Saturday, March 28, 2009

The weatherman is on crack

So. The weather report is calling for snow. SNOW. It's almost April. How can there be snow? Me and Robbie have been sick pretty much all week and today is my last day before I have to go back to work tomorrow and I was really looking forward to going to the gym, or taking the dogs for a run. But no. There may be snow. When I hear those words, all I feel like doing is sitting my happy ass in front of the TV. But that's what we did yesterday and I don't feel productive anymore if the whole day is filled with TV.

What has happened to me? Motivation is good, but too much makes me feel like a pod person. Every day I get closer to 30, (hey, 5 years but still that could go by super fast), and I am trying to enjoy every minute of that. Unfortunately, everyone is sick and there's snow.

Lame. Well, I guess I can actually work on my paper that's due tomorrow instead of doing it at the last minute. Or not. We'll see. Hope everyone else's weekend is going a little better than ours.

Coconuts and Cream

It's 4:39 am and my "friend" just left. Hmm. Gotta make up a name for him since he seems to be planning on being around for a grip. Let's call him.... Mammoth. You can figure out why.

I haven't hit him up since meeting him and I wasn't sure if he wanted me to. But tonight, I was feeling it comin on and remembered how much chemistry we had so I hit him up. And was not disappointed. Yum.

Too bad he has to work otherwise we'd still be in bed. Haven't snuggled with a man in a long time and it felt amazing. I've missed that part of it. Even though I can be independent, it's still nice to have someone you can lay with for a little while and just cuddle. A little gay? Ya. BUt who cares>? We all need human connection. All human connection. Not just friends and family.

So, even though I smell like cocoa butter after he leaves, I think I might just hear from him again soon. Nothing wrong with a little cocoa butter. Makes things all nice and smooth.

Yum. Yum.

Friday, March 20, 2009

Pickle's 1st birthday!

Yay! Today is Rozlyn's first birthday party and I can not wait. She is such a little doll and really makes me want to have one one day. Woah. Let's not get crazy here. I said one day. Meaning one day in like ten years. Much better.

I got her the cutest little sailor dress and I can't wait to see her in it. On Wednesday, which was her actually birthday, I stopped over and saw her for a little bit. While she was sitting in her high chair eating peaches, she looks up at me, looks at the dog and says.. "puppy." Oh! I swear it was the cutest thing. First time she said it too and I was there. She's only one. I can not even believing she's progressing this fast.

So super excited about that. I didn't get a chance to write about St. Pat's day because I've been pretty sick. Last week I woke up and I had a bite on my back and hives all over. I did not know what it was and didn't think it was such a big deal I needed to go to the doctor. But Wednesday I woke up and I couldn't even talk and had to go home early yesterday. I went to the doctor and it turns out I'm having an extreme allergic reaction to a spider bite! Seriously, like I'm not already afraid of the stupid things. So my landlord is having someone come spray the house Monday, and I was in the doctor today picking up my Ritalin and he prescribed me a tranquilizer for my anxiety. I can't even go downstairs and do my laundry. I pay other people to do it. A gnat flew around my head and I freaked out and had to get drunk to stop looking around for it.

I know most girls, not trying to be sexist here, are afraid of bugs. But not like this. We had cockroaches in an apartment we lived in once when I was little and I've had a recurring dream about them ever since. So hopefully this Lorazapan can help me when I start having a panic attack because it's very embarrassing to be like this in front of people.

Pretty much the only thing I get embarrassed about. Good thing too because I do a lot of shit that most people would find embarrassing.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

The Hoe Post

You know the saying, "how much is too much?" Well, I'm a firm believer in too much is never enough but over the last few weeks I've been thinking about that more and more.

When I was younger, I experimented with sex. You could even say I was a little promiscuous. Now don't get me wrong, I was not a slut; just young and having fun. Over the last few years I've been in these long relationships though and have been MOSTLY faithful to them. (hey, they were asses who cheated on me. I don't feel bad in the least)

But over the last 5 months, while I was mending my broken heart, I've stayed away from guys, sex, and everything in between. But that's all over. Hearts not completely healed but it's not running the show anymore. I have let the dragon out of her cage. 5 months is a long time to bottle all of that up you know. Definitely bad for your health.

I joke around with Acker a lot because she's a Scorpio and the horniest girl I know. She is confident in having sex and is not ashamed to have as much as she wants. She's sort of our resident Samantha. Or as I call her, our resident Acker. I joke with her a lot about it because one, it's good material, and two, that's just how I am. I do give her props though for doing the damn thing though.

But since I've been chilling on the quiet front lately, it's kind of amazing to me how free I've been lately. Now, I'm not going into explicit details except to say that over the past couple of weeks, I've reconnected with two of my old friends, had a one night stand, and met someone potentially new. Not new in the relationship sense but new in the, "I can actually stand hanging out with you more than a few times and still stand seeing your face," new. The best part is, he gets me. Most guys get a little affronted by my direct no hold back attitude. Actually, most people get taken aback by it. I don't see why though. I'm honest and direct. So what? But this guy actually thought I was funny.

We even told each other straight up what we liked and what we didn't like about the other.

Me to him: Negative: your name
your bottom lips too big when you kiss. I have to wipe my chin
cause you slobber all over it
there's more but I can't remember
Positive: your hot
you laugh at my jokes and don't get pissed when I tell you to
fuck off
you're hung like a horse
See all good things...

Him to me: ...... I think he said stuff here but I wasn't listening because I know I'm great and don't need him to tell me.

But either way, I'm not turning into a Samantha or ever Acker, but I'm definitely not got 5 months prude again. So again with the question, "How much is too much?"

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

St. Pattys

Happy St. Patricks day bloggers! And today is Bad Girls so it's a double whammy for me. I'm going to try to simmer it down tonight but it can be pretty impossible at times.

Before Bad Girls, Mccants is having a friend of hers over to do a small Passion Party to get the night started off. Those are always fun. Drunk girls giggling over toys. Fun times.

I'll try and post tomorrow with an update if I'm not too hungover but here's a few pictures from the other night. We all went out downtown. Unfortunately, the girls took forever to get ready, so I started drinking, and ended up tanked before we even left.

We got a Fish Bowl at Wando's, which is pretty much what it sounds like, and I ended up basically plastered. I did not have a fun day the next day.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Things that annoy the crap out of me


* when people blow up your phone even though you tell them you will call them back

* slow drivers in the fast lane

* the girl at work who has the most annoying lisp and chooses to sit next to me everyday

* Dora the Explorer. Whoever came up with that cartoon is stupid.

* people who wander away from you at the bar like you don't have anything better to do than look for them

* people that stare

* when people ask me for a cigarette and then don't believe me when I tell them I don't smoke. like everyone in the world smokes or something. Yeah, no thanks.

* my upstairs neighbor who bangs on the floor if we make any noise even though her bratty kid runs back and forth every morning @ 6am and it sounds like we may have to roll out of bed and hit the deck at any given time

* those dumb girls on the Bad Girls Club who think they're hard. Seriously. Sit down.

* the fact that bugs exist

* my management company. there is water leaking from the ceiling. fix it.

* Steven Segal movies and any of those stupid spoof movies. Sorry. Not funny.

* when people touch me. there's no need for it so don't do it. period.

* persistent guys that won't get a clue

* when people talk to me when I'm trying to read. GO AWAY.

OK there's more but I just realized that this list is pretty much an accumulation of how much PEOPLE annoy me.

Hmm. I think I need to work on this. Think Happy thoughts.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

On a power trip

I work in customer service, as I've probably said before, so whenever I go somewhere and the service SUCKS, it really pisses me off.

Last night, Mccants, Kammie, and I were out being crazy and decided we absolutely NEEDED Taco Bell. Now, the last time we went there, if you can remember, Mccants ended up wearing the food, and me and Kammie ended up duking it out in the parking lot.

We're cool peoples.

This time though, we were getting along fine and there wasn't a line around the damn block like there always is on Friday and Saturday nights. I was a little tipsy of course so when we pulled up to order our food, I ended up cussing a little bit every other word. Now, I wasn't cussing AT the guy. I was cussing at the girls and maybeee a little cuss word in between ordering the food.

Stupid Taco Bell guy: can I take your order?
Me: hold on please
Stupid Taco Bell guy: hello? can i take your order?
Me: dude, I said hold on.. what the fuck do you girls want?
Stupid Taco Bell guy: ma'am we aren't going to serve you if you swear
Me: excuse me? I'm not swearing at you dude, what the fuck?
Stupid Taco Bell guy: I warned you not to swear now we aren't serving you
Me: are you serious? OK, I'm sorry, even though this is a free country and I WAS NOT TALKING TO YOU, I'll apologize, can I PLEASE have a ...
Stupid Taco Bell guy: *silence*
Me: hello? hello? HELLO!!!

No fricking answer. I drove up to the window and he looked at me and would not open the window. So because he heard me swear in MY car, he denied me service. So no Taco Bell for us. AGAIN.

Writing this right now, I still can't believe that that happened. Even though it's a stupid .89 cent burrito, I feel that this little twerp needs to be brought down to size. Who does he think he is? The Soup Natzi?

Come on! Utterly ridiculous.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Lions, and Tigers, and Bears! Oh my!

I had another crazy dream last night about animals. If you didn't read the first one, here's the link:

This dream, again, featured a bunch of wild animals fighting. But instead of being in a backyard, we were all in a house. While the other animals were busy fighting, I was being chased by a rat in the bathroom. I'd jump up on the counter, then jump down and run out the door and in through another door, back into the same bathroom. Over and Over and Over. There was this guy directing the fight and all I kept thinking is, "I wish he'd get over here and regulate on this crazy rat!"

So, why the hell am I having these crazy dreams about wild animals fighting? Well, according to an online dream interpreter...

"To see animals in your dream represents your own physical characteristic, primitive desires, and sexual nature, depending on the qualities of the particular animals. Animals symbolizes the untamed and uncivilized aspects of yourself. Thus, to dream that you are fighting with an animal signifies a hidden part of yourself that you are trying to reject and push back into your subconscious. Refer to the specific animal in your dream:"

OK, so the sexual thing obviously makes sense, and I guess I have been repressing it in order to stay sane, so I guess that's true. Here's what the specific animals I've been dreaming about mean:

Antelope: symbolizes your high ambitions will be achieved through a great expenditure of your energy.
I fricking hope so!

Apes: indicates deception, mischievous, and falsehood. You need to calm down. The ape may also refer to your wild inner nature, particularly your sexual nature.
OK this is starting to make a lot of sense! Calm down though? Ya right!

Camel: you are carrying too many problems on your shoulders, you need to forgive and forget
Okkkk I guess that one's self explanatory

Dog: indicates a skill that you have ignored or forgotten, but needs to be activated
I didn't forget how to do it.. I don't think that's possible

Elephant: you need to be more patient or understanding of others. Or there is a memory that you are holding on to for too long. You need to let go of the past. To dream you are afraid of the elephant, suggests that there is an enormous problem that you are afraid to face.
I'll say! 5 months celeb ate was a long damn time!

Gorilla: you may be too "over the top" in your behavior
Ya, that's a given

Hippopotamus: your aggressive in nature, you are territorial and someone may be overstepping boundaries
When aren't people overstepping their boundaries? Better step off!

Lion: You have much influence over others. you need to exercise restraint in your own social life. You must resist the force that is driving you to self-destruction
I'm sensing a pattern here

Rat: you are feeling unworthy. Something you are keeping to yourself is eating you up inside. It denotes repulsion, decay, dirtiness, and even death. It may be a pun for someone who is a rat as well.

Rhinoceros: you need to forge ahead and do not take no for an answer. Be more aggressive.
Ha! Not a problem!

Well, I guess it makes sense now. Everything the dream interperted is pretty much what's going on. Too bad dreams couldn't just say this stuff. Instead, I've got to be chased by rats and 1,000 pound elephants every night.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Having a NON blessed day

This is going to sound really fricking weird but I don't care. I absolutely HATE it when people tell me to "have a blessed day."

When I was younger, Gram decided that we were all going to become Jehovah's Witnesses. Yippee! My parents, even though they did not have custody, made sure that we still got to celebrate holidays and our birthdays, because they felt that rule was taking the whole fanatic thing a little too far. So we were fake Jehovah's Witnesses.

Yeah, I was a cool kid.

Older brother eventually put his foot down and told Gram we weren't going anymore. I mean, it wasn't like we ever showed an interest in it anyway. I mean, how could we? We were kids, and the services lasted 3 hours or more where you had to sit still and listen. Every. Single. Service.

I used these unbelievably boring mornings to catch up on some sleep. Too bad I snored when I was younger. (and no, I don't snore now) Not surprising that I got a lot of glares from the other members. Good times.

But I thank goodness this is America and we have the freedom of religion. My experience with the Jehovah's Witnesses has made me exercise that right to NOT be a religious person. Don't get me wrong, I do believe that there may be something out there that created man, and life and whatever. But I don't know what it is and I definitely do not believe that 144,000 people out of the whole world are going to be saved on Judgement day, and only 144,000. Hmm. Crazy if you ask me.

For people that are religious though, I got nothing against you. Except when you tell me to "Have a blessed day."

I feel like answering, "no thank you."

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Gimme my Cabbage Patch back

2nd post of the day because that earlier one has been making me bigidity all damn day.

Happy Lush! Come out come out wherever you are!

So here's another one to lighten things up a little bit.

In California, a fertility clinic is advertising that they may have found a way to chose the eye, hair, or skin color of babies through in vitro. Yes, it costs $18,000 per try, and no it does not always work, but hey, you could end up with the kid you actually wanted!

Sounds like a plan to me. I know some people would look at this as scary, and unnatural, but who cares? The Jonas brothers are unnatural and people go ape shit for them.

I want a test tube baby. Can I have one for Christmas please? Blond hair, blue eyes, just like me. Technically, I could probably achieve that anyways even without having my baby produced in a lab, but why take chances right?

Maybe even one day we can grow them in a field like the Cabbage Patch Dolls so we don't have to spend 9 months carrying them around. Yes! Having a baby and can still drink. Heaven.

The mind of a crazy person

I've decided I need to take a step back and reevaluate things a little bit. Last night I got a little drunk and flipped out on Robbie. After my horns went back down and I was a little calmer, I realized that 1) I really need to be on some Percosets or Xanax and 2) I am not ready for this level of whatever the hell it is I have with Leo.

It's just so fast. We just ran into each other again. And now we're hanging out, and having marathon sex sessions all over Robbie's house when she's not there (oh ya, haven't posted about that one yet, but I will) and talking every day.

I just don't want to start something with the first guy I've dated since the Ex. I'm not ready, I'm WAY too vulnerable, and he's WAY too nice to mess it up.

So I'm going to take a step back, wait until he gets home, and then him and I are going to have a little talk. If we can't keep it on a purely booty call level for now, then I'm going to have to walk away for awhile, see some other guys, he he, and then maybe reconnect later.

I hate this stuff. I really do. It's so time consuming. Even thinking about it and writing about it on my blog is taking up way more time and effort than it should. This is how they get ya, you know? First it's casual drinks with friends. Then it's the two of you talking every day. And then they're sleeping over. And then you're living together and they're treating you like the old ball and chain.

No way buddy. I'm scrilla straight!

See! Obviously not the mind of a woman who's ready to start ANY sort of relationship with a man

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Taming the attitude

Okay. I am really freaking out here. And for the completely wrong reasons too.

How is it possible that someone is actually being nice to me and treating me with the respect I most definitely deserve and I'm freaking the hell out? Seriously. I can't even process it.

I guess it's kind of like what they say happens to animals after they've been abused or neglected. They shut down, and any act of kindness seems suspicious. Yep, that's me for sure. I'm more likely to take your head off than accept that what your offering is the truth. (Keep in mind, none of this applies to my friends. Besides my family, my friends are the only ones i trust or don't remotely question in any way)

So what to do? Really there is only one logical solution. Try like hell to resist my natural impulses to pull away, lose interest, or attack.

Ya, that's right. I sometimes get the urge to attack. Mostly verbally but you get the picture. When we're in a bar and a guy comes up to me.. well this doesn't happen a lot because as as Robbie says, I have Bitch written across my forehead... but when it does, I usually have some smart ass thing to say to them. And don't even get me started on guys that put there hands on you.


I'm sitting at the bar minding my own business when dude walks up and puts his hand on my arm/back/shoulder

Me: "Woah buddy! Do I know you?
Creepy loser Guy: No
Me: Why the hell is your hand on me then?
Creepy loser guy: I just wanted to say hi
Me: Say hi with your mouth not your hands and I'm not interested so go away
*creepy loser guy stalks away*

I know it takes a lot to approach someone in a bar and come up with a good line so they are interested and blah blah. I understand this. But DO NOT put your hands on me. I HATE it when people touch me. Especially creepy old guys who are old enough to my father and have no business talking to me anyway. Grow up. You're sleazy.

But I think maybe, let's call him Leo, may just be able to handle it. It really takes a strong man to keep up with me and the girls, that's for sure. As he said last night when Robbie and I showed up at the bar, "wow, this is the first time you two haven't come with the whole entourage. Every time I see you I meet at least 7 new people." Ya he's exaggerating a little but what can I say? I got a lot of friends.

But I'm going to try a little experiment and see if maybe I can tame the lioness down and not bolt for the door or tear the gazelles head off. Here's hoping it works.