Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Few and far between

When I started my blog I used it as a way to get through a broken heart, and vent a lot of frustrations that my friends frankly, were tired of listening to. I have pretty much mended my broken heart and am now stronger than I ever was. So thank you bloggers for helping me get over all that crap.

But now I find myself in a little pickle. I definitely want to keep blogging, and I will, but I am so unbelievably busy now with school, friends, working out and getting hotter and hotter every day, and getting to know the Ex again, that I haven't had a lot of time to write. And i've been a little low on ideas too.

I could write about the Ex and our always dramatic relationship, but that's not always interesting to people. And my blog isn't exacly private so anything I write can be read by anyone, and a lot of it is not anyone's business. Especially nosy ex-girlfriends who have no life, and are obsessed.

This weekend Kammie and I are throwing a big party for the fireworks which is put on at a park right down the street from my house. I will post again after that and let you all know if I get arrested or not.

Until then, stay real. Love ya lots.


Wednesday, June 17, 2009


Wow, I've been kind of M.I.A the last week but I've had so much going on. I started these two new classes and I've been freaking out. One of them is American Government and the other is Teaching Math to Elementary students. American Government is not really my favorite subject, but I have wanted to touch up my knowledge recently in light of Obama's election. I thought I understood government and how it works, but I often find myself a little lost when people start going off about the state of the nation. So American Government, not a problem.

The other class though.... not so much. My math education has been lame at best, and I literally went cross-eyed when reading the first few paragraphs. But I decided to chill the hell out, sit down, focus and actually absorb the information, and I actually understood it. I don't think it's ever been a problem of understanding the material (except for geometry. That shit makes no sense), it's really just an issue of not caring about the material. And since I don't care, it takes me that much longer to do it. I wrote both of my 2,000 word final papers for my last semester classes in one day. And I got and A and a B.

But I'm an idiot when it comes to math so I have to spend twice as long working on it. This is going to be a really fun summer! So not as many blogs because really, who wants to hear about how lame my life is? Friday night at home studying math! Not really.

*sigh* back to work....

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Laying down the law

I wrote this last night when I was drunk….

Reality is harsh. Delusions are easier to deal with than what is going on around you. You try to look for the good in people, but sometimes you just have to admit it might not be there. You can only be who you are, and if the people around you can’t cut it, then they aren’t good enough for you.

I recently was tested as to whether the words I just stated were pretty thoughts in my head, or words I actually live by. I am happy to report that I surprised even myself.

A situation came up that has happened before. I used to do whatever it took to make things copacetic, even if it meant being submissive; but no more. And never again. I stood my ground, and am very proud. I'm not going to go into details except this....

To a certain person I say: Drugs and alcohol are not an excuse to treat people like shit. I know; I’ve been there and I’ve come out the other side a better person. There is more to life than living like this. You still have so much to learn and experience. I am not holding anything against you, but nor will I allow myself to be treated this way ever again. Alcohol or not.

I deserve the best there is and will not settle for anything less. I am not the same person I was. That person was never who I really am. It’s nice to finally meet you though. I really do hope you can be the person I know you can be so I can continue knowing you into the future. Otherwise, good luck and good wishes in all that you do.


Me xoxo

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus

As long as I live I think men and women will never understand each other. We try of course but it is a losing battle. Frankly, I don’t understand people in general. Let me amend that… I don’t understand SOME people. And I don’t understand SOME men.

Especially the Ex.

I text him on my way home last night and we made plans to hang out today. I wanted to see him, but he had some friends over and I was tired, so no big deal right? Right.

I passed out around 1 and was dead asleep when my phone went off around 2:30. It was him and he wanted to come over. Even though I was sleeping, I told him the back door was open and to let himself in.

He showed up around 3:30 drunk. Again… no big deal. I got out of bed so that we could talk for a bit, but I was exhausted and ready to go back to sleep. He came in my room, strips, and laid down. Next thing I know, his mouth is wide open, he’s taking up more than half the bed and he is SNORING!!! I can handle a lot of stuff, but I don’t do snoring.

I was sleeping so well before he came over too.
I tried waking him up. I tried rolling him over.
I tried pinching his nose and mouth so he’d stop breathing and wake up. NOTHING!

I couldn’t get back to sleep, so I tried to sleep on the couch. The cat litter smelled and I was too lazy to clean it at 4 am, so I tried going back in my room. I turned the fan on and put a pillow on his face.

Silence finally! I kept thinking he was going to suffocate or something though. I weighed the pros and cons of risking it against getting some much needed sleep. I left the pillow on his face….

Just kidding! I’m not a total bitch. I moved the pillow so it was off his mouth and nose but still laying against his face blocking his noise a little. I finally slept. And then overslept. He was supposed to be at work at 9 am, and after realizing that I had been pressing the snooze button for over an hour, I realized that it was 8:50.

He never even heard the stupid alarm going off for an hour! And he had the audacity to look at me like, “why’d you press snooze so long!”

I have allergies and my head feels like it’s going to explode in the mornings. If he wouldn’t have come over I could have had at least 2-3 more hours of sleep, and I wouldn’t feel like castrating someone today.

Really? What was the point of this? I enjoy a good booty call just as much as the next person and I love the kid to death but come on! You’d have to have patience of steel not to roll him off the bed and let his comatose ass sleep on the floor! Am I right or am I right?

Monday, June 8, 2009



No, I am not talking about what you think I am talking about…

First, I have been on this weight loss goal for the last 6 months and I am happy to report… Score!

I went to the doctor last week and I have lost 40 pounds. 40 pounds people!!!! That’s like a 10 year old being extracted from my ass! Unfortunately my pants actually look like I’ve dropped 40 pounds in them, and I feel like I’m swimming in them. Shopping trip!

Second, Kammie decided to have a little bar-b-que last week at our crib. I had already invited the Ex when Robbie and a few of my other friends informed me they were on their way. I warned them that I had invited the Ex, as it is MY HOUSE, and they said they were cool with it.

I was so nervous that gauntlets were going to be thrown down or something, but everything went pretty great. The Ex even brought his Wii over; which I had never played before. Bowling Rocks!

Robbie could not reign herself in all night unfortunately and ended up pouting (I’m not even kidding! The girl sat on the couch and frowned at me). Why? Because the Ex and I accidentally call each other pet names still and we don’t even notice it. It annoyed her. Whatever.

I am still pleased with the situation because my friends obviously understood that it was important to me. (I can’t hold it against Robbie. She means well) Score!

And lastly…. Weeds is on tonight!!!! Triple Score!!!!!

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Waking up laughing

I woke up laughing in my sleep this morning. It was seriously the weirdest thing ever. I wasn't even aware I was doing it until the Ex nudged me and asked what was so funny. (Yes, the Ex was over.. hehe shhhh)

I was dreaming that I was on this trip to Chicago with friends and people from school or something. The girl whose mother was driving (we were in our 20s I think but for some reason this girls mom drove us, don't ask) was a real Ice Queen and I just could not stand her. So when we got to Chicago we ditched them and took off for this mall. Next thing I remember is eating Sbarro in the food court with the Ex. Since we didn't have a ride home, we all jumped on a bus. I got there late and noticed my bags weren't anywhere to be found. I started freaking out because my book was in one of my bags, and there is no way I was going to drive 3 hours to Madison without anything to read. The next thing I know though, after like a 15 minute fit, was opening my eyes and seeing that we were in Madison. I had slept all the way there. (This is all a dream just to recap) And then I started laughing because I threw such a fit and then slept the whole way home anyway.

But I was laughing in real life too. Weird. I've never done that before. It just threw me off guard a little. The Ex already thinks I'm nuts so I don't worry what he thinks. How embarrassing that would have been though if that was a guy that I barely knew!


Speaking of the Ex. We still have a few kinks to work out with this whole being friends thing. We got in our first argument last night. Not good. (We made up though) We are trying this whole being honest with each other thing. When we dated, one of our main problems was trust. But when you're friends with someone, and sleeping with them too, where do you draw the line? For instance, he admitted to me that he had slept with this one girl, who I know by the way and don't approve of. But frankly, it's none of my business. He can't judge me on who I date, so why should I with him?

Sounds reasonable right? Yeah, if you're thinking logically. But when it comes to situations like this, who really thinks logically. So I guess I got a little judgemental, and he got a little offended.

He says that he likes that I am the only girl he feels comfortable telling this stuff too. That's great and all but I am not one of the guys. It's super cool that he thinks of me this way, but I'm only human, and have an ugly green monster just like any other girl. Even if we are just friends.

So where do you draw the line? I think I am going to go live in the woods or something and talk to animals. That would be much easier. Don't you think? (oh, I forgot about the bugs. Scratch that)

Monday, June 1, 2009

Bring on the Zen

I have been on this whole "Zen" kick lately. It feels so much better to be happy instead of bitchy or angry at people. But there are just some times when no matter how hard you try, you just end up in a bad mood. My job is the main example.

I talk to people all day and I try to stay upbeat but some people are just rude, mean, and severely lacking in manners. Ever seen the movie 7 pounds with Will Smith? In the beginning he's on the phone with Woody Harrelson, who is a blind man working at a call center selling meat. Will completely goes off on him and insults him to no end. In my profession we are taught that the customer is not directly mad at us as people, but with the situation. But that is not always true. Some of the people are just plain mean and looking to make you feel bad about yourself. In these situations I really just want to snap out. WTF is wrong with these people?

Then I come into work today, almost late since I have the flu (thanks to my friends who were all sick and insisted they weren't contagious anymore) and almost slept through my alarm. There's a table set up with all of this food on it, and two big signs stating that it's two of the girls who work here's birthday, but you can only help yourself if you are invited to. This is literally what the signs say. I don't really give a crap because I brought lunch, but #1- How fricking rude and #2- the table is set up in the middle of the floor so I have to sit here, (all sick mind you) and smell the food they have over there. And some of it is pretty strong and rank.

I think I just need a new job or something. I had a panic attack the other day and I can't figure out why. My grandma has had them her whole life and I seriously don't want them. She has so much stress that she gets them quite frequently. I'm straight on that. So I'm starting the search now....


On another note, I hung out with the Ex this weekend and it was quite fun. It feels great that we can actually chill and be friends without all the fighting and jealousy involved. When we dated and weren't fighting we'd have the best times. We never run out of things to talk about and I've really missed that. We went to my girl G's birthday bar-b-Que and it was pretty chill and laid back. I spent a lot of time talking to Ex of course but he got along good with most of my friends which is cool. And if you're wondering if there are any sparks there.... I can report that of course there are. There always will be. But I don't want a relationship with anyone. So we're both happy just being friends. I'm sure I'll marry him in like 10 years but until then...