

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

The Next day

Last night was the first time in awhile that I've had a panic attack like that. My grandmother used to get them when we were growing up and they would scare the hell out of me. I knew she had problems, what with raising three grandchildren she didn't have to, but I couldn't fathom how things would get so bad that she would occasionally break down in a panic attack. Well now I know. Sometimes, no matter how strong you are, or how put together you are, sometimes life happens to be a little bit too much more than you can handle. And then you're sitting on your couch, with your cat, freaking out over the demands of your life, and wishing you had some valium to calm your ass down.

Or at least that's what happened to me. In the light of day, I am feeling much better. I'm usually a go with the flow kind of person but sometimes theres too much flow to go with. Patience is supposed to be a virtue and if I can just keep that mantra going in my head maybe I'll be able to survive the next several weeks at my job. And if that doesn't work I'm sure I could take a trip to the gun range this weekend to pop of a few rounds. That'll be sure to make me feel better.

Monday, November 29, 2010

Panic attack

It has been such a crazy day. I woke up to find out I had my period and made me wonder how the rest of the day was going to go. Even though work is almost done, as they are laying us off at the end of the year, I am finding it harder and harder to go in everyday and put on a happy face and be content with how my life is now. Frankly, I am miserable. The turnover rate at my job is usually 6 months. I have been there for 3 years. And in customer service working in a call center for a total of 6 years. I'm tired. Im burntout. I spend all my days sitting in a cubicle at a job I hate because I feel I need the money to get by. I can't do it anymore. I really can't.

I always here people talking about changing their lives whenever they come to a cross roads well, here is mine. I am at a crossroads and I need to completely change my life around. And not just with the job situation. I've started getting lazy again because I'm so miserable which has started making gain weight again. Every weekend I do the same thing with the same friends and frankly, I am tired of it.

I want to take guitar lessons. And I want to learn how to fly a plane. Or sew. So I can fix my own clothes instead of having a friend show me how after waiting weeks and weeks to get together. I want to take a vacation and not have to worry about rent, and cable, and gas and lights. I want to be in a relationship again. I know I always talk about how I like being single, and I do, but I feel like it's time to be in a relationship again. I'm lonely. I'm 26 and I feel like im loosing my youth by spending my nights alone and it makes me so sad. I've realized I want a baby. Up until this point I've always wanted my career to be my #1 goal but I'm starting o realize that I've grown and could almost be ready to start a family.

All of this has been plowing down on me tonight and making me have a panic attack. Im sad. Im miserable. Or maybe I just have PMS> but either way, I've realized that I've become unhappy and unsatisfied with my life and I need a change. Stay tuned. Hopefully I will get the balls to change some of this shit instead of just acknowledging the problem and bitching about it.
Off to take my Valium so I can calm down. Night.xoxo

Friday, November 5, 2010

Puking it out

I got the funniest phone call this morning from Robbie.

Last night she went out to the bar with her friend Megan. The night started out at Pedro's with a giant margarita. Robbie is no drinker so she started feeling pretty wasted after one. She decided to call her boy toy Toby. They have been fighting over the last couple weeks so she wanted to meet up with him. And she thought the strip club would be the perfect place. As their getting it on in her car, she decides to go down on him. Everything's going fine until he starts to cum. And what should happen? SHE THREW UP ON HIS COCK! That'll put a damper on the evening. I couldn't stop laughing when she told me this. What a great way to wake up!

The funniest part is that I could totally see this situation happening to me. I guess she'll think twice now before drinking so much before giving head.

Monday, November 1, 2010

Throwing Down

Thursday night I ended up at a costume party at the Orpheum. We started out the night with a shot of vodka, which was probably the biggest mistake ever, and kept the party going with a continuous flow of vodka cranberries. The bartender at the event was a little cutie named Alex and she kept filling my drinks 3/4 full of liquor. How nice of her.

The next thing I remember is standing in Robbie's bathroom in my underwear arguing with her about god knows what. The way she tells it we got into an argument and I tried to push her down the stairs, punched her in the face, and then stormed out of the house. (after I got dressed of course)

What ACTUALLY happened, (I think), is we got into an argument in her bathroom while I was changing out of my costume. I did CHASE her down the stairs and I DID punch her in the face AFTER she dumped out my purse and all of my belongings on the floor. I keep getting these flashbacks of her snotty little face right before I popped her one. Here's how I remember it:

Robbie: (as she grabs my purse and empties out the contents on the floor) And this is my purse. I paid for it and I'm taking it back

Me: I can't believe you just did that (as i'm standing in my underwear glaring at her with alcohol fueled hatred in my eyes)

Robbie: what the hell are you going to do about.. (flies backwards because my fist just connected with her cheek)

The worst thing about all this isn't the fact that I was in my underwear in front of her boyfriend, or that we got into a physical altercation even though we're best friends, but the really bad thing is neither of us can remember what the whole fight was about in the first place. I went over to her house the next day and made up with her, but I keep having this feeling that I should be mad at her. I mean, why else would I attack her unless she really had it coming?

I guess we'll just have to blame it on the vodka and call it a day because I can't remember anything.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

A guys guide to the Red-Eyed Monster

Every woman has to face a monthly annoyance so ridiculous that it makes most of us turn into red-eyed monsters. Now not every monster is the same. Each monster has a different temperament, but for the most part, those temperaments run to angry, bitchy, emotional, snappy, cranky, and irate. Here are a list of the different type of monsters we become:

Monster 1: This is your typical monster. On a normal day, her personality is usually happy, and she is fun to be around. During her MONSTER DAYS, monster 1 gets a little grumpy in the morning. She may bitch that there's no coffee made when she wakes up, or grumbles if she can't get a cab to work. But basically she is still herself. Just a little more irritated at the small things. As far as I'm concerned she's got it good so she should stop whining.

Guys: Make sure there's a fresh pot of coffee for her in the morning, kids are dressed and fed, and the dog hasn't crapped on the rug. Bypass these little annoyances and Monster 1 will soon be gone. Otherwise you may next be visited by Monster 2.

Monster 2: This monster is the most common. She gets irritated at the most minor things, has no reasoning, and blames everyone for any problems she faces during the day. She has been known to snap at a person for jumping in line at the grocery store, or taking her parking spot. She is quick to bitch anyone out who questions her authority, and is basically not someone you want to be around one week out of each month. She may break down and cry during hallmark commercials and get irate if anyone laughs at her.

Guys: Try to stay out of the way as much as possible. Too much interaction with you and she will find something to blame you for. Clean up the house if need be, but otherwise, be incognito! (SN: you may think you're jokes are funny, and she may too when she's not being ridden by the monster, so if you value your sanity, save the jokes for another day) This is very important. The more upset and irritated she becomes, the better the chance she will turn into Monster #3.

Monster 3: This is the most dangerous monster. She should technically be locked in a cage, and separated from all humanity during her MONSTER DAYS. Any small thing may set her off. Loud noises, soft noises, bad weather, good weather, no traffic, too much traffic. And the most important thing is ... NEVER TELL HER SHE IS WRONG. You might end up losing you favorite appendage. (Don't say I didn't warn you)

Guys: Beware of long nails and biting. She is a fierce monster.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Im back

It has been a couple of months since I posted because I really haven't had anything interesting to write about. The MAN situation is basically non-existent. Yes I'm getting laid periodically but it's nothing to write about. I guess that says something about the sex if it's so not important that you can't even take five minutes to blog about it. *Sigh* Oh well...

Bryan has come back into the picture. Quick recap: Bryan is a really cute guy that I met last year while I was hooking back up with The Ex. He races motorcycles and travels around the world. I couldn't handle his traveling and we eventually just stopped talking. A couple of weeks ago I got a text from him while I was out for Kammie's bday. He wants to get together and "catch up." A red flag immediately went off in my head and I questioned him about his motives.

He "claims" that he's not just trying to sleep with me but we'll see. He's in Florida right now and should be back this week. I never really felt the "spark" with him that I did with The Ex but he does have money and he is good in the sack. So we'll see what happens. To Be Continued....

In other news... it's that time again. Fall. Last year around this time I got H1N1 and basically out of commission for three months. I really hope that doesn't happen again this year but with my immune system you never know. We were told that our office is closing it's doors for good on 12/30 and then I will be out of a job. YEAH BUDDY! I can not wait to get out of this hell hole. Then i'm going to take a couple of months to live on unemployment, travel to Vegas hopefully, and basically rest after three long years working in customer service. I know the $ is good but it really isn't worth it. And now that I have my degree I should be able to find something more in my field.

So there you have it... not much going on. Will try to blog more as more develops. Halloween is coming up and it's louis' bday so should have more to report later.

xoxo

Lush

Monday, August 16, 2010

Whiskey and Cigarettes

(For any smokers out there that may happen to read this next post: yes I am talking about you too)

My job has the highest attrition rate out of any place that I have ever worked for. I have worked here for almost 3 years and have become friends with numerous people. Most of them have left though. I am the last one. I'm cool like that.

A couple of weeks ago we had a new training class come in. This is always a mixed blessing. On one hand it's good because it brings our call volume down and frees up my day so I have more time to read, blog, or skim the Internet. All important things that they should be paying me to do.

On the other hand, it is a negative because I always have to deal with new people. People that are loud, or annoying, or have no idea what they are doing and ask me questions in between their calls even if I'm busy on a call. I've met some pretty cool people here but the ratio between cool and lame in this place is like 1:100.

One of the new recruits is almost too much to bear. She's nice and everything but she's SO F*ING LOUD! I am not sure if she's deaf or what but when she talks you can hear her on the other side of the room. Sometimes I can't hear what the customer I'm talking to is saying because she's screaming on her phone. She has been asked by myself, others around her, and supervisors if she would keep it down but her voice escalates when she talks. Kendall, who sits in front of me, gets a headache daily because he sits right next to her.

Most of the time it's not even how loud she is. If she had a little girly voice it probably wouldn't be so annoying but she's got one of those smoker voices. She sounds like she should have a glass of whiskey and a cigarette in her hand. When she laughs I get pictures of the Wicked Witch of the West in my head. "HAHAHAHAHAHAH (cough cough)" Sometimes people call her 'sir' on the phone because her voice is so deap now you can't tell if she's a man of not.

That's hot. I want to sound like that when I'm forty.

Enough with the baggage

Men are very silly creatures. People always talk about how emotional and clingy women are but I have to disagree with that. When a guy is too interested in me, I get turned off. I don't know if it's the thrill of the chase or what but I have always been like this. I'm not interested or ready to be in a relationship right now. Any guy that I see knows this. I make it a point of saying this just so there's no hard feelings. I date like a man. Or how a man is "supposed" to date.

Mike is one of my best friends. We get along well and hang out all the time. The only problem is.... he's in love with me. A couple of months ago I got really drunk and let him hit it. (Not the nicest thing for me to do but I was really horny). Things got weird as hell between us for awhile but eventually went back to normal when he realized that it was just a one time thing.

Except it's happened again. And now he wants to DATE me! Why can't we just have a little nooky between friends without it having to mean anything? I thought guys liked to get in and get out and not have to worry about emotional baggage? Now he's asking me to come over and spend (alone) time with him. Silly Rabbit!!!

I've tried telling him I am not interested in being his girlfriend but I don't think he's hearing me. Ah, the messes I get myself in.

Ain't no chef



I am not the best cook in the world. Over the years I have taught myself the basics and have gotten better. I still use my George Foreman grill for just about everything, but hey, that counts as cooking too.

I used to be a horrible cook though. I was raised by my grandmother and every time she'd try to teach me to cook, she'd end up doing it herself and I'd never learn. Plus, she was such a good cook I didn't feel there was any reason for me to have to learn. That all changed when I turned 19 and moved out of the house. The first time I tried to make lasagna I had to call my brother and ask him how to brown meat. (I had no idea how to do this) Once, I even forgot to take the frozen pizza off of the cardboard before I put it in the oven. I still haven't lived that down.

As I said, I've gotten better though. I learn from my mistakes. The other night I got home from work and realized I didn't have any food in the house. The most promising thing was a whole frozen chicken I had gotten from the pantry a couple months ago. I have never cooked a whole chicken before so I went online to see about some recipes. It didn't say anything about the chicken being frozen so I put it in the sink to defrost for about 20 mins, and then popped it in the oven for about an hour. The skin started to look nice and crispy so I took it out and tried cutting some off the top. Once I flipped it over though I realized that the inside was completely frozen. I also realized that there was plastic sticking out of the inside of the chicken.

I have always been afraid that I'm going to poison myself one day with my cooking so I decided not to eat the chicken. Better safe than sorry. I asked my family what I had done wrong when we got together for dinner this weekend and they could not stop laughing. I guess you're supposed to defrost it over night and pull the gizzards out of the middle. How was I supposed to know this? Good thing I didn't eat it.

Oh well. Just put it down to another funny ass thing I've done in the kitchen. And now that I know what I did wrong, I'm going to try again and hopefully have better results.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Birthyday Love

Everyone has their favorite holiday. Mine is my birthday. (and yes, it is a holiday, or at least it should be) Every year turns out to be crazier than the last. When I was 19 my friends threw me my first surprise party. I ended the night by passing out on the driveway trying to find my bottle that I had drank about an hour before.

When I was 20 I ended up breaking my foot because I was running to the barrel. In 4 inch high heels. Instead of going to the hospital though, I sat by the barrel until it was done and then made them carry me to the next one. (That's hardcore)
The pain eventually got so bad that I allowed them to take me to the hospital. I still went out the next night, crutches and all. We ended up at this place that turned out to be a naked party. I thought I was hallucinating at first since I was drunk and on a bunch of pain meds. But no. Everyone was running around buck ass naked. I plopped my gimpy self down next to an empty kiddie pool, of which I spend most of the night puking into. One of the guys, who was quite naked, tripped over the pool and landed in my puke. FUNNIEST THING EVER!!

When I was 25 we went to the Dells, got a couple hotel rooms, and partied at Marley's. I had never been to Marley's before but they give you free liquor on your birthday and I basically had to be carried out by the end of the night. Back at the hotel room I ended up sneaking off with a friend of mine, Owen, who I have had a crush on since high school, and getting it on in the stairway.

This year was supposed to be the birthday to end all birthdays but it was both disappointing and a little over the top. We ended up going camping in Michigan at a Rave called Dude Where's my tent? This had recipe for disaster written all over it. Things are bound to go wrong when you throw 10 crazy ass people in a little camper in 100 degree heat. I don't know if it was the heatstroke or the millions of party favors floating around but people started acting kind of strange. Grafton kept coming back to the camper with things he had found all over the campgrounds that made no kind of sense. Once he came back with a trampoline and a rubber duck, not sure where he got this stuff from, so we ended up taping him to a chair. Robbie would not leave the camper and kept cleaning it over and over again and basically missed all of the music. I, on the other hand, was down in front of the DJ tables all night. I think everything went wrong when Grafton talked me into taking a trip into town. We got lost, ran out of gas, and had no money. We were high, drunk, and looked like we had been up all night and were begging people for change. Good times.

We ended up calling the weekend short after I got stuck in the trailer and tried to climb my way out through the ceiling. Not sure why I didn't just use the door but hey, I blame it on the heat. Now I owe $430 in damages to the guy we rented the trailer from. Remind me to never go camping in July ever again.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Its not you its me

Today Kendall (my funny ass co-worker) and I were talking about that age old break-up line: It's not you it's me. It brought me back to all the times I've been broken up with and they are pretty funny.

Jason: Jason was the first real long-term relationship I ever had. He was a skater who had an addiction to white powder. After I got him off that, we ended up spending a lot of time together. After his parents moved to Arkansas, I even went on family trips with them to Florida and to visit them in Little Rock. I thought everything was fine with us until one day he just stopped calling. I guess girls say this all the time but he really did. I went by his house one night (not stalkerish) and saw him getting out of a car with his "best friend" Jenny. Who just happened to be dating Jason's friend. Now they are dating each other and I heard they recently got married. Good thing I didn't get in the way of true love or anything.

Perry:
I met Perry when I came to a party at his house one night. Not sure how we ended up there but it was a really fun party. Seven am rolled around and me and my girls were the only ones left. I ended up sleeping on the couch (actually sleeping)with him and we dated ever since. He was about 8 years older than me though and had a lot of baggage. I just turned 19 and was only looking to have fun. He ended up going to jail for child support. When he got out I tried to be with him but I ended up hooking up with a friend.

Andy: Andy was crazy. That's all there is to it. I started out being friends with him after a friend of mine asked me to meet up with him to get rid of something. I did it, and we became friends. Once Perry got out of jail and it looked like he was going to be a lot to deal with (and I found out he smoked crack. Nice huh?), I started seeing Andy. We moved in with each other right away and pretty much started living like a married couple. (Bad idea) He started opening up this adult store and going to strip clubs and doing too much blow. I came home one day to find the door had been taped shut with duct tape and my cats were running around outside. I think he thought they were trying to get at his blow.

Ryan:I met Ryan through Robbie because he worked with her boyfriend. I've talked about him a lot on here but here's a recap. He is younger than I am and I was only planning on having a booty call. (Don't ever have a relationship with your booty call) We ended up living together too and things were not good. He cheated on me over and over. I lost all self-esteem and he eventually left me. He just had a baby with the girl that he left me for and she's gained over 60 pounds from what I can tell.


So what is the moral of my story? The next guy I meet, I'm going to make sure that I walk away first. Because let's face it. It's better you telling them to take a hike than the other way around. Never move in with a booty call, or anyone until you're married. Oh, and one other thing. Karma is a bitch! If you're going to cheat, then you're running the risk of being saddled with a nasty heifer for the rest of your life.

That's my kind of karma!!!!

Monday, July 12, 2010

Pick me up

Friday night I went out to the bar for the first time in awhile. If you remember I was trying to be sober for a bit and give my liver a break. I guess I could have gone longer but I've been feeling much better and felt I deserved to go out. (This is all just an excuse.) I'm aware of the fact that drinking is bad. I'm just choosing not to follow the doctors orders right now. I'll slow down again but my birthday is next week and I feel like celebrating. For a whole month.

The bar we went to is right down the street from my house and I usually don't go there. It started out kind of lame but eventually got a little bit out of control. Robbie doesn't drink so when she does it's hilarious. We were having an excellent time with our Orange Stoli's and 7up when a couple of really funny stuff happened.

1. This drunk guy tried to hit on me. He wasn't the first or the last of the evening but his pick up line was the best. He asked me if I wanted to be his "sexual friend." I asked him (sarcastically) why a good looking guy like him didn't already have one. His response was he (not surprisingly)had a girlfriend at home. I told him I wasn't interested.

2. As I was sitting at the bar waiting for Robbie to come back in from smoking, (I don't smoke cigarettes and I'm no going to stand outside and get eaten by mosquito's), this old dude that was sitting next to me started talking to me. I'm a pretty nice person so I engaged in a little conversation. Here's what this guy had to offer: He was unemployed, about 20 years older than me, and he kept asking me my name. After the fourth time he asked me I just turned and walked away. What a waste of time. Good thing I gave him the wrong phone number.

3. I ended up going outside to get some fresh air after the old dude, and I ran into this handsome guy who invited me to his (hot) car for a little smoke session. He was very smooth and I was digging his car. But then he tells me he's married but his wife is down with it. He asked me if I wanted to come home and meet her. I'm a single girl and I like to have a little fun once in awhile but this was a new one for me. Instead of just saying no though I told him I would as long as all my friends at the bar could come too. So three car loads of people headed over to dudes house. Needless to say his girl was not hot, and the situation became super weird. Thank god Robbie's boyfriend is a spaz and wanted us to get home,(like we're 5 and have a curfew or something) so we made up an excuse and got the hell out of there.

Unfortunately Dude has my real phone number and has texted me a couple of times. I don't know how to let him down easy so I'm just not going to answer. If I was a meaner person this is exactly what I would say:

"You're hot and everything but your girl is kind of a dog. I think it's weird you pick up girls at the bar and bring them home to your girl like she's Charlotte and she's collecting specimens for her web. I'm good on that Dude. But hey, if you ever want to smoke me up again, go ahead and give me a call. Peace."

Too harsh??

Sunday, July 11, 2010

To camp or not to camp

Ok no more posts about orgies. I realize that I must be off the deep end lately and need to rain the shit in. Doesn't look likely as we're heading to Michigan this weekend for my birthday to some crazy ass outdoor party. Can you imagine a 3-day rave in the woods?

I'm having mixed feelings about this. One: I used to love camping before I started having panic attacks about creepy crawlies. Two: It's going to be hot as blue blazes and I'm not sure how happy we're going to be sleeping in a tent in this weather. Three: I really do want to do something different and fun for my birthday this year. People that go to these kinds of parties are always on some fun shit, of that I can guarantee. I'm hoping the good will outweigh the bad, and I will be having such a great time I won't even think about the bugs.

Or it will suck and I'll be unbelievably miserable. I guess the only way to really know is to go and see what happens. On the up side, if it is horrible I'm sure I can always stay in a local hotel. Hmmm.... really got to think about this one a bit.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

The Bare essentials

Tuesday night ended up being a repeat of the cabin that I went to a few weeks ago. If you need a reminder here it is:

Robbie and I went out of town with two male friends of ours to stay at a cabin and drink. We ended up having a little more fun than we planned. All in all I'd say it was one of the better orgies I've been involved in. Oh to be young.

I don't know what it is about these two guys but every time we hang out with them things tend to get a little wild. Maybe it's this heat. Makes me want to wear as little clothes as possible. And maybe that's why I found myself at Walgreen's at 3 am with no pants on.

I was wearing this cute baby doll shirt that hangs down quite far. You can barely see the bottom of my shorts when I'm wearing it. But it's still not long enough to go around without any pants on. But I guess that's what I did.

After our little fun time, I ended up putting on a pair of boy shorts (underwear that covers the hole butt but is still for all intents and purposes, underwear) because I couldn't find my shorts. (Don't you hate when that happens?) I had to head home because I had to work 10 hours the next day. I stopped at Walgreen's to get cat food and hair conditioner (which was definitely important when I'm three sheets to the wind and half naked). I didn't even remember any of this until last night when I was thinking I needed to get my cats some food and realized I already had.

That poor cashier must have thought I was out of my mind. They should add no pants to the no shoes, no shirt, no service sign.

Not that that would stop me obviously.

Friday, July 2, 2010

A little too close

I am the biggest klutz. Especially when I am drunk. But today I took it to a whole new level.

I have been laying around all day being lazy on my day off. I have some errands to do so I decided to get my ass in the shower and get moving. I am going to see some fireworks tonight from the comfort of my friend's balcony and decided I need to shave. You never know who's going to be there and what clothes are going to come off. And when I say shave, yes I do mean everything. Or at least shave my legs and arm pits and trim down there.

(If your queasy you might want to stop reading)

I haven't trimmed in a little while because I'm single and haven't been having regular sex. So.. the razor just wasn't doing the job. OH man....

I grabbed the scissors and everything was going fine, I was getting those hard to reach hairs, when all of a sudden..... SNIP!!!!!

I FUCKING snipped a piece of skin off of my vajayjay. It didn't necessarily hurt but man did that sucker bleed. I didn't even want to blog about this but if you can't share vagina shaving accident stories with your unknown blog friends, who can you share them with? It's not like something I can just tell anyone because I'll seriously never live this shit down.

For a second a didn't know what to do though. No way in hell am I dragging my ass in to the ER so some doctor can stitch me up. How humiliating. I think it's stopped bleeding but you can bet your ass that I won't be using a scissors to trim down there ever again.

Talk about taking a slice out of life.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Party, Party, Party

It has been such a long weekend and I am still recovering. Friday night I went to Chicago with some peoples to get it in. We stayed at our Russian friends penthouse and spent three days partying our ass off.

Friday night was kind of tame because all we did was go to a couple of bars. Two of Russian's friends came with us though and they were such little bitches that I wanted to smack the shit out of them. They both had so much collagen in their lips that we couldn't even understand what they were saying. One of the girls kept glaring at me because Russian was hitting on me hardcore. Lame!

I actually went to bed at a normal time like the good girl I am but everyone else ended up staying up all night. So when I woke up I wanted to go swimming in the pool and go to the lake and go on Russians jet ski. So I did. Robbie got pissed because I didn't wake her up but I wanted her to get some rest so she'd be up for the party that night. The waves on Lake Michigan were no joke and my arms and back are still hurting from flying around on that jet ski so much. But it really kicked ass and I got a really nice tan.

Saturday night we went to a rave in downtown Chicago. I must say that the party scene in Chicago is far better than the scene in my hometown. People were so fucked up and having a great time. I ended up hanging out with some cops for about 45 minutes, much to my friend's disbelief. I always seem to find myself talking to cops or firefighters when I'm all messed up. I find it quite funny. They had some guy against the wall and were searching him and I walked up to them like it was my business and just started having a conversation with one of them. His name was Jonathon and he was actually kind of cute. :)

Me: Hey, what are you doing to that guy? I'm going to call the cops on you
Jonathon: I am the cops
Me: Oh, well good. Get that fucker!
Jonathon: We are...
Me: So you got a girlfriend?
Jonathon: No
Me: Oh well... I think I'll just have a seat then...

After the rave we went to an afterset at this kids house and hung out there until the mid afternoon. Robbie thought she was OK to drive home but we got as far as Wheeling and made her pull into a hotel so we could sleep it off for a few hours. I left my favorite pillow that I've had since I was a little kid in Chicago and I'm pissed. I guess it's not a good idea to try to pack your stuff when you're messed up.

The best part of the whole weekend is we found out about this three day camping event in Michigan that is going on during my birthday in a couple of weeks. I'm going to take a lot of Valium so I don't freak out about the bugs. If it's anything like this weekend I know it's going to be off the hook!

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Sexiest camping trip ever

You know that feeling after you've hooked up with someone and it's really really excellent? I've been riding on that feeling all weekend. Robbie and I went out for ice cream with T and J on Friday and got to talking about spending the night up at J's aunts cabin. We had to lie to Robbie's man of course and say we were at Woodie's parents cabin, even though I'm pretty sure her parents don't have a cabin.

I know I've talked about his before but it was quite amazing that I agreed to go since I hate bugs and I can't relax if I know that I am in an environment where there are bugs. Camping has become a nightmare for me which sucks since I used to love to camp when I was young and, spent one week every summer sleeping in tepees at Bethel Horizons Summer Camp.

Camping isn't so bad when you have Grey Goose, two cute boys, and an active libido. We started out playing a drinking game and then sat around the campfire. One thing led to another and I broke my celibacy. The sun eventually came up and I was left walking bowlegged. J has a lot of stamina. I've had a smile on my face ever since and still can't believe I spent 10 wonderful hours in the woods without freaking out about bugs.

I think I'll have to make that my new recipe if I ever go camping again. Boys, booze and sex.

(Oh, and if you're thinking I shouldn't have been drinking you're right. But I've been very good so I believe my liver is OK with it. And it was definitely for a good cause.)

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Joys of moving

It's that time of year again and I'm really not looking forward to it. It's moving time. I want this move to be my last one for awhile so I'm trying to make sure the next place I move is a good one.

The last place we lived was ghetto but nothing as bad as the place I live now. The apartment is nice but the neighborhood and the people are on a level all their own. So far we've have a shooting outside my bedroom window, a constant daily block party where the neighbors sit outside with their folding card tables and their bottles of malt liquor, and people stealing stuff out of the laundry room.

Two nights ago I was doing laundry and came downstairs to get my clothes out of the dryer to find my laundry basket gone. I basement doors are locked now so you have to use your front door key to get in. Someone from my building stole my basket in the 30 mins it took me to dry my clothes. I am so tired of these people. Just because you are broke asses doesn't mean you can't have any class and need to steal from your neighbors.

So in my search for a new place I've been making sure to check out the reviews to see what previous tenants have said about the properties. I found this one on the site for an apartment complex that is across the street from my job:
*************************************************************************************
RENT AT YOUR OWN RISK!!!!!
From: -Anonymous-
Date posted: 10/8/2007
Years at this apartment: 2006 - 2007

I moved in last winter and thought to myself, "Hey, this place is pretty nice". It didn't take long for me to figure out that there was a lot of illegal activity going on here. 2 days after I moved in I read an article in their newsletter about vehicles being vandalized in the parking lot. I so far, have not been a victim of that (knock on wood), but know of several neighbors that have had break ins, vandalism, etc. The garage does have cameras; turns out they're fake though. No joke! One of the cameras had been torn out of the wall and I told this person who was working in the leasing office about it. She wasn't the normal girl who was working there as they had a change in the on site manager. She was training the new girl Emily, who has been very nice. This woman (not Emily) told me that the cameras down there are phony. WHY WOULD YOU TELL YOUR TENANT THAT'''''' I'm not the type of person who participates in illegal activities but it does make me wonder how many other people know about these bogus cameras.

The deal with this place is that some of the units fall under a special reduced rent program based on your income that is financed through HUD or something. That being the case it is merely assumed that low income housing will attract low class people. This being said, I would hear loud music at night on the first floor and a very strong odor of marijuana almost nightly. How can you smoke so much weed that the entire floor would know' There were always people coming and going that did not live there, an obvious sign of drug dealing.

The place was dirty, but you can't blame management. They do the best they can to keep the place clean but there are people there who just don't care and leave garbage in the elevator, common areas, and garage. Several tenants' storage lockers have been broken into and most of the unassigned lockers are filled with trash that prior tenants have left behind. Someone also urinated in the elevator on 3 different occasions and someone also must have gotten into a fight in the entry way to the garage because the drywall looked like a 200 lb man was shoved into it.

The worst part is coming right up. My girlfriend was visiting from out of town with her 16 month old nephew and had to make several trips up and down to bring things in the boy in her arm. She mistakenly left the vehicle unlocked while making a trip and someone had the nerve in that short period of time to go into the wallet in her purse and steal her debit card, credit cards, and all gift cards. She did not even know about it until the banks started calling her about restricting access to her card for suspected fraudulent activity. Whoever took her cards went on a shopping spree and that person most likely lives in the same building or knows someone who lives there.

IN CONCLUSION, RENT AT RISK!!!!!!! I STRONGLY RECOMMEND RENTING ELSEWHERE UNLESS YOU WANT TO DEAL WITH TRASHY DOPE PEDALING, CRIMINAL THIEVES!!!!!!!! GIVE IT A FEW MORE YEARS AND THEY'LL RUN IT COMPLETELY INTO THE GROUND.
*************************************************************************************

After reading this I weighed out the pros and cons.

Pros:
People that sell drugs aren't always bad.
There may be some hot guys in the building (who maybe have some weed)
There's a pool
If I'm loud my neighbors probably won't call the cops
The neighborhood looks nice
There's a washer and dryer in the unit

Cons:
People that sell drugs can be bad
I hate dirty people who litter
My car could get broken into and then I'd be pissed (not that there's anything in that piece of junk)
Management sounds like some pushovers who have no clue wasn't going on (which could be a pro unless it affects me of course)

So what do you think? Think I should keep looking?

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Jumping Ship

I don't know what day it is for sobriety and I don't care. I've been good so that's all that matters.

This summer is so different from last summer that I can't help feeling nostalgic. Last summer I was 10 pounds lighter, I could drink, there was always something fun to do, and I remember having a blast.

I don't know what it is about this summer but it seems like it hasn't started yet. I don't know if it's the recession or what but people don't seem to be doing anything. I've been swimming once so far but that about covers it. I did go to the Brewers game last week and then spent the rest of the weekend holed up inside.

Even the weather has been off. It's usually super sunny from June through August but all we've had is rain. I like the rain but it's still making things seem wrong.

We found out at work that they will be closing our office and laying everyone off in October. This has been so fun because people have been jumping ship ever since which leaves the rest of us to deal with more work.

The only good thing that has happened this week is the return of True Blood. I love that show. I was worried that I might be disappointed but it was a great episode. A little raunchy humor, more than last season, made the episode hilarious. I can't wait for next week.

I think I'm just restless though. Maybe I'll hit the gym later and work off some of this energy. I have been in a rut with the gym too. I used to love going to the gym and I loved the results I got. But now I just don't see the point. I know people say that you should look good for yourself but I really don't care right now. Not a good attitude to have and I realize this so hopefully I get out of this funk soon.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Unwelcome advances

Day 18 of Sobriety

Sorry it's been more than a week since I last posted but I've been busy. I don't even know what I've been busy with but time seems to be flying by. I got my test results back from my doctor and I am pleased to announce that my liver levels are now normal! I know this doesn't mean I should run back to drinking right away but it does mean that the damage I've done to my liver is not irreparable. That makes me super happy.

Friday night I ended up partying with my friends until the wee hours of the morning. (No I did not drink) One thing led to another though and I found myself exhausted on Robbie's couch at 10 am, grungy and sweaty from dancing all night. I invited my guy James over to kick it because he called and told me he was still up. Now don't get me wrong. I'm always down for a little nooky but there are rules that must be followed otherwise you just kill the mood. Here's what happened:

First, James comes in and sits down next to me on the couch as close as he can. We are friends with benefits so I didn't think anything of it. When I got up to go to the bathroom, he followed me in there and attempted to get it in in the bathroom. At Robbie's house. I've done this before in my drunken party days when I didn't know any better, but I'm older now. Having sex on your best friends bathroom counter while she's in the next room does not fly anymore.

After I pushed him off me we went back to the living room where he continued to rub my legs, and back, and hand over and over. At one point he even put a blanket over our laps and tried to grab me. We relocated to my house to get away from Robbie's boyfriend but that turned out to be an even worse idea. James got even more aggressive and I ended up having to kick his ass out.

WHAT THE FUCK!!

I would have been more than happy to hook up with him if he hadn't been all over me like that. I hadn't even showered and I don't know about anyone else but the smell of my own sweaty ass body is not an aphrodisiac. This is why I'm single.

What a loser. He sure missed out because after he left I got all nice and clean and took care of the problem myself. I guess that saying is true; Never send a man to do a woman's job.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Drunken ramblings

Day 10 of sobriety

Today is day 10 of sobriety and I'm not going to lie. I had two beers within that time but otherwise I've been a good girl. G's birthday was last week and I went to the dinner and then bowed out when they were heading off to the bar. I knew I wouldn't be able to go to the bars with them and not drink, dinner was hard enough, so I left. The weekend was actually really fun even without liquor. I went swimming Saturday and got some color on my pasty ass. Sunday I worked and had a BBQ with the Fam on Memorials day at the park. I thought I was going to be bored as hell all weekend but I surprised myself by participating in some PG activities and having a good time.

I'm not going to lie and say that it's been easy. There have been moments where thinking about the taste of a Leinies Honey Weiss almost made me say fuck it and go buy a 12-pack but I didn't. 10 days baby. I can do it.

Big Brothers birthday is coming up and we're going to the Brewers v. Cubs game. We had otherwise been stumped on who was going to be the designated driver but I guess we know who that will be. Oh well. It's kind of interesting being sober. I've started noticing the funny ass things people say when they are drunk. I'm sure I've said funny ass shit before too but it's different being on the listening end now.

I couldn't help but overhear some people's conversations at G's bday dinner and this is some of things I heard. (oh, and virgin margaritas are just not the same without tequila. I don't care what anyone says. It's not supposed to taste like fruit!)

Conversation one

Drunk Girl to Drunk Guy: "Well, I guess I'll let you hit it later if you buy all my drinks tonight."

Drunk Guy to Drunk Girl: "I guess we can do that. But only as long as you don't get mad at me if I hit on other girls.

Drunk Girl to Drunk Guy: "OK. It's whatever."


Conversation two

Drunk Girl 1 to Drunk Girl 2: "I know this is a stupid question but how do you make the color red?"

Drunk Girl 2 to Drunk girl 1: "Are you serious? You mix blue and yellow."

Drunk Girl 1 to Drunk Girl 2: "Really? I don't know why but I was just thinking about that and I couldn't remember."

Drunk Girl 2 to Drunk Girl 1: "That's OK. I took extra art classes in high school so I remember."

(red is a primary color)


Conversation Three

Drunk Girl 3 to Drunk Girl 4: "So I hooked up with Dave last night."

Drunk Girl 4 to Drunk Girl 3: "Finally. I've been getting tired of hearing about how much you want to hook up with him. How was it?"

Drunk Girl 3 to Drunk Girl 4: "It was horrible. It was so small I barely felt anyting. I actually asked him if it was in and he got all offended. I didn't say this to him but Hey, it's not my fault if you have a little dick."

Drunk Girl 4 to Drunk Girl 3: "That sucks. What a waste of time. You obsessed about him forever."

Drunk Girl 3 to Drunk Girl 4: "I know, right?"

Drunk Girl 4 to Drunk Girl 3: "You should tell him to use Extenze. My brother says it really works."

Drunk Girl 3 to Drunk Girl 4: "How do you know that? Why would you and your brother talk about something like that?"

Drunk Girl 4 to Drunk Girl 3: "Um, it just came up once."

Drunk Girl 3 to Drunk Girl 4: "What kind of conversation were you having where something like that would come up?"

Drunk Girl 4 to Drunk Girl 3: "I don't remember but that's not the point. Just tell him that."

Drunk Girl 3 to Drunk Girl 4: "Sure. I'm going to tell some guy that I hooked up with that his package is small and that he should use Extanze because (Drunk Girl 4)'s brother used it and it worked so it's OK."

Drunk Girl 4 to Drunk Girl 3: "Yeah. I would."

Drunk Girl 3 to Drunk Girl 4: "Yeah. And that's why you're single."

Classic

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

One day at a time

Day 3 of sobriety

So i've used this blog for a lot of things. It's really helped me get over the Ex and get some things off my chest that are normally not polite to say in public. Not that I usually care but i'm trying. Now that i've got this sobriety issue to deal with, i've realized there is no better place to help me deal with this. I don't think I can do AA. I'm not an alcoholic. I just like to drink. I don't need it but I like the taste of a beer on a hot summer day. Or a cocktail when I go out with my girlfriends. (Ooh, let me stop because i'm getting kind of thirsty.) But I don't NEED alcohol.

Stopping though may be kind of hard though, especially because it's been such a part of my life for so long. But I will take one mantra from AA and say that it's just going to have to be one day at a time.

I was pretty proud of myself last night. My friends stopped by my house so Kammie could change clothes, and they were heading out for the night. I was invited along but I knew if I went I would want a beer so I sat my ass on the couch. I made dinner and did some Pilate's. I read some and then passed out. Yay me. Not every day is going to be like this but I figure I just need to focus my attention on other things. What better thing to focus on than getting my ass back in shape? Four months of being sick really made me soft again. And let's not forget the reason I was sick in the first place was pancreatitis so it all comes down to alcohol.

Take one road and you're fat, and sick and drunk. Take another and you're healthy and fit and sober. I think i'll take option number two. Wouldn't you?

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Good-bye alcohol

Last night I ended up in the emergency room again with pancreatitis. I'm not sure what triggered it. It could have been the beer I drank the night before, or the brat I had, or the painkiller I took. But whatever it was, my stomach was not happy and I ended up screaming in pain at my friend's bbq and was rushed to the ER. Again. The doctor says that I need to cut alcohol out of my life completely, and I need to maintain a healthy diet, free of greasy and fatty foods, red meat, and sodium.

What a great afternoon.

So I am now entering the boring stage of my life and I wanted to say a goodbye to the drink that I love so much. I will miss you.

Thank you for all the times you made me pee on myself in public. That was fun.

Thank you for all of the times you made me wake up next to someone I couldn't remember. That was also fun.

Thank you for all the stupid, dumb, idiotic things that you made me say that made my IQ drop every time.

Thank you for giving me the liquid courage to stand on top of that bar and dance like the girls from Coyote ugly. That was retarded.

Thank you for making my last relationship tolerable.

Thank you for adding on 20 pounds to my otherwise small body.

Thank you for making me a huge klutz. I really enjoyed breaking my foot; diving into that pool wasted and breaking my nose; falling down stairs, on pavement, into tables, chairs, and other objects.

Thank you for burning a whole in my stomach and making it so I can never drink orange juice again.

And lastly, thank you for the millions of hangovers I've had and all the times I puked in a car, bathroom, floor, yard, sink, bed, or bowl.

I am really going to miss you.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Drunken phone call

Last week our office announced that we would be closing our doors soon. This means that I finally have to stop being lazy and look for another job. The reason I am going to school is to be a teacher but I have to have a Bachelors degree in order to get a good job. So two more years of working in the corporate world and then I'm free to do what I really want to do.

In the meantime though it's corporate city for me. I sent out a bunch of applications and have gotten some responses. None of them have been very interesting except for one from this guy who decided to call me last Friday while I was drunk. This job would have a better annual salary than I have now, and I wouldn't have to deal with the phones all day. Sounds perfect for me right now. Except for the fact that I answered the phone while I was having an afternoon beer (or ten) and I can't remember the whole conversation. Here's hoping I didn't slur my words or anything because I can really use this opportunity. I didn't even remember this conversation until Monday morning. That is not good. He sounded really excited though so maybe he didn't notice. Or maybe I just thought he sounded excited because everyone seems happy to me when I'm sloshed. Like beer goggles, I see everyone through happy goggles and think everyone is up for the party.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Hybernating

I have locked myself in my house and have decided to say fuck it. The weekend started out fun, although I did get a little crazy again. I ended up partying from Thursday through Saturday and am now recovering. You know what they say about the best laid plans. I was really planning on doing something productive this weekend but ended up on a drunken binge again. My stomach is not loving me and I spent most of Friday huddled over my brothers toilet. Which still didn't stop me from going out Friday night. Not sure what I did though because I can't remember shit. So not really a long post except to say that I'm hungover, pms'ing, and trying to separate myself from the general population for their own good.

I did hit on a 17 year old even though I knew he was 17. My alcoholism knows no limits. I think it's time for AA again..... NAH!! Where's the fun it that right??

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Graduation day

Hello my peoples. Sorry I haven't posted in a grip but it was a very busy weekend. I GRADUATED FROM COLLEGE!! That's right biatch. I am now a college graduate. I know this isn't a big deal to millions of other people that have also graduated from college but it's a big deal to me. First one in my family too! Boo-ya!!

My brother threw a party for me Saturday night and I'm told it was a really good time. I can't remember half of it though so I'll have to take every one's word for it. It must have been that one Petron shot they made me take that made me black out. I don't do well with hard liquor anymore. Ever since I had my gall bladder taken out, it's like the liquor hits my stomach that much harder and it's barf central. Good times.

So I ended up having a little bit too good of time with a friend of mine and had to take a morning after pill the next day. Good thing my friends are little promiscuous bees and keep stuff like that lying around. Don't know where I'd be without them.

I did find out I wasn't the only one having too good of time that night. One of the guys someone brought ended up peeing on my brothers floor and passing out on the stairs. Are you serious?! You know that was a good party when people are too drunk to find the bathroom. It's not really that funny though. It would have been funnier if I would have done it, but now its just disrespectful. Men!

But overall, I would have to say I am seriously happy with the results. But I'm going to hold off on another party like that for awhile. I had a hell of a hangover the next day!

Friday, May 7, 2010

The G life




I live in a semi-ghetto. My apartment is nice but there are these ghetto ass apartments behind my house and every day you can hear someone outside cussing, fighting, or playing with their Pitt bull. There's this one group of old dudes who find it productive to sit outside at a fold out table, from morning until night, playing cards and dominoes. My bedroom faces these apartments so the first thing I hard every morning is these guys arguing and sipping on their Colt 45.

Don't these people work? I need to go outside and find out their secret. I want to sit around all day drinking beer, playing cards, and still have a place to live. Maybe they can teach me their secret. Working is definitely overrated and these ol' boys seem to have the secret to the good life.

There is a rumor going around work that they are going to lay everyone off and close our offices down. If this happens then, I've got it made baby. One step down on my plan to becoming a G. Next step, secure unemployment so I can finance my laziness and then the rest is history.

I see sun and malt liquor in the future. Is there anything better than that?

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Not so itty bitty spider

It's Thursday afternoon and I have about 2 hours left of work. The day is going by just like any other crappy day. I'm on the phone with a customer when all of a sudden something shoots by me on my desk. I can't even believe how fast I moved out of my chair. It scared the shit out of me it moved so frickin fast. And of course its a gross ass black spider. One of those ones that jumps. I hate those. In all of the whole building, its just my luck that some nasty spider I'm allergic to has to run on my desk.

So of course every one's looking at me like the stupid freak who's scared of spiders. They can all get bent for all I care. I went to a friend's house once and he had recently moved in with this guy I had had a crush on for years. One thing led to another and I ended up sleeping over. He lived over his dad's bar and had a door to the back deck in his room. He had left the door open while we were getting it on because it was hot in there. I went home and got some extra sleep and woke up unable to breathe. My face, hands, and arms were swollen and I had hives everywhere. I went to the doctor and he told me that I was bitten by a spider and am allergic. Great! I've always been freaked out about the creepy crawlies, but my level of anxiety has reached recently new heights. I don't even know why. I'm almost positive it could have absolutely nothing to do with my years of experimenting with hallucinogenics. That's just crazy. All they do is alter your mind and make you see things that aren't there. How could that possibly make me scared of bugs??

So my doctor has put me on Valium because I get so anxious I start having panic attacks. Over bugs. I don't know why they exist. Could someone please shed some light on the necessity of pincer bugs in this world? What are their purpose except to freak out and piss people off??? I don't think they have one. Or at least there shouldn't be one.

All I know is I'm asking for a bug zapper for my birthday and I don't care how weird it's gonna look. I'm going to sit on my porch and enjoy the sound of the little assholes frying.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Bitchy

Have you ever had one of those days where you feel really bitchy and you don't know why? Well that's me today. I don't even know why, I'm just in a really bad mood and everything annoys me.

The stupid guy on the phone who thinks his jokes are funny annoys me.

My cat trying to snuggle with me this morning and getting hair in my face annoyed me.

The fact that I had to run to the bank to get money to buy text books before work annoyed me.

The fact I had to work at all annoys the hell out of me.

For some reason my feet seem to be getting smaller and my favorite shoes now seem to be too big and that really annoys me because it doesn't make one bit of sense.

The fact that we have so many calls at work and they have not hired more people, making us work that much harder really annoys me.

I'm broke and that's super annoying...

Get the picture? Just having one of those days where everything and everyone is annoying as hell and I just want to go home and curl up with the new Charlaine Harris book but I can't because I wasted all my sick time...

AND THAT'S THE MOST ANNOYING THING OF ALL DAMMIT!!!!

Monday, April 26, 2010

Im a addict.

I think i might be an addict. Not for drugs, or alcohol, or sex. Even though all three have made a cameo in the addict section of my life. But an addict for the written word. Sounds kind of gay right?

I'm serious though. I was thinking about it tonight. I read all the time. It's Sunday and I've read two books since Saturday morning. Pretty lame huh? What's even lamer is I have already read the books. I just remembered I loved them and decided to read them again.

Last summer I was working out all the time. I was trying to think about my mind set then and figure out what was so different than now. I can barely drag my ass to the gym now but last year i was so pumped to work out. So what's different?

I realized that last summer I barely read. Which is such a weird thing for me. I always have a book that i'm reading close by. It's like I went to rehab and discovered there were other joys out there than getting high. And now i've fallen off the wagon.

As I was laying in bed tonight, the analogy was too much for me to ignore and I had to blog about it. I am a book junky.

HI! My name is Lush and i'm and addict. It's nice to meet you.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Annoyances

So we all know my biggest pet peeve is when people are talking to me when I'm reading. It may not be important for them, but I am in the middle of something that IS important to me, and I hate that.

Came upon a new annoyance this evening. I think it is so rude to have people over to your house as guests, then make dinner for everyone there but one person. Tonight I went to the gym and did 2 miles on the elliptical. I stopped at the Besties after to grab my beer I left there Friday. I ended up hanging out for a bit because they always bitch that I go home early. Well as I'm sitting there they start making dinner. I'm not even hungry, as I was just at the gym and was not feeling food at all. But then they start asking who's hungry and leave me out. I really want to stress again that I was not hungry. It was really just the principle of the matter. They had enough food for four people, why wouldn't you offer your guest a little bit?

I haven't even gotten to the worst part. As I said I left my beer there Friday. I went to grab one and noticed there were 5 left out of a 12 pack. I had one on Friday and five was all that was left. My bestie asks someone to grab her one, the last beer and I say no. Her boyfriend throws it in my face that, "he buys her beer all the time and I come over and drink it." Oh excuse me. It's not like she bought it herself. I actually have to work 40 hours a week to pay for my damn beer. Excuse me for being a little temperamental that you feel you are entitled to my hard earnings.

If that's not annoying I don't know what is.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Prude.. who me???

I've been recently informed by my bestie that I am a prude. She says that I am so picky, that it's making me alone and I need to just get some ass and get out of my own way. She sure does have a way with words, doesn't she?

I wouldn't exactly call me a prude but I do agree that I am quite picky. Wouldn't you be after the losers that i've dated? The unfortunate part about it is that she is party correct. I do spend most of my time alone. I don't go out and date. I can 't stand the bar anymore, and I would rather curl up in bed with a good book then waste my night listening to some guy ramble on about how much he likes sports, and what he wants to be when he grows up. Eating razor blades sounds more fun to me right now than that. Does that make me cynical? Or just realistic?

I'm sure i'm not the only person in the world who's been burned and has almost given up. It is kind of sad that I am so young. And I do worry about it sometimes. I mean, I know you're "supposed" to mate with someone, have kids, and blah blah, but I just can't see that happening anytime soon.

Just because i'm not doing what's expected of me doesn't make me a lonely cat lady does it? I sure hope not because I really am too young to end up like my grandma and mom. Ok.... here's my personal goal:

School is over next week. I promise to get out of the house and be social, get laid (even if its just a one night thing), and stop thinking every man who talks to me is a waste of space.

See I can make productive goals. The Bestie doesn't know what she's talking about.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Graduation is near

A week and a half left and I will be a collge graduate. I know this isn't one-in-a-million type thing, but it's kind of amazing to me. I'm throwing a huge party of course. Well actually my family is throwing it for me. I even took off work afterwards to make sure I recover. I can't seem to be able to drink like I used to. I try, and then I spend two days in bed, or throwing up everything I eat. I love my pancreas!

Anyhoo.. Here's the party details: We're having it at my brothers and he's cooking of course. I tried to tell him he didn't need to go overboard but it's like talking to a wall. He loves to cook and gets very frustrated when things don't come out right. We're also having kegs, and tents in the backyard, music, and games. I saw these people playing keg kickball at the zoo last summer and have wanted to try it since. It's basically the same as regular kick ball except you have to run with a cup of beer in your hand, chug it and refill it at second base. Should be fun for everyone.

The family will be there too and that should be an interesting mix of old people covering their ears from all the swearing, drunken kids, and loud ass rap music. Good times. I can't wait.

So yeah me! All i've got to do now is pass my damn math final and we're home clear! *fingers crossed*

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

The funniest thing in the world

I am not a mean person. Well at least I do not think I am. But there are just some circumstances that bring out my inner meanness. Sometimes I feel bad afterwards, and sometimes I don't.

Case in point:

Last night I checked my myspace for the first time in awhile. (Myspace has kind of fell off, don't you agree?) I noticed the ex had updated his status so I clicked on his page to see what the little shit has been up to. (I have a very morbid, masochistic sense of curiosity's.) I could not believe what I was reading. Turns out he is having a baby. A BABY! With the she-monster I ABSOLUTELY CAN NOT STAND!

My first reaction was WTF??!! My second reaction was I have got to find out if this is true. So I texted him, and he immediately confirmed it. He is having a baby with her and she is 6 months pregnant. Which means that she got pregnant around Christmas, which is right around the time I told him to get lost. So he went crawling back to her. Again.

I feel sorry for this girl. Really I do. I seriously do not understand why you would want to be with a person that continuously cheats on you, lies to your face, and does god knows what low life things behind your back. Last summer me and the Ex started to become friends again. I don't know what I was thinking except maybe I was partly trying to screw up their relationship, maybe I was lonely, maybe I thought I still had feelings for him. Whatever the reason was, after awhile I realized that he was NOT what I wanted. So I ended it with him and moved on. And have not looked back once.

So you can understand why it would be so funny to me to hear him say that, "I was just upset because I let a good thing get away!" I could not stop laughing last night. I was in the liquor store grabbing some beer, cause I needed one after this news, and started giggling at the checkout. As I said, I am usually not a mean person but I could not help myself after this. I proceeded to tell him that I actually felt sorry for their kid, and hoped he could keep it in his pants for the kids sake, and what an accomplishment it is for him to have a baby with the only girl that will put up with him.

Most girls would feel like they got a punch in the gut after hearing their Ex and the hoe he cheated with are having a baby. I got a six pack, congratulated them, and laughed until I cried.

So here's to you two! I salute you on taking each other out of the gene pool so no one else is stuck with you.


Thursday, April 15, 2010

CODE 9

Day 4 of sobriety

There is this really annoying girl at my work and we have dubbed her CODE 9. Whenever a call comes in from a customer we have to "code our calls." We do this so "the man" can track who's calling and for what reason. So a customer calling about a balance inquiry would be Code 15, a balance transfer would be Code 16, an address change would be Code 12, and a limit increase would be Code 23. You get the picture?

Well, this girl is so unbelievably annoying that my two conspirators at work and I have dubbed her Code 9. See, this way we can warn each other when she's coming without hurting her feelings. Hey, I know it's not the nicest thing but I could care less. What is not nice is how she thinks it's okay to follow me to the break room on lunch and monopolize my lunch by telling me all about her stepdaughter's promiscuity. Or her gallbladder surgery. Or her upcoming wedding in very miniscule detail.

I understand these type of people need someone to talk to. All. The. Time. And hey, I'm not hating. Just as long as it's not to me. Work is a place where I am required to spend 40 hours a week talking to people and listening to people complain. All I ask is for a half hour a day to NOT TALK! Is that so bad??

She should start a blog. Then she could talk to her hearts desire. I wonder if anyone would read it?

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Hello Again

Well it's almost been a year since i've posted and a lot has happened. I am going to school to become a teacher and that means that I have to be above reproach. I didn't want a blog to affect what could otherwise be an amazing future. So I stopped blogging. I have made this a little more anonymous though, and feel that I have more to say so.. here I am!

Here's a recap on what's been going on with me this year:

First things first. The Ex and I are no more. I don't even know what I was thinking trying to get back together with him. It soon became clear that it was business as usual with him and I realized that that wasn't good enough for me. Now, I don't even talk to him. I'm sorry but good riddance! He cheated on me, lied to me, pretty much made me hate myself, and then started doing the same thing when we hooked up last summer. So... *click click* DELETED!

I have settled into single life again, and sometimes feel like I am permanently niched here. I did date someone for awhile but it never really took off. He traveled a lot and seemed to have communication issues. After the Ex, i'm not taking any shit from anyone. I'd rather be alone than unhappy. Unfortunately, being alone can make you unhappy as well. And make you do things that you would otherwise not do. Like sleep with your best friend who you aren't even remotely attracted to. I know, I know!! Unforgivable right? Especially since he's been in love with me forever, and now i'm like this shameless cougar praying on the weak. I don't even want to think about it. As Scarlet famously put it, "tomorrow is always another day!"

I got sick for quite awhile. I came down with the Swine Flu and had a really bad case of Pancreatitis. I spent this past winter in and out of the hospital, pretty much quit drinking for all intents and purposes, and gained ten pounds, which I am vehemently working off now that I'm feeling better.

I'm graduating next month if all goes according to plan. I have five weeks left; i'm in the home stretch. And i'm failing math. It would really be stupid to work this hard, and get to this point, and then fail because of one damn Algebra 2 class.

That's about it. Not exactly Pulitzer reading but there you have it. I'm back and hopefully here for awhile.

Missed ya lots,

Lush