Thursday, February 26, 2009

Keepin it Real

You know, when I started this blog I did it because I was going through a really bad time in my life and it was really one of the only therapeutic outlets I had available to me.

I mean, let's face it. Even though your friends are there for you, they do get sick of hearing about the Ex all the time. At least on here I can pour my heart out and not give a damn who reads it or not. This is my blog. It's a space for me.

When I told my friends about my blog it was more out of a sense to be proud than anything because seriously, it is pretty cool. I mean, think about it. The blogger community is so random and here it is just all these people from all over sharing their lives with each other and becoming friends over common interests and personalities. That's pretty cool. I was told recently that, "blogging about people is really immature." Do you feel like you're being immature bloggers?

Maybe I shouldn't have ever told anyone I was the author of this but oh well. Sometimes I'm going to write stuff that's embarrassing to me or someone else. sometimes I may rant about a friend and it may piss them off to read it. But everything I write is something I would say to someones face so if you can't handle it then stop reading.

Seriously. I'm not trying to be hurtful or laugh at people or be an ass. I can be sometimes but I admit it when I am.

Something someone said to me at work the other day was, "if you don't like the answer, don't ask the question." So read at your own peril because I don't do sugar coating. I'm not that kind of girl.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Mirrors often lie

I find it fascinating when someone tells me about myself that should be common knowledge. Especially to me. But I guess we can't see ourselves as clear as others can.

I know I have a way of being brutally honest. Trust me. I'm aware of it. But once in awhile, someone will say something to me about my personality or something I said while I was drunk, and if actually still catches me off guard.

Tonight while we were watching Bad Girls Club, Acker (name has been changed due to the request of the individual) pointed out to me that I if it were ever to come to a fight between the two of us, she would win. Well, of course she would because she has more strength. I was having a hard time dealing with this, so she decided to admit to me that, intellectually, I kick ass.

And ya, I am smarter than them, but that's not all she is referring to. I guess I have this way of "bringing people down to size" as she puts it, that is quite fascinating that I had no idea I even do.

Supposedly, I have this way of saying things to individuals that can be sort of bitchy, true, and honest all at the same time. She says sometimes I will say something and not even realize it, and either will the other person until ten minutes after I've finished speaking.

Damn! I was not aware of this. Sometimes I know I can be kind of sarcastic, and of course I know I have a way of talking shit as effectively as possible with as little words necessary to get my point across. But I wasn't aware that it was something that other people knew me for.

Acker says it's my way of intellectually beating ass.

I hate to say it but maybe I'm just hanging around with a bunch of deficient ass bitches. Actually, that last statement just proved her point. Holy shit! I'm an ass sometimes. Crazy.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Back in the Game

Ok. I'm feeling a little less hungover so I am going to try and attempt to write this again.

So dry spell.... yeah...

Well, they other day, I met up with a friend who I hadn't seen since I was 14. We sort of had a thing until he dumped me. My little heart did do a little pitter pat, but then I got over it. Hey, 14 here. Nothing fazed me then.

So, he ended up coming and kicking it the other night and I actually started having little burts of feeling in my tummy.... Then it went away.

Hmmm. Not to be discouraged, I decided to jump back on the horse and try again. So I invited him out with me, Louie, and M to get some drinks and play some darts. Drama ensued of course because my car keys turned up missing and M decided he wanted to disappear into lala land and leave our asses at the bar. Thanks buddy.

Well, that put mister man in the position to drive me home... So drunk as all hell, upset and freaking out, I decided the night could not be a complete waste, and let him stay over.

I must say.. Congratulations to me on grabbing the bull by the horns and getting back into the game!

There is one small little problem though... The man is feeling me and i'm not, in any way possible, going to get into a relationship with anyone. Sorry. Just not the right time to be held down I guess. Try back in another 9 years.

I'm just plain wrong sometimes. At least i'm aware of it though.
Ok.. I have this great post that I need to write but i'm hella hungover and I can't get it right. So im going to do it later. But I am going to say one thing...

THE DRY SPELL IS OVER!!! be continued

Monday, February 23, 2009

Peace offering

What is the protocol for remaining friends with an ex? Is there one? I don't usually remain friends with any of my exes. One of the reasons is probably because most of them turned out to be asses that treated me like crap. Or, it could be that I still subconsciously have feelings for them, whether good or bad.

Either way, I really am not able to stay friends with an ex. Or at least not right away. I was on Myspace earlier and you know how on the sidebar there is a box of people that "you may know" who are friends with people you're friends with? Well, this morning A popped up. Let's call him Wasi. He was my ex before my recent Ex. We dated for almost a year and a half. (Not sure if I've gone into this before but a year and a half is my curse. I have never gotten over this mark with anyone) Things were good in the beginning. We were young and beautiful and both loved to party hard.

Unfortunately that is not a good basis for a relationship and things fell apart. The partying started to come first before each other and we ended up getting violent sometimes. Now, I know most girls blame everything on a guy. And yes, he was in the wrong when he put his hands on me, but I am no princess and I admit that I have a huge temper and am as guilty as him.

After we broke up, I had a lot of feelings still for him. Both good and bad. But as time has passed, you grow up and realize that not everyone is right for you. It just wasn't right. Shit happens. Move on.

And I finally feel that I have. So today, I saw him on Myspace and sent him a message. Last time we talked, I had texted him asking about a mutual friend. His new GF had texted me back and told me I should be ashamed of myself for texting her man when I have my own! Crazy ass girl. We're not allowed to communicate? Whatever. So I dropped it and didn't try to contact him again.

My e-mail today went like this:

i know its been a minute but I just wanted to say hi and see how you are. I hope that's OK. I don't want to step on any toes or anything.
"Woody" invited me to come see Jess and Thay when they were here but I didn't feel right knowing you and Vienna were there. And I don't want it to be like that. We dated. It didn't work. We're adults, let's move on.
So.. how about it? can we be friends or at least civil? (ooh, look at me being all mature.. :) he he)

So? Good? Not good? It's not like I really even care but I woke up this morning in a good mood, saw him and decided to extend an olive branch. If he writes back, cool. If not, then it's really no skin off my back. (that's a stupid saying but I couldn't think what else to put there)

Oh, and bad news about the stripper tomorrow. We had invited him to Bad Girls Club but we all seem to have went a little nuts on our spending this weekend and don't have enough. Oh well, as Scarlet always says, "tomorrow is always another day."

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Falling down the rabbit hole

Two posts today but I wanted to write about these crazy dream I've been having. I'm still in a little pain so sometimes I wake up and take a Vicodin. And they have been giving me some crazy dreams.

One night I dreamt that I was in a fenced backyard with a bunch of animals. Lions, tigers, bears, monkeys.. you get the picture. And in the other backyard was an elephant. Everything was copacetic until the elephant decided to jump over the fence. Then all hell was set loose. The other animals started going crazy and biting each other and running around. And I was pushed into the fence. I was completely freaked out that I was going to get crushed and woke myself up.

Then another night, I had a dream that I was a part of a huge Cartel. I was married to T.I. the rapper and he was the BOSS. For some reason, I told on him and hid out in the tunnel connecting the house from the business. I even had this feeling in my stomach as I was sleeping that I was going to get caught and oh my god he can't find out. I woke up and actually believed I was dating him. I looked at "Robbie" and was about to ask her where he was. I guess this dream was a little like season fours season finale of Weeds. Except I was me, not Nancy of course, and the tunnel didn't lead to Mexico.

I had another dream where I was kidnapped and woke up in a barn where people were doing inappropriate things to cows but I won't go into that. It was too weird and I bet Freud would have a field day with it.

So moral of the story: Don't take pain meds before bed cause you'll end up in the rabbit hole like in Alice in Wonderland.

Pop goes the feeling

So you know how I've completely lost interest in the opposite sex? No? Well I do.

I was at "Robbie's" the other night and I must have been delusional or something because I actually started missing the Ex. Yeah, LAME! So I took a sleeping pill and knocked my ass out, and woke up in reality. Mmmm much better.

But for the smallest moment this weekend, I had two little bursts if interest pop up in my stomach and for a second I actually thought about it. I was so happy to be feeling something again that I was almost dizzy with it.

But, then it went away. I am a little discouraged by this but not too much. I really don't want a boyfriend anyway. Seriously. I sat at home and watched the UFC fights last night and painted my toe nails, and to me, that's heaven. Don't need a man interrupting my heaven anyway. (oh, and I was really disappointed in Joe "daddy" Sevenson. He got his a$$ kicked. This is ultimate fighting . NOT BOXING. Use your legs too buddy)

I was reading a post today from Little Fish at where she writes about her perfect man. Here's mine:

Taller than me but not too tall. Dark hair and blue eyes. Gorgeous cocky smile. Good sense of humor. Doesn't tell me what to do. Gives me just enough space. Trustworthy. Honest.. to a point. (a little lying never hurt nobody) Interesting and creative. Has a job and a car. (no more of this dating men who are losers) loves my family even though they are crazy and loud and sometimes drive you nuts. Loves my friends and respects that they come first. Smart, but not smarter than me. Likes to go out and stay at home. Doesn't mind if I'm lazy sometimes but can handle me when my ADD is off the wall. Good fashion sense. No stupid ex-girlfriends who buzz around trying to cause trouble! (This is the biggest thing here. I am tired of men who think its flattering to have women fight over them. Please! If we did that we'd be cussed out. Grow up)

So I'm sure there could be more but basically this is just a overview. I'm not saying that I have to have someone exactly like this. Obviously no one is perfect and this is not a fantasy land. BUT wouldn't it be cool if it was?

Monday, February 16, 2009


I just couldn't help myself. I had to forward this on. I was just browsing through Craigslist and happened to click on the FREE link. I know there's never anything good in there but hey, I'm bored.

This is the first post, marked free ex-woman:

Free. Future Ex Girlfriend. Everything a man is not looking for in a relationship. If you enjoy Sex Forget it. She will kindly remind you that your not gonna get it and you better not get it from anyone else. As a Bonus you will get Constant arguments. You will also feel like Number one in the relationship because you will be the only one with the problem's.forget about speaking your mind or having a opinion because you lost that right also. If this is your type of woman then feel free to take her at any time..She also come with ton's of baggage that no one else wants to deal with..This package won't last long act fast!!

Woah. That one HAS to hurt.

Impatient as hell

I am in serious pain. Why? Because I'm an idiot and I can't seem to allow my self time to heal like normal people. I blame it on the A.D.D. I really do. If I even miss taking my Ritilin a day, it's like a crackhead without their fix. I can't even sit still. And the worse part is, people notice.

Saturday night was Kelso's last day before she is shipped off to the army. (Why do people want to do this? I seriously don't understand but I guess that's just me) So me, Mitch, and Kayla met up with Woody, her BF, and Kelso of course for a few drinks at the Crave.

Once the DJ came on I just could not sit still so of course I was up on the dance floor. Unfortunately I woke up yesterday with my stomach feeling like it did the day after surgery. I ran out of Vicodin but I had the prescription in my purse but just got it filled this morning. So pain all day yesterday, pain all last night, and pain all this morning.

I called the doctor on call last night to make sure I didn't fuck that shit up completely and they said I might have ripped the glue (yeah, they didn't use stitches, they glued me back together internally, creepy huh?) or I just might be sore. But today the pain is like burning. Like someone is holding a hot poker to the inside of my stomach.

Nice huh? Yeah I'm a retard. But I'm not the kind of person who sits on their ass and allows themselves time to heal. Again, I have A.D.D. like a muther and I have too much going on. I walked around with a broken toe for a year for god sakes. Don't have time to be a baby.

If it doesn't get better by tomorrow I'll go to the doctor. I swear. I was planning on stepping up my workouts but I'm glad that I haven't. If I can be this hurt from just dancing, I don't even want to know how I'd feel after a really good workout. It's going to be spring soon. Heal already dammit!!!

On another note.. I was sort of freaking about stupid valentine's day. Worrying if I wouldn't have anything to do. But me and Mitch went shopping and ended up at Pedro's for some Margs with Louie, Katy, and Kayla. And he even got me a rose to make sure I had something for valentine's. What a nice friend huh? I think so.

Friday, February 13, 2009

The view from the other side

Mmmm mmmm mmmm... That's all I have to say about last night. God Damn!!~!!

We went to the local gay bar for Stripper Night and they had a new stripper, Giovanni. God fucking damn he was hot. He gave me a lap dance and I enjoyed the view so much I asked him for a private show.

The girls freaked out because I was actually bold enough to take off with him. Katy came too and it was definitely worth it. Unfortunately, I have been so deprived of sex and the company of any man I deem sexually worthy that when boy got up and personal I actually grunted.

Yeah you heard that right. GRUNTED. He laughed and asked me if I had actually done that but at least he thought it was cute.

We might hire him for a Bad Girls Club night which I think may be a little too off the chain. Him + us girls + alone in my crib = a rape situation waiting to happen.

Just playing. If that was ever the case, I'd throw the rest of the bitches out, even Kammie even though it's her house, and keep him all to myself.

Yum Yum like bubble gum.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Still a little girl

One of my favorite shows is Nip/Tuck. Robbie and I used to watch the first season religiously but we sort of fell off on season two and then I've only tuned in since then sporadically. But I have gotten into watching it again this season and have started renting the previous seasons from the library to get caught up.

(I have trouble sleeping at night so I like to rent movies and shows from the library to watch while I'm laying in bed trying to sleep.)

Last night was one of these nights and I was watching the season finale of season two. If you're not familiar, during season two there is a killer named the Carver going around slicing up people's faces while they sleep and in this episode christian wakes up to find the Carver standing over him and ends up getting cut as well.

I love this show but man do I hate shit like this. One of my biggest fears of all time is waking up and finding some crazy stranger in my room or my house. Seriously. I know almost everyone worries about this at one point and time, but I worry about this EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT.

I know it's crazy but I can't even sleep with my window open. My paranoia about this is almost getting to be as bad as my fear of bugs.

Yeah I know, a lot of people are afraid of bugs. But this is almost out of control. Truthfully I would probably be the best exterminator in the whole world if I wasn't so afraid of them. I can spot a bug almost anywhere. Truthfully, it's the first thing I do when I walk in a room. My eyes are constantly aware of black specs and little moving things.

And yes, I'm aware I can be a little excessive and I have been told this many times by many different people but I really don't care. They're nasty and creep me the hell out.

And the warmer it gets outside the more freaked I get. I haven't seen any this winter but you know those suckers are out in the summer with their little pinchers, and numerous legs. YUCK!

Hmm. OK I think I just crossed over into crazy. Back to reality.

So anyhoo... the window.. creepy stalker crazy people... yeah that's really reality right?

I think this is something I'll bring up in therapy on Friday. Yeah, I think that's a great idea.

Friday, February 6, 2009

Juke it out

I have been a little absent again lately. I went to work on sunday, asked to take 30 mins to lay down and take a pain pill and ended up sleeping for 3 hours. So I obviously needed some more rest. So another week off of work. Really using up all of that PTO right off the bat aren't I?

And I haven't exactly been being good either. Tuesday was bad girls club night of course so I had all the girls over to eat sushi, drink wine and laugh our asses off at that shit.

Afterwards, me, Kammie, and Kayla went out to the bar to have a little fun. Which turned into bad girls club for real! Here I am making out with the bartender...

And ya, if you've noticed the grey hair, you would be correct. He was a little older. Hmmm... can we say drunk goggles?

Then we were all in a great mood laughing and having a great old time...

And yes, I know I look like I downed a whole bottle..

Somehow, me and Kammie decided to start arguing about god knows what. And the next thing I know, we are japping out in Taco Bells parking lot. Beat the shit out of each other.

How did this happen when we look so happy earlier in the evening? Who knows.
But to diffuse the situation, I decided we should do some beer bongs when we got home and call it even. And so we did.

They should really follow us around with a camera and call it bad girls club. It'd definitely be more real.