Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Few and far between

When I started my blog I used it as a way to get through a broken heart, and vent a lot of frustrations that my friends frankly, were tired of listening to. I have pretty much mended my broken heart and am now stronger than I ever was. So thank you bloggers for helping me get over all that crap.

But now I find myself in a little pickle. I definitely want to keep blogging, and I will, but I am so unbelievably busy now with school, friends, working out and getting hotter and hotter every day, and getting to know the Ex again, that I haven't had a lot of time to write. And i've been a little low on ideas too.

I could write about the Ex and our always dramatic relationship, but that's not always interesting to people. And my blog isn't exacly private so anything I write can be read by anyone, and a lot of it is not anyone's business. Especially nosy ex-girlfriends who have no life, and are obsessed.

This weekend Kammie and I are throwing a big party for the fireworks which is put on at a park right down the street from my house. I will post again after that and let you all know if I get arrested or not.

Until then, stay real. Love ya lots.


Wednesday, June 17, 2009


Wow, I've been kind of M.I.A the last week but I've had so much going on. I started these two new classes and I've been freaking out. One of them is American Government and the other is Teaching Math to Elementary students. American Government is not really my favorite subject, but I have wanted to touch up my knowledge recently in light of Obama's election. I thought I understood government and how it works, but I often find myself a little lost when people start going off about the state of the nation. So American Government, not a problem.

The other class though.... not so much. My math education has been lame at best, and I literally went cross-eyed when reading the first few paragraphs. But I decided to chill the hell out, sit down, focus and actually absorb the information, and I actually understood it. I don't think it's ever been a problem of understanding the material (except for geometry. That shit makes no sense), it's really just an issue of not caring about the material. And since I don't care, it takes me that much longer to do it. I wrote both of my 2,000 word final papers for my last semester classes in one day. And I got and A and a B.

But I'm an idiot when it comes to math so I have to spend twice as long working on it. This is going to be a really fun summer! So not as many blogs because really, who wants to hear about how lame my life is? Friday night at home studying math! Not really.

*sigh* back to work....

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Laying down the law

I wrote this last night when I was drunk….

Reality is harsh. Delusions are easier to deal with than what is going on around you. You try to look for the good in people, but sometimes you just have to admit it might not be there. You can only be who you are, and if the people around you can’t cut it, then they aren’t good enough for you.

I recently was tested as to whether the words I just stated were pretty thoughts in my head, or words I actually live by. I am happy to report that I surprised even myself.

A situation came up that has happened before. I used to do whatever it took to make things copacetic, even if it meant being submissive; but no more. And never again. I stood my ground, and am very proud. I'm not going to go into details except this....

To a certain person I say: Drugs and alcohol are not an excuse to treat people like shit. I know; I’ve been there and I’ve come out the other side a better person. There is more to life than living like this. You still have so much to learn and experience. I am not holding anything against you, but nor will I allow myself to be treated this way ever again. Alcohol or not.

I deserve the best there is and will not settle for anything less. I am not the same person I was. That person was never who I really am. It’s nice to finally meet you though. I really do hope you can be the person I know you can be so I can continue knowing you into the future. Otherwise, good luck and good wishes in all that you do.


Me xoxo

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus

As long as I live I think men and women will never understand each other. We try of course but it is a losing battle. Frankly, I don’t understand people in general. Let me amend that… I don’t understand SOME people. And I don’t understand SOME men.

Especially the Ex.

I text him on my way home last night and we made plans to hang out today. I wanted to see him, but he had some friends over and I was tired, so no big deal right? Right.

I passed out around 1 and was dead asleep when my phone went off around 2:30. It was him and he wanted to come over. Even though I was sleeping, I told him the back door was open and to let himself in.

He showed up around 3:30 drunk. Again… no big deal. I got out of bed so that we could talk for a bit, but I was exhausted and ready to go back to sleep. He came in my room, strips, and laid down. Next thing I know, his mouth is wide open, he’s taking up more than half the bed and he is SNORING!!! I can handle a lot of stuff, but I don’t do snoring.

I was sleeping so well before he came over too.
I tried waking him up. I tried rolling him over.
I tried pinching his nose and mouth so he’d stop breathing and wake up. NOTHING!

I couldn’t get back to sleep, so I tried to sleep on the couch. The cat litter smelled and I was too lazy to clean it at 4 am, so I tried going back in my room. I turned the fan on and put a pillow on his face.

Silence finally! I kept thinking he was going to suffocate or something though. I weighed the pros and cons of risking it against getting some much needed sleep. I left the pillow on his face….

Just kidding! I’m not a total bitch. I moved the pillow so it was off his mouth and nose but still laying against his face blocking his noise a little. I finally slept. And then overslept. He was supposed to be at work at 9 am, and after realizing that I had been pressing the snooze button for over an hour, I realized that it was 8:50.

He never even heard the stupid alarm going off for an hour! And he had the audacity to look at me like, “why’d you press snooze so long!”

I have allergies and my head feels like it’s going to explode in the mornings. If he wouldn’t have come over I could have had at least 2-3 more hours of sleep, and I wouldn’t feel like castrating someone today.

Really? What was the point of this? I enjoy a good booty call just as much as the next person and I love the kid to death but come on! You’d have to have patience of steel not to roll him off the bed and let his comatose ass sleep on the floor! Am I right or am I right?

Monday, June 8, 2009



No, I am not talking about what you think I am talking about…

First, I have been on this weight loss goal for the last 6 months and I am happy to report… Score!

I went to the doctor last week and I have lost 40 pounds. 40 pounds people!!!! That’s like a 10 year old being extracted from my ass! Unfortunately my pants actually look like I’ve dropped 40 pounds in them, and I feel like I’m swimming in them. Shopping trip!

Second, Kammie decided to have a little bar-b-que last week at our crib. I had already invited the Ex when Robbie and a few of my other friends informed me they were on their way. I warned them that I had invited the Ex, as it is MY HOUSE, and they said they were cool with it.

I was so nervous that gauntlets were going to be thrown down or something, but everything went pretty great. The Ex even brought his Wii over; which I had never played before. Bowling Rocks!

Robbie could not reign herself in all night unfortunately and ended up pouting (I’m not even kidding! The girl sat on the couch and frowned at me). Why? Because the Ex and I accidentally call each other pet names still and we don’t even notice it. It annoyed her. Whatever.

I am still pleased with the situation because my friends obviously understood that it was important to me. (I can’t hold it against Robbie. She means well) Score!

And lastly…. Weeds is on tonight!!!! Triple Score!!!!!

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Waking up laughing

I woke up laughing in my sleep this morning. It was seriously the weirdest thing ever. I wasn't even aware I was doing it until the Ex nudged me and asked what was so funny. (Yes, the Ex was over.. hehe shhhh)

I was dreaming that I was on this trip to Chicago with friends and people from school or something. The girl whose mother was driving (we were in our 20s I think but for some reason this girls mom drove us, don't ask) was a real Ice Queen and I just could not stand her. So when we got to Chicago we ditched them and took off for this mall. Next thing I remember is eating Sbarro in the food court with the Ex. Since we didn't have a ride home, we all jumped on a bus. I got there late and noticed my bags weren't anywhere to be found. I started freaking out because my book was in one of my bags, and there is no way I was going to drive 3 hours to Madison without anything to read. The next thing I know though, after like a 15 minute fit, was opening my eyes and seeing that we were in Madison. I had slept all the way there. (This is all a dream just to recap) And then I started laughing because I threw such a fit and then slept the whole way home anyway.

But I was laughing in real life too. Weird. I've never done that before. It just threw me off guard a little. The Ex already thinks I'm nuts so I don't worry what he thinks. How embarrassing that would have been though if that was a guy that I barely knew!


Speaking of the Ex. We still have a few kinks to work out with this whole being friends thing. We got in our first argument last night. Not good. (We made up though) We are trying this whole being honest with each other thing. When we dated, one of our main problems was trust. But when you're friends with someone, and sleeping with them too, where do you draw the line? For instance, he admitted to me that he had slept with this one girl, who I know by the way and don't approve of. But frankly, it's none of my business. He can't judge me on who I date, so why should I with him?

Sounds reasonable right? Yeah, if you're thinking logically. But when it comes to situations like this, who really thinks logically. So I guess I got a little judgemental, and he got a little offended.

He says that he likes that I am the only girl he feels comfortable telling this stuff too. That's great and all but I am not one of the guys. It's super cool that he thinks of me this way, but I'm only human, and have an ugly green monster just like any other girl. Even if we are just friends.

So where do you draw the line? I think I am going to go live in the woods or something and talk to animals. That would be much easier. Don't you think? (oh, I forgot about the bugs. Scratch that)

Monday, June 1, 2009

Bring on the Zen

I have been on this whole "Zen" kick lately. It feels so much better to be happy instead of bitchy or angry at people. But there are just some times when no matter how hard you try, you just end up in a bad mood. My job is the main example.

I talk to people all day and I try to stay upbeat but some people are just rude, mean, and severely lacking in manners. Ever seen the movie 7 pounds with Will Smith? In the beginning he's on the phone with Woody Harrelson, who is a blind man working at a call center selling meat. Will completely goes off on him and insults him to no end. In my profession we are taught that the customer is not directly mad at us as people, but with the situation. But that is not always true. Some of the people are just plain mean and looking to make you feel bad about yourself. In these situations I really just want to snap out. WTF is wrong with these people?

Then I come into work today, almost late since I have the flu (thanks to my friends who were all sick and insisted they weren't contagious anymore) and almost slept through my alarm. There's a table set up with all of this food on it, and two big signs stating that it's two of the girls who work here's birthday, but you can only help yourself if you are invited to. This is literally what the signs say. I don't really give a crap because I brought lunch, but #1- How fricking rude and #2- the table is set up in the middle of the floor so I have to sit here, (all sick mind you) and smell the food they have over there. And some of it is pretty strong and rank.

I think I just need a new job or something. I had a panic attack the other day and I can't figure out why. My grandma has had them her whole life and I seriously don't want them. She has so much stress that she gets them quite frequently. I'm straight on that. So I'm starting the search now....


On another note, I hung out with the Ex this weekend and it was quite fun. It feels great that we can actually chill and be friends without all the fighting and jealousy involved. When we dated and weren't fighting we'd have the best times. We never run out of things to talk about and I've really missed that. We went to my girl G's birthday bar-b-Que and it was pretty chill and laid back. I spent a lot of time talking to Ex of course but he got along good with most of my friends which is cool. And if you're wondering if there are any sparks there.... I can report that of course there are. There always will be. But I don't want a relationship with anyone. So we're both happy just being friends. I'm sure I'll marry him in like 10 years but until then...


Thursday, May 28, 2009


*Day two of the contact on my windshield. I’m going to wait and see how long it takes to fall off. I know it’s just the most random thing ever.

Speaking of random…. I went out to SP last night to watch Robbie’s co-workers play volleyball at the bowling alley. (Yeah, we do that in WI) It was actually pretty fun except for the fact that my Ex from like 7 years ago was there with the girl he cheated on me with. She looks the same and he’s gained like 60 pounds! How random is it that after all these years, I run into them at a small town bowling alley of all places? I didn’t say hi of course. That wouldn’t have been fun. Instead I made sure to remain amazingly funny all night, had a blast, and completely ignored their presence. I mean, it’s not like we like each other or anything.

Then I met up with Louie and went out to a bar in Madison. We met this girl named Kelly and as we’re talking to her this creepy old ass guy walks up and starts hitting on her. When I say old I mean old. Like 60 or 70 years old. RANDOM! I asked her if she knew him and she had no idea. Louie of course stood up for her and this is what happened:

L: I’m sorry but do you know her?
Creepy: No (Opens his mouth and grins with these bigger than ever yellow dentures)
Then why are you talking to her? I don’t mean to be rude but do you mind?

At this point I stopped listening because I knew Louie could handle the situation. Creepy wanted a confrontation though and started getting in her face. I could not believe this. This old ass dude. I was not having this, especially after he fell into me.

Me: Excuse me! My friend asked you nicely to leave her alone. Are you deficient?
Creepy: You can’t talk to me like that I own this bar
Me: I don’t give an F*CK! Don’t talk to her like that
Creepy: I’m going to throw you guys out
Me: Who cares?
Creepy: Shut up fatty! (At this point I about punched this guy in the face. Senior citizen or not this guy almost got decked)
Me: Are you serious? You smell old. We can smell the formaldehyde coming out of your pores! If you don’t get out of my face…..

Then I was dragged away by Louie and like 2 guys because she knew shit was about to hit the fan. How random was that? This guy was like holding on to his AARP card and hitting on 20 years olds! I seriously thought I had seen it all.

And for the record: he didn’t own the place. He was just some creepy drunk. RANDOM!

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

A whole lotta nothing

I'm bored so I don't care if I don't have anything to say; I'm going to rant anyway. Deal with it.

*I can't understand why people call customer service and say that they are going to sue me. Seriously. I collect my paycheck on the 15Th and last day of the month and that's pretty much all I care about dude. Ooh, you're not scaring anyone.

*Ever since Grey's went off the air and summer looms near, I lose all interest because I just want to watch some good TV. Is that too much to ask? Thank god Weeds comes on June 8Th. I've ran out of things to read, there's no good TV on, and boredom is not a good thing for me.

*I know this is going to sound really shallow but I don't care. I was in the break room today and yet another person commented on my weight loss. Yeah! I'm not gloating but I am congratulating myself... and then kicking myself for letting it get that bad in the first place. Never again.

*I hate going to the bathroom in public places. It's so weird. Every time I'm at work and go to the bathroom, there's like 5 people in there. I don't mind when it's my friends but otherwise it freaks me out. I have no idea why.

*I came home the other day and there was a spider in my bed. I know, useless information but if I'm sitting here rambling then I have to add that one in. You know how I feel about bugs.

*I get these pains in my stomach all the time and I swear that I can tell when something bad is going to happen. One night someone robbed something from me and all day I was anxious and couldn't figure out why. And then BAM! It happens all the time. Maybe I'm gifted. (haha, special gifted right?)

*I have this really annoying habit of checking the time on my phone about every other second of the day. Even though there is a clock on my computer in front of me, I still find it necessary to check the time on my phone. And of course that makes the day go by that much slower but I can't help it. Does anyone else do this?

*I've seen twilight like 50 times. And I've read each of the books so many times I don't even know. I don't know why but I re-read them all the time. I used to do that with Harry Potter but now it's Twilight. My brain never stops, and I find it relaxing to focus my thoughts on reading instead of all the other stuff in there. But I run out of things to read, so I re-read things. Over and over again. Am I neurotic?

*I have no idea how this happened but I noticed there was a contact on my windshield today when I went to lunch. A contact! It was raining. Maybe it fell from the sky? God's nearsighted???

*I am actually starting to prefer the taste of Miller Light to Leinie's! Oh no, I'm going to hell. Did I actually just say that? Spite me down because I think I just did.

So I know this is a lot of rambling about nothing but it seems my A.D.D. is a little out of control. Thank goodness work is almost over and I can go work out all this energy on the elliptical.


Trailer Barbie

I have been having a block the last couple of days so instead of a full post, I'm just going to leave you with this....

Don't I look like Trailer Barbie???

Monday, May 25, 2009

She always makes me smile

For being broke I actually had an OK weekend. The lamest part about it is that today's Memorial Day and I'm at work while it's beautiful outside. It's not even busy here but of course, there's those few people that have to call about some stupid gift card, or they lost their debit card for the 100Th time. So someone has to be here to answer those calls. Lucky me, I'm one of them.

I got to see my Pickle this weekend and I thought I'd share a few pictures of how cute she is. Her hair is so long now.

At least her pictures put a smile on my face. She's going to be a force of nature when she gets older. Every time she sees someone she says, "hi" in the cutest voice, and everyone just melts.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Lets be clear

I am seriously deficient. I know I can be really blond and it's nothing new but this really made me laugh and I had to share this with you. A couple of weeks ago I was laying around at Robbie’s house waiting for her to get home. I woke up from a nap and decided to put my contacts in. One of them felt like there was something still in it, so I took it back out and was going to wash it out again.

To be fair, I have to explain how I misunderstood. When I first started using contacts the doctor told me it’s not good to use different solutions. So that stuck in my head. I started using Opti-free replenish as the doctor recommended. But I got an infection in my left eye, and decided to switch.

My mom recommended using Clear Care because it has Hydrogen peroxide and cleans your contacts better. OK, I thought I’d try it. So on this day, I had been using this stuff for only a couple of days. Instead of reading the directions like a normal person, I just went ahead and followed what my mom said. “Put the contacts in the case, which is more like a basket than the regular flat contact cases, and make sure to leave them in for 6 hours.”

Ok, I can do that. I’m not retarded. Or so I thought. So when I had to re-rinse the lens, I reverted back to what the doctor said about not mixing the solutions. I took the Clear Care bottle and rinsed out my lens.

Holy loving mother of God did that hurt. I literally screamed like that kid on Home Alone and couldn’t get the stupid thing out! Rizzy ended up coming home and found me bawling like a baby. She got it out for me, bless her amazing heart, but my eye was seriously F-U-CKED up. And it was the left eye to top it off; the one I keep having problems with. My eye healed after a day or so but that experience definitely left a lasting impression.

So today I had put my contact in backwards, (the left one of course), my eye got all red and irritated again. A lady at work was asking me what kind of solution I use, so I Googled it and showed her the site.

Best part of the whole thing is that, as the site says, “One of the first things that tells you that Clear Care is different is the red ring around the bottle top. This “safety collar” is there as a reminder to you the Clear Care can burn or sting your eyes if you don’t use it the right way.”

What?! I just thought that stupid thing was a child seal or something.

“Never rinse lenses with Clear Care prior to inserting lenses into your eyes. Clear Care is a powerful cleaning and disinfecting solution that will burn and sting your eyes unless neutralized properly.”

Wow. I am really lame. I should learn how to read directions. You would think I would have learned my lesson when I was 17 and cooked a pizza in the oven with the cardboard still underneath. We had to stand around and eat it off the cardboard with forks.

I’m special.

The best day ever!!!!

You know those mornings where you wake up and the sun is shining, the birds are chirping, and you just can’t wait to get up and face the day? Yeah, today was not one of those mornings.

I woke up with the worst headache ever, probably due to the fact that the stupid birds wouldn’t shut up outside all fricking night, and I downed like ten different kinds of alcohol last night. I rolled out of bed and tried to get ready as fast as possible so I could run to moms and steal some Excedrin Migraine again. (It’s the only thing that helps and I’m too cheap to buy it myself. Stealing from mom is much more cost efficient).

I ended up puking in the sink while I was brushing my teeth. I hit my head on the wall in the shower after the neighbor turned on her water which caused mine to turn ice cold, and I left the house with no underwear on. (Not intentionally)

With 15 minutes to go before I had to be to work and still not at moms yet, I got stuck behind a guy on a lawnmower, couldn’t see because there was something in my contact and I realized my gas was on empty.

I ended up clocking in to work only a few minutes late but then I spent 10 minutes in the bathroom, which I’ll have to make up later, trying to figure out what was wrong with my contact. I had it in backwards.

So now here I sit with no underwear on, starving because I forgot to eat last night when I was drunk and didn’t have time to this morning, and I’m not even sure if I have enough gas to make it to the gas station after work.

Hmmm. I wonder if I’ve done anything wrong lately to deserve all of this. Ha! Silly rabbit. Of course I have.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Holy shit! It can be done

So you know how I said it was impossible for me to be friends with an ex? Well I still hold to that mostly, but there can be amendments to that I believe. I know the next thing I say is going to sound very strange, especially since I talk mad shit about him on a regular basis, but I think I made cool with the Ex. Well, at least as cool as we ever are.

I know I said I wasn’t going to call him, and I didn’t, but I did send him a text letting him know that I apologize for being rude on the phone; he just shocked the shit out of me. I also said that I was happy and wasn’t interested in playing any games so…

I guess he was out of minutes so he called me back to see what I had said. Surprisingly, we actually had a nice conversation, free of all the hatred and bullshit we used to pull on each other in the past. It was like having a normal conversation. Ha! Seriously. Like before we moved in with each other and things went to shit.

He asked if I wanted to meet up and talk. Dum Dum Dum! I was a little tipsy and thought what the hell. I like to live dangerously. So I met up with him to see what he had to say.

He looks exactly the same and I look completely different. Better of course. So much better than it was nice to see the appreciation in his eyes, even though he’s always loved the way I look no matter what.

Ok, back to reality. We talked. Nobody went to jail or the emergency room, no one confessed their undying love (well, of course there’s still love but not undying or anything), and frankly, I feel relieved. Like a boulder has been lifted off my shoulders. We both apologized for all the horrible things we’ve done to each other, and agreed that we went about a lot of things the wrong way.

It was like having a grown up conversation. Weird. At one point he did ask me what I would do if he broke up with the Bitch, and wanted me back….

I smiled sweetly at him, put a hand on his knee and said, “Ex, I love you, I will always love you, but you are a horrible boyfriend and I will NEVER date you again. I don’t want to date anyone, but I definitely won’t date you. I mean here you are, sitting here with me, and your girlfriend has no idea where you are. I remember those days of sitting at home wondering where you were, and frankly, she can have the job.”

So all in all, I am optimistic that I can actually be friends with an ex. If it doesn’t happen and he reverts back to his bullshit ways, or I never hear from him again, cool beans, but at least I was adult enough to try.

Wow. I really feel like doing a beer bong or flashing someone right now; something immature to balance everything out. I am a firm believer in balancing things out if you couldn’t tell.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Teachers and beer bongs don't mix

For an assignment for school I am supposed to find a few court cases against teachers, and give my opinion on the outcomes. I need one more and can not find it on the stupid library database so I googled it. (Hey, google is the SHIT)

I came across this article that talks about a student teacher being denied her degree because of a picture of her on her Myspace page. The argument is that she is promoting underage drinking because she has a pirate hat on, is holding a can of beer, and the quote for the photo states, “drunken pirate.”

Ok, I understand that schools have to be careful of whom they hire, and that teachers have to be above reproach inside of school as well as out. But I think this is a little ridiculous. Nowhere is she “promoting” underage drinking. She’s obviously a grown adult enjoying a damn beer. People are too uptight.

The article then goes on to say how you should be careful of everything that you put on the internet because chances are it will never go away. This got me a little worried. You know, I’m going to school to be a teacher. If anyone ever reads my Myspace or even this blog I doubt I’d ever get hired.

I don’t think any school board would find beer bongs and apple pie shots adequate above-approach behavior.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Jizz in my pants??

Thursday night I went out with my friends to Pedro's on the West side. The boys were back from Virginia so we wanted to go out. Ended up meeting up with B and her boy. I actually did karaoke. Not fun I might add. It's much more enjoyable to watch I think than get up and sing. Which is probably pretty weird for me because I usually enjoy being the center of attention.

But the night ended up @ Robbie's and I had to best time I've had in 4-ever. Damn, I thought I was funny but B is a funny ass bitch. The two of us couldn't stop encouraging each other and I'm sure everyone was fucking amazed with what we were talking about.

For example, she started talking about this video where they Jizz in their pants! I thought she was talking about some sex ed video or some shit. No. She was talking about this....

She was never allowed to watch cable growing up. See what you do when you deprive your kids? They end up watching shit like this! Good job.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Just a quick laugh

I know I posted today but I have to write this quick before I forget. I always think of these funny ass ideas to write about and I always forget them.

So I work in Customer Service and I swear people say the funniest shit to me every fricking day! Case in point:

I was talking to this older lady today about her credit card. She wanted to dispute a transaction from some computer security program. The call ended up lasting over 20 minutes where she finally realized that the transaction was valid and she had renewed her subscription with this company. (I leave work everyday with a sore jaw because I spend all day wasting my breath on conversations like this.)

During our conversation she went off on this long spiel about how she had to call this company and of course she had to speak to someone in India because everyone is cheap and outsourcing. And god knows you can never understand those people, she says, so she doesn't even want to speak to them and pay this charge.

Then, she goes off on how the program doesn't work anyway and it's supposed to keep her computer safe but doesn't.... SO SHE MIGHT AS WELL WRAP 10 CONDOMS AROUND IT TO KEEP IT SAFE FOR GOD SAKES!

This woman was in her 70s! I couldn't believe that she said that. I get elderly people who bitch and moan and complain about everything under the sun, but referring to condoms is a new one for me. People are great.

The future for Madison Lush

God it's gorgeous outside. I've decided that I don't feel like working anymore. Ever. So, what should I do about money????

Good question that has an excellent answer! This guy I know was talking about how this girl got SSI for being stupid. Are you serious? People are getting paid for being stupid? I can do that.

I went to the SSI website to do a little research. Much better than doing my homework, don’t ya think?

But really, what are the requirements for receiving disability? The website states that you have to have a disability whether it is mental or medical. OK, we’re good so far. I always have some sort of medical problem. I’m sure they are looking for something long term, and with my luck I’ll have the Swine Flu before the month is out.

Even without a medical disability, I am more than a shoe in when it comes to the mental department. All I’d have to do is walk in to the competency interview and show them all the meds in my purse. The thing sounds like a baby rattle when you shake it.

And if that’s not enough, I can definitely provide character statements from many witnesses. My psychologist being one of them. Oh ya. I’d be approved for sure.

If this plan falls through though, I could always have a bunch of babies, go on welfare, get a cute trailer, and fix that shit up!

A girl can dream can’t she?

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Unwanted and Unwelcome

I believe that last night is definitely one for the books. I stopped at Pedro’s after work to have some drinks with the girls. The atmosphere was completely different than it was the week before. Instead of Lil Wayne and Jay Z, the DJ was spinning crap and more crap. The worst part was the group of Rainbow Bright cult people doing karaoke to music that I can’t even name. I had to put my I pod on I was in so much pain. Ugh, keep that old happy shit at home please.

Thank goodness Robbie sprung me and we headed to Vintage for lots of Apple Pie shots. Yum Yum! We met up with D and headed out for breakfast after a bit. Robbie was in a horrible mood because of her BF so we left her and headed to my place. After some very satisfying Sex I went to the kitchen to get some water.

My cell phone was beeping so I checked my messages, and guess who called me at 3 am? The Ex! I have not heard from this boy since I dropped his ass off last year after he came over and cheated on his girl with me! Bam! Then he pulls a random and calls me in the middle of the night! I was so drunk and in shock that I told him I was busy with D and hung up on him.

He actually had the nerve to call back and leave me a message…. I had turned the phone on silent and climbed back into bed with D but we listened to it this morning and this is what the little F-ucker said:

Ex: "I wasn’t calling to hook up with you or get back together with you. I was just calling to see.. ah what you're doing and if I could get a ride. Obviously that was a mistake. Hit me up when you feel you need to talk to me. I don't know what's up with you. I don't know what's up with me. I'm drunk and... ok.. huh.. whats up..shutup..biatch.”

Boy is delusional.
Ok first: I am glad that's not what he was calling about but I didn't really think it was. I was just so shocked that he actually called me. And not even on private. Now I have his number. Not like I want it, but he always calls with the number blocked.
Next: Why would I need to call him? We haven't talked in almost a year. I pretty much got the hint that he had moved on.
Lastly: Last time he called me for a ride was the last time I saw him. He came over and we hooked up. Then I found out he had a GF and was living with her. You are correct in saying that asking for a ride was obviously a BIG mistake. Where's your girlfriend? Call her.

Now,If I was a lesser person I could take advantage of this situation. I'm sure ol' girl would not appreciate him calling me like that. But i'm not going to do anything. I don't know what he's playing at but I am really not interested.

*If him and his girl are fighting and he’s looking to make her mad or have some side entertainment: I’m not interested!
*If he misses me and just wants to get together and talk: I’m not interested
*If he wants me back: I sure as hell am not interested
*If he was just drunk dialing and needed a ride: I'm not a taxi and even if I was, your money is no good here.

I never wanted things to be like this between us. At one time I had actually cared for this kid. But his actions have pretty much made it impossible for us to even be civil towards one another.

Playtime is over honey.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

They let her out of her cage again!!

This is going to be a weird one but whatever. I keep starting these posts and then getting sidetracked so they’re only half completed. I’m just going to throw them together. Deal with it.


People are trying to cop my Wank Wank! What the hell is this? When I first started saying this, people thought that I was crazy.
"That's from two years ago Lush"
"I don't care, I'm bringing it back!"

And now that it's caught on, EVERYONE is saying it. Holy mother fucking cow. I know I am the shit and all but I have never been the one that people want to talk like. I mean, have you read my posts? Completely out of my mind, and sane people should know this.

Again, I can't claim Patton on this or anything, but this is a word that I have started using all the time. And now other people have started saying it. Ever seen Clerks II? I'm bringing it back!


I met a hottie... and OMG... I actually like him. Don't bust a nut it's not as exciting as all that but I will get to it in a second.

First off. Went to meet up with an old friend the other night for a drink. Let's call her Rican. Cause that's what she is. Haven't seen her in forever because she and Robbie have bad history. Being in the same room with them at the same time is as comfortable as waking up next to a random and not remembering their name.

I usually give guys a fake name when they hit on me.. You know, got to spice things up a little bit. Which I believe all girls do at one time or another. This particular evening I went with Martha and introduced Ghetto (well, I had called her something else but it’s too easy to guess so I’m going to change it up) as Patricia. No offense to anyone who might be named Martha or Patricia but they are names usually given to babies back in the day. I think that shit’s funnier than say, Jessica or Brittany. It’s gotta be funny people.

If you haven’t guessed, yes I scared them off like I do all guys I can’t stand talking to. OK, back to my point… Wait, what was my point? Damn, I’m rambling I need a Ritalin…

(30 minutes later) OK under control. Back to our regular scheduled program…..

So like I said... I met a hottie... But it's not as exciting as all that, let me explain.

Originally, I thought he (I had the hardest time coming up with a name for him so for now we'll call him D) was someone else when I first spotted him in the club. I guess I’ve known him since whenever when but for the life of me I can’t remember. Alcohol does that to you kids. Just Say No!

Boy was looking good so I told the girls I was gonna Mack. Poor guy must think I’m nuts. First came the flirting and initial attraction. Then I decided he just had to come home with us which ended up turning into a big fight between me and Robbie. Why? Because there wasn't enough room in the car and instead of listening to her when she said she'd drop people off and come back, I thought she was hating! Being the gentleman that he is, D overlooked the screams and the tears and got us to the crib. You can guess what happened next.

Now when I say “I like him,” I am referring to the fact that I wouldn’t mind hanging out again. Not like “OMG I totally have a crush” kill me now “like.” I know how bored I get so let’s not get all excited here. It’s always fun to meet new people though, don’t ya think?

**Oh, and side note.. I mentioned that I was writing about him on here and when I saw him last night he pulled out his Iphone and showed me he'd checked it out. On one hand, that's kind of sweet right? On another, now I can't write bad things about him on here right? Just kidding. I would never do anything like that.

Thursday, May 7, 2009


Thanks for the Memery
(stolen from Depresso)
1. What are your current obsessions? Healthy food and school

2. Which item from your wardrobe do you wear most often? My Silver jeans or my Victoria Secret Hoodie

3. Last dream you had? I was a gun runner

4. Last thing you bought? Miller Lite (can't drink Honey Weiss until I get rid of my beer belly)

5. What are you listening to? My IPOD

6. If you were a god/goddess who would you be? There are three possible: Alethia: the Goddess of Truth.
Amphictyonis she was the Goddess of Wine, and of Friendship Between Nations
Caligo:Called the mother of Chaos

7. Favourite holiday spots? Vegas, and hopefully someplace tropical

8. Reading right now? Patricia Briggs Cry Wolf, Charlaine Harris Dead and Gone, and Jane Austen Pride & Prejudice

9. Four words to describe yourself. Drunk, Crazy, Loyal, Amusing

10. Guilty pleasure? Messing with people.. I love to antagonize

11. Who or what makes you laugh until you’re weak? Myself.. I'm a funny bitch

12. Favourite spring thing to do? Running with the dogs or without, reading in the sun, securing my house from bugs for the season(weird i know but necessary)

13. When you die, what would you like people to say about you at your funeral? Damn, how are we ever going to have fun again now that Crunk Dale is gone?

14. Best thing you ate or drank lately? Turkey burger and organic strawberries.. yum yum

15. When did you last go for a night out? Tuesday!!! Cinco de Mayo

16. Who is your idol if you have one? My Grandma for always being there. Jenna Jameson for doing the damn thing. Barack Obama for being an actual man of integrity and hope. Me, for always getting back up no matter what and brushing that off.

17. Care to share some wisdom? Don't ever date anyone 21 or under. And laugh at everything. Makes life more fun!

18. Song you can’t get out of your head? Boom Boom Pow by Black Eyed Peas

19. Thing you are looking forward to? The weekend and BEER

20. Which disease or condition would you most like to see eradicated? Getting old

21. What is your most irrational fear? Bugs.. and it's not irrational. Those things are the devil incarnated

22. Who are your favourite comedians? Lisa Lampinelli, Chris Rock,

Rules of the game. Respond and rework. Answer questions on your own blog. Replace one question. Add one question. Tag 6 people.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

I am such a brat

I think I completely went a little overboard last night. But I just couldn't help myself. He HE.

I went out for Cinco De Mayo last night with the girls. Pedro's was hopping as it always is on tuesdays and thursdays. You know when you run into someone that you absolutely CAN NOT stand? Ya, that happened last night.

Loud ass is this girl that I know through the Ex. She's actually best friends with his girl. Lame. She came running up to me like I actually wanted to talk to her. She asked me for my phone number so she could return these books that she borrowed from me. The thought of this girl actually calling me made me puke a little in my mouth. I told her just to donate them to Goodwill. Louie almost spit out her Margrita all over bitches face she was laughing so hard. See, i'm a brat.

Then to top off the night, my friend Mouth showed up and we got to talking about old girl. He happened to mention that he knew the Ex's girl. Turns out they both get green from him! Ha, not if I can help it. So I took his phone and text her that she better not call me again(as if I was him) and that I didn't know she knew me so Peace out. See, i'm a brat.

O-M-G. Girl got so mad. Called me and him both crazy and instigated that I was stuck on the Ex! Ya, I absolutely 100% DO NOT THINK SO! Everyday I wake up and roll over in my huge bed, I smile and think how much I love my life now that I don't have some BOY trying to dictate my life. I truly am happy for them and I wish them all the best in the whole world.

Except for talking to my peoples. Sorry biatch, you ARE CUT THE FUCK OFF!!

See I told you I'm a brat!! Love you... xoxo

Monday, May 4, 2009

Wank! Wank!

New Favorite Word:
Wank Wank

I absolutely love saying this now. If you think about it you can apply this to almost any situation, whether good or bad.

Example: A person is being an ass.. you answer "wank wank"
A person tells you they love you.. you smile and answer "wank wank"
A person asks you out on a date and you're not interested.. your response "wank wank"

And so on....
Try it. Even if you're being a jerk saying it I bet it puts a smile on your face.

Sorry I haven't posted in a bit but I've been super busy (read: lazy). The boys are gone on their trip again so I'm staying @ Robbie's with her. I don't usually mind staying there but I always miss my kitties. We've had a few parties there but nothing over the top. Robbie's co-worker Rizzy(not her real name of course) has moved in for a little bit and I've found a new friend in her. She's only 19 but she's still pretty cool. It's her birthday tomorrow so I took her down to the Vintage Saturday night. Of course she got her fake taken because it didn't look anything like her but only after they double carded her. I remember being under 21. What a lame ass time that shit was!

Acker thinks she is slick and surprised me by having Louie there so we could talk. I appreciate the gesture and I agree that I do miss her at times but I'm still weary. She's been one of my oldest friends forever so that's the only reason I'm giving her another chance. I still don't like her reasoning though so I'm definitely being careful. When I asked her why she didn't tell me right away that dude was blowing up her phone and they were spending time together, her response was, "why should I, you aren't my PO?" What kind of answer was that? Seriously! Wank Wank!

I've been hurt by people so much that I am just not willing to take anymore chances. Just because we differ in our opinion doesn't mean she can't respect my feelings. So I believe distance may be necessary. I can't help it if I seem cold. Defensive mechanism automatically kicks in.

So to end on a good note.....


Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Leaving the ghetto

God I'm lame. Well let me amend that because obviously the universe is rocking with that obviously false statement.

I mentioned a long time ago on here how i don't have a windshield wiper or signal thingie on my steering wheel do to a stupid fight between me and the Ex one drunken night. So in order to get them to work, my brother had to jury rig my steering wheel so I could at least move the little piece up and down every time I wanted to turn the signal on. (and trust me, the little piece is tiny and you can't see it while you're driving so I've had to get used to feeling it out without looking)

The wipers are even worse. Every time I want to turn them on I have to stop my car, get out, and pit the fuse in. Or stop my car and take the fuse out to turn them off.

Yes. I am very aware of how ghetto this is. My car has looked like someone tried to steal it for so long I don't even notice it anymore.

But I was finally able to score the necessary parts to get it fixed without paying out my ass at a shop and I AM ECSTATIC.

I know that sounds lame but seriously. You try driving around ghetto-fied for a year and tell me how ecstatic you'd be! Ugghh... *jumping up and down here*

I even asked my mom to buy me a new steering column for Christmas it is so annoying.
I got a gym membership. (which I love don't get me wrong, but not what I asked for)

Monday, April 27, 2009

The captain has left the building

Everyone has that one alcohol that no matter how many times they drink it something happens. I actually have a few of those as I'm an emotional person and tend to take things to the extreme. Naturally.

My kryptonite used to be vodka. People actually refused to hang out with me while I was drinking vodka because it seemed anyone in the vicinity ended up with collateral damage. I can handle vodka now. Mostly. A few incidents here and there but nothing major.

During my most wild days, Kammie and I used to guzzle Captain by the bottle. A piece. I love a girl who can keep up with me. But unfortunately the Captain seems to be too much for me and has now crossed over into kryptonite status. Truthfully I guess anything you consume in excess could be labeled in that category.

captain morgan Pictures, Images and Photos

Case in point: Saturday afternoon... Mccants, Acker and I got a bottle of Captain and decided to have a few drinks. Which turned into the whole bottle. Which turned into me crying, bitching, laughing, and any other possible emotion.

I really hate it when I act like an ass. I even woke up drunk. Good times. The bad part about the whole thing is the traveling. I decided to relocate to Robbie's who had guests. Nothing like telling off a bunch of people for being at your best friends house that they need to leave cause they, and I quote, "are maxing on my bestie time. So step off." I'm special. I never matured past first grade.

I think I'm going to stick with Leinie's for awhile. Especially when I'm associating with the general public.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Me and Tiny Tim

I am sick again. If you didn't get that the first time please let me repeat it for you. I AM SICK AGAIN.

Seriously. We took my niece to the zoo this weekend and she caught something from some kid at her daycare. Now her, my brother, his fiance and me are all sick. I don't know how I think I'm going to be a teacher when I can't even be around my own niece without getting germs. And you know kids are carriers for anything and everything you could possibly ever get. That's just asking for it right there.

I'm just so shocked because I just got done being sick and now here we are again. People at work keep asking me what's wrong and I hesitate to even tell them. I think I've caught an eye roll of two out of a couple of them when I tell them I am sick again. Like it's my fault. Sometimes I feel like one of those sickly kids who always have some sort of problem because their mom couldn't lay off the sauce while she was preggo.

Or Tiny Tim. Isn't he the little boy who was always on the brink of death or something? And it's always something weird with me too you know? First my gall bladder(and who the heck gets their gall bladder taken out at 24), a spider bite where I become allergic to spiders, a broken toe/foot/ass.. whatever. If it's something that can be broken I am sure I'll eventually break it.


I am going home and swallowing a bottle of NyQuil, drinking some soup, swallowing some vitamins and going to sleep. I WILL GET RID OF THIS! Being sick is NOT HOT!

Thursday, April 16, 2009

If only I had my own zoo

I'm taking the Pickle to the zoo this weekend and I can not wait. She's at that age where everything is amazing to her. Everytime she sees something, she points and says, "what's that?" all cute in this little voice. It's so precious.

The only thing I really hate about the zoo is the insects. Really. Who needs to have insects on display? It's bad enough they exist and I have to deal with them in real life. At the zoo here in Madison some smart ass has decided that cockroaches are educational. So every time I go to the zoo, planning on enjoying myself, I end up having to look at these huge DISGUSTING cockroaches.

Even if I try to avoid them, everyone knows of my disdain for bugs and finds it hilarious to point them out. And it's not like I can NOT look. They're huge!

Who came up with this? I was talking to a customer today and mentioned this to him. He lives in California where cockroaches are most likely not sparse and thought it was funny that the zoo in Madison has cockroaches on display. His words: "that's like putting the common house fly on display." I agree. (and not even because he sounded SUPER cute and flirted with me for 20 minutes. Too bad he lives in California..*sigh*)

If I had my own zoo, hmmm there's a future goal, I would make sure there was not bugs on display. If someone wants to look at a bug they can go outside or look it up in a book. I don't know why anyone would want to look at big African cockroaches anyway. That's just nasty.

Leaving the Kids at home

Wow. I was just reading over my last post and all I have to say is WOW. I have a little bit of a temper don't I? Ha! You really have no idea.

I'm a little annoyed with myself though this morning. Why do I even let him get to me anymore? I say I'm over it but I'm obviously still harboring some anger towards him. But it really isn't that. Yes he did me wrong but so what? He's young and a boy. That's really just a given. When I met him I knew this about him so it was really not a big deal. So why do I let it get to me?

Here's why: I absolutely CAN NOT stand it that he thinks he's so cool. It just really grates my nerves. I know I should not care and most of the time I really don't but seriously! DO NOT go around telling people not to tell me that you've talked. I COULD CARE LESS. If I wanted to go talk to him I could. He works down the street from me. I have not tried to contact him once since we ended it for good. Get the Hell over yourself dude.

On a better note: I got a text from that guy that we met in Milwaukee at the Brewers game. He has invited me down to Chicago for dinner and drinks and I think I am going to take him up on it. I am so tired of the LITTLE BOYS around me. I think I need a little adult time.

Play time is F-ing over!

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Losers and their audacity

OK. I am going to apologize ahead of time because this post is going to be a bitch the fuck out post! Seriously! I am almost irate.

So I was watching some show tonight and decided to text Danny. That's the Ex's ex girlfriend. Her and I are actually really cool and she's coming up here this summer to party for a couple of days. I sent her a message and told her how I had messaged the Ex the other day letting him know about his cat and to ask if he could take my pictures of me off his Myspace. I've asked him this numerous times and still they are on there. There are no pictures of his girl. Just pictures of me. I am not even his friend on there anymore. I deleted his ass as soon as I regained brain function.

But I was feeling nice the other day and sent him a very nice message. Truthfully. I was nice. But now I am pissed. He specifically told her not to tell me that he had text her. LIKE I FRICKING CARE!!

What makes me so mad is that not once have I tried to contact him. I haven't wanted to. He's moved on and he's with his dirty hoe. Cool beans. Have a nice life. Peace the fuck out.

But don't go around telling people NOT to tell me that you've talked. Like I'm going to stalk him or something??? He's the one who asks about me when my family runs into him at his place of employment.... McDonald's. Yeah buddy.

I have moved on. Lost weight. Had a few one night stands and broken a few hearts. Got contacts and joined the Gym. Went back to school and am getting A's. Does that sound like a person hung up over a little boy?

NO! I know I shouldn't even get angry about this but it pisses me off. Like I'm sitting around pining for him or something. This was his problem while we were dating. He had such a high opinion of himself that he did whatever he wanted. YOU MEAN FUCKING SHIT TO ME DUDE. Take your attitude and go fuck your nasty trailer trash girlfriend.

.... That's all I'm going to say about that. This just goes to show... don't ever let your guard down. Once a loser, always a loser.

That's my new motto and I'm sticking to it.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Barbie and Ken

So you know the age old question: do blonds really have more fun?

I was having a talk with Acker this weekend and she brought up the fact that the blond waitresses at her work seem to get more tips than her even though they have zero personality.

So is it their hair that is the appeal? I have blond hair and I can personally say that there are perks to being blond, but there are also stereotypes that are associated with blonds as well. We've all heard or personally referred to a blond as a ditz because of the color of her hair. I have even made fun of myself before saying things like, "wow, I am really blond today," or "duh duh duh.. the blond is popping out!"

The bad thing about this though is that not all blonds are ditsy or stupid; I am going to school to be a teacher. I can be a little flighty sometimes but that's just me. It does not refer in any way to my hair color.

Like I said there can be perks that come with the color of your hair. Some people just love blonds. Friday I went to the Brewers game in Milwaukee with Escamilla. I don't even like baseball that much but I enjoy any place that is filled with drunk people having a great time. And that's exactly how it turned out. I was even doing beer bongs in the parking lot and shots of Jack. (yes, I was faded on the way home.) The Brewers won and it was super fun to cheer them on. Best game I've ever been to.

While we were walking to Friday's in the stadium, some guy did a double take. Double take: when someone looks at you and then looks again cause they can't believe how hot you are. It was funny. Haven't had that happened in quite awhile. Makes a girl feel pretty good. (oh, and did I mention all the supremely HOT guys at the game? Forget the bar, sporting events are THE place to meet hotties. We even met these guys who took us out to dinner in the penthouse bar at the Hyatt.)

Moral of the story: It really isn't the color of your hair that makes you a fun person. For guys that think that, let them have their boring time with Barbie. You don't want a Ken doll anyway.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Crazy is as crazy does

Well Bad Girls has reached an all time status of: out of control. Or maybe it just seems that way because I've been so chill lately. It used to be that if there was craziness it just meant it was another day ending in Y.

What started out to be a kind of dull night ended up becoming one of the all time craziest Bad Girls ever. Well, maybe not crazy like do a bunch of beer bongs and hook up with a random dude crazy. Hey, I'm not talking about me here. I would NEVER do anything like that... (that's my story and I'm sticking to it) But crazy like being in the mental hospital from 12 Monkeys crazy.

First we started off with a little innocent trip downtown to my friend Mouth's. That's obviously not his real name but I'm going to call him that because he has such a smart ass mouth. If you're reading this I told you I was going to call you out on here. Shouldn't be such a little smart ass should ya?

Anywho, that ended up moving us around to a couple of different places until we all ended back up at the Crib. I know we were not that loud, or at least not as loud as were usually are. And there was only like 7 people there so no big deal right?

Well it probably wouldn't have been if drama hadn't popped off. After I went to bed, I was awoken by screaming coming from my roomies room. Now Kammie is my Ride or Die and I love her to death, but I seriously gotta shake my head sometimes. She was laying down with one of our friends, just laying down mind you, when her boyfriend decided to stop over at 5 am and try to climb in her window.

Hold up. Let's just count the things that are wrong with this picture:

1. she told him not to come over and she wasn't home so why is he just stopping by like he owns the place?
2. why isn't her window locked knowing that he does this kind of crap (trust me, not the first time we've caught him outside. creepy? I agree)
3. boy definitely needs to learn some boundaries
4. after he opens the window and flips out, he stands outside screaming at her and then our friend who was laying there starts fighting with him

If this isn't bad enough, our upstairs neighbor who already hates us comes stomping down the stairs, pounds on our door and starts screaming at Kammie. Here's a little replay:

Kammie: I'm so sorry
bitchy lady from upstairs: i have a 5 year old and you woke him up
Kammie (high as hell): i know I'm so sorry
bitchy lady from upstairs: i tolerate a lot from you guys but this is out of control
Kammie (still messed up): i know I'm so sorry someone just came screaming at our window
bitchy lady from upstairs: uugghh! (stomps away and all the way upstairs)

While all of this is going on I'm laying in my bed like WTF. I just fell asleep, i have PMS, and now I'm PISSED. I woke up and went in her room and almost climbed through the window at him. He ran away of course.

So now not only is my house an asylum for drunks and debauchery galore, we have now crossed over into "the neighbors everyone hates!" Great, now I can't even get my mail when people are around. They think this is bad they are REALLY going to hate us this summer! Poor people. I almost feel bad for them. Maybe they'll move away. Here's hoping.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Clearing away the cobwebs

Holy fricking cow am I sore. Muscles I didn't even know I had are screaming at me. And it feels amazing. You know those people that are addicted to the gym and are there every night? Yeah, that's going to be me.

After work last night I had plans to go to the gym with Robbie and Kammie but ended up having to deal with some drama first. I got so upset that I was just going to get drunk and say F it. Robbie talked me out of it though and I am so glad that she did. I felt much better working out my frustration on the elliptical than sitting around getting wasted and stewing about it.

Robbie and I have a goal that we're going to lose 20 pounds by July. I've already lost 30 since last year so that means I would have lost 50 fricking pounds. Ahhhh. Feels nice. And I didn't even have to go on Biggest Loser to do it.

I know I've probably talked about the fitness thing before but I can't help it. It feels great to be all healthy. Wow. This is what sober people are always talking about. Ha. I always wondered but was usually to drunk to figure it out.

Monday, April 6, 2009

Somethings Gotta Give

Blah! That is all I have to say about that. A couple of months ago I got into this funk like I was waiting for something to happen, and I feel like that now. Things with some of my girls have been kind of strained, I am no longer talking to Louie and her new boyfriend Leo, I barely party anymore because I've been so focused on school and working out, and I just feel like BLAH!

I guess what i'm saying is i'm BORED. The guy that I told ya about, Mammoth, he is still around and such a sweetie. Holding on even though i'm super busy and have no time to hang out with him. I wish that I was more excited about him but I'm not yet and won't allow myself to be. But other than that, nothing. I even completed all of my assignments for this week for school. And it's monday. Lame.

I think I need to shake things up because they just got really dull. I don't do dull. I'm a Cancer. We get restless. Or maybe that's my ADD. Whatever.
Something has got to give.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

A night with the Besties

I went on a date last night with my girls, or as we like to call ourselves, the Primary Colors. ( background here: Robbie, Kammie, and I have been best friends for years and no matter who else comes into our lives, its always going to be us three. Primary colors: red, blue, and yellow) The three of us haven't gone out alone in a long time so we made a date last night and went out for appetizers, cocktails, and then bar hopping.

Nothing too crazy happened. We ditched some annoying guys, drank lots and lots of shots, bounced up on it, ate Taco Bell and then passed out. Typical night.

What is it about drinking that makes it impossible to say no to Taco Bell? Over the last couple of months, I've almost completely stopped eating fast food, fried foods,and mostly anything not healthy like chips and cookies. I've lost 30 pounds and am still going. Yes I know. Very happy about this. Working out has been helping but most of this weight was dropped by just changing my diet.

But whenever i'm out with the girls and we're drunk, if someone mentions Taco Bell, it's almost impossible to say no. I woke up with a headache but wasn't too hungover. So I guess it has some merit. Too bad we don't live in a world where Taco Bell has no calories or fat.

Now that's something to dream about.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

I'm lovin' it!

As I was sitting here at work, tired as hell after a night of Bad Girls, I just realized the the Exe's birthday has passed and I didn't even notice. I guess that's one way to know you are finally over someone. Truthfully, yes I will always hate him in a way for how he treated me but I believe he is EXACTLY where he needs to be. And that's working at McDonald's and living with HER, which is probably the same place he'll be in ten years.

Now that's what I call Karma!

Speaking of Karma, as I said, Bad Girls went out with a BANG last night! Even though Acker ditched us to go to the bar with Louie's shady ass, (don't ask it's just lame drama) Robbie, Kammie, and I had a fantastic time which included going to the strip club and seeing some beautiful ladies do their thing, Taco Bell where I actually got served, and a celebratory beer bong that knocked me on my ass.

Good times.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

The weatherman is on crack

So. The weather report is calling for snow. SNOW. It's almost April. How can there be snow? Me and Robbie have been sick pretty much all week and today is my last day before I have to go back to work tomorrow and I was really looking forward to going to the gym, or taking the dogs for a run. But no. There may be snow. When I hear those words, all I feel like doing is sitting my happy ass in front of the TV. But that's what we did yesterday and I don't feel productive anymore if the whole day is filled with TV.

What has happened to me? Motivation is good, but too much makes me feel like a pod person. Every day I get closer to 30, (hey, 5 years but still that could go by super fast), and I am trying to enjoy every minute of that. Unfortunately, everyone is sick and there's snow.

Lame. Well, I guess I can actually work on my paper that's due tomorrow instead of doing it at the last minute. Or not. We'll see. Hope everyone else's weekend is going a little better than ours.

Coconuts and Cream

It's 4:39 am and my "friend" just left. Hmm. Gotta make up a name for him since he seems to be planning on being around for a grip. Let's call him.... Mammoth. You can figure out why.

I haven't hit him up since meeting him and I wasn't sure if he wanted me to. But tonight, I was feeling it comin on and remembered how much chemistry we had so I hit him up. And was not disappointed. Yum.

Too bad he has to work otherwise we'd still be in bed. Haven't snuggled with a man in a long time and it felt amazing. I've missed that part of it. Even though I can be independent, it's still nice to have someone you can lay with for a little while and just cuddle. A little gay? Ya. BUt who cares>? We all need human connection. All human connection. Not just friends and family.

So, even though I smell like cocoa butter after he leaves, I think I might just hear from him again soon. Nothing wrong with a little cocoa butter. Makes things all nice and smooth.

Yum. Yum.

Friday, March 20, 2009

Pickle's 1st birthday!

Yay! Today is Rozlyn's first birthday party and I can not wait. She is such a little doll and really makes me want to have one one day. Woah. Let's not get crazy here. I said one day. Meaning one day in like ten years. Much better.

I got her the cutest little sailor dress and I can't wait to see her in it. On Wednesday, which was her actually birthday, I stopped over and saw her for a little bit. While she was sitting in her high chair eating peaches, she looks up at me, looks at the dog and says.. "puppy." Oh! I swear it was the cutest thing. First time she said it too and I was there. She's only one. I can not even believing she's progressing this fast.

So super excited about that. I didn't get a chance to write about St. Pat's day because I've been pretty sick. Last week I woke up and I had a bite on my back and hives all over. I did not know what it was and didn't think it was such a big deal I needed to go to the doctor. But Wednesday I woke up and I couldn't even talk and had to go home early yesterday. I went to the doctor and it turns out I'm having an extreme allergic reaction to a spider bite! Seriously, like I'm not already afraid of the stupid things. So my landlord is having someone come spray the house Monday, and I was in the doctor today picking up my Ritalin and he prescribed me a tranquilizer for my anxiety. I can't even go downstairs and do my laundry. I pay other people to do it. A gnat flew around my head and I freaked out and had to get drunk to stop looking around for it.

I know most girls, not trying to be sexist here, are afraid of bugs. But not like this. We had cockroaches in an apartment we lived in once when I was little and I've had a recurring dream about them ever since. So hopefully this Lorazapan can help me when I start having a panic attack because it's very embarrassing to be like this in front of people.

Pretty much the only thing I get embarrassed about. Good thing too because I do a lot of shit that most people would find embarrassing.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

The Hoe Post

You know the saying, "how much is too much?" Well, I'm a firm believer in too much is never enough but over the last few weeks I've been thinking about that more and more.

When I was younger, I experimented with sex. You could even say I was a little promiscuous. Now don't get me wrong, I was not a slut; just young and having fun. Over the last few years I've been in these long relationships though and have been MOSTLY faithful to them. (hey, they were asses who cheated on me. I don't feel bad in the least)

But over the last 5 months, while I was mending my broken heart, I've stayed away from guys, sex, and everything in between. But that's all over. Hearts not completely healed but it's not running the show anymore. I have let the dragon out of her cage. 5 months is a long time to bottle all of that up you know. Definitely bad for your health.

I joke around with Acker a lot because she's a Scorpio and the horniest girl I know. She is confident in having sex and is not ashamed to have as much as she wants. She's sort of our resident Samantha. Or as I call her, our resident Acker. I joke with her a lot about it because one, it's good material, and two, that's just how I am. I do give her props though for doing the damn thing though.

But since I've been chilling on the quiet front lately, it's kind of amazing to me how free I've been lately. Now, I'm not going into explicit details except to say that over the past couple of weeks, I've reconnected with two of my old friends, had a one night stand, and met someone potentially new. Not new in the relationship sense but new in the, "I can actually stand hanging out with you more than a few times and still stand seeing your face," new. The best part is, he gets me. Most guys get a little affronted by my direct no hold back attitude. Actually, most people get taken aback by it. I don't see why though. I'm honest and direct. So what? But this guy actually thought I was funny.

We even told each other straight up what we liked and what we didn't like about the other.

Me to him: Negative: your name
your bottom lips too big when you kiss. I have to wipe my chin
cause you slobber all over it
there's more but I can't remember
Positive: your hot
you laugh at my jokes and don't get pissed when I tell you to
fuck off
you're hung like a horse
See all good things...

Him to me: ...... I think he said stuff here but I wasn't listening because I know I'm great and don't need him to tell me.

But either way, I'm not turning into a Samantha or ever Acker, but I'm definitely not got 5 months prude again. So again with the question, "How much is too much?"

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

St. Pattys

Happy St. Patricks day bloggers! And today is Bad Girls so it's a double whammy for me. I'm going to try to simmer it down tonight but it can be pretty impossible at times.

Before Bad Girls, Mccants is having a friend of hers over to do a small Passion Party to get the night started off. Those are always fun. Drunk girls giggling over toys. Fun times.

I'll try and post tomorrow with an update if I'm not too hungover but here's a few pictures from the other night. We all went out downtown. Unfortunately, the girls took forever to get ready, so I started drinking, and ended up tanked before we even left.

We got a Fish Bowl at Wando's, which is pretty much what it sounds like, and I ended up basically plastered. I did not have a fun day the next day.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Things that annoy the crap out of me


* when people blow up your phone even though you tell them you will call them back

* slow drivers in the fast lane

* the girl at work who has the most annoying lisp and chooses to sit next to me everyday

* Dora the Explorer. Whoever came up with that cartoon is stupid.

* people who wander away from you at the bar like you don't have anything better to do than look for them

* people that stare

* when people ask me for a cigarette and then don't believe me when I tell them I don't smoke. like everyone in the world smokes or something. Yeah, no thanks.

* my upstairs neighbor who bangs on the floor if we make any noise even though her bratty kid runs back and forth every morning @ 6am and it sounds like we may have to roll out of bed and hit the deck at any given time

* those dumb girls on the Bad Girls Club who think they're hard. Seriously. Sit down.

* the fact that bugs exist

* my management company. there is water leaking from the ceiling. fix it.

* Steven Segal movies and any of those stupid spoof movies. Sorry. Not funny.

* when people touch me. there's no need for it so don't do it. period.

* persistent guys that won't get a clue

* when people talk to me when I'm trying to read. GO AWAY.

OK there's more but I just realized that this list is pretty much an accumulation of how much PEOPLE annoy me.

Hmm. I think I need to work on this. Think Happy thoughts.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

On a power trip

I work in customer service, as I've probably said before, so whenever I go somewhere and the service SUCKS, it really pisses me off.

Last night, Mccants, Kammie, and I were out being crazy and decided we absolutely NEEDED Taco Bell. Now, the last time we went there, if you can remember, Mccants ended up wearing the food, and me and Kammie ended up duking it out in the parking lot.

We're cool peoples.

This time though, we were getting along fine and there wasn't a line around the damn block like there always is on Friday and Saturday nights. I was a little tipsy of course so when we pulled up to order our food, I ended up cussing a little bit every other word. Now, I wasn't cussing AT the guy. I was cussing at the girls and maybeee a little cuss word in between ordering the food.

Stupid Taco Bell guy: can I take your order?
Me: hold on please
Stupid Taco Bell guy: hello? can i take your order?
Me: dude, I said hold on.. what the fuck do you girls want?
Stupid Taco Bell guy: ma'am we aren't going to serve you if you swear
Me: excuse me? I'm not swearing at you dude, what the fuck?
Stupid Taco Bell guy: I warned you not to swear now we aren't serving you
Me: are you serious? OK, I'm sorry, even though this is a free country and I WAS NOT TALKING TO YOU, I'll apologize, can I PLEASE have a ...
Stupid Taco Bell guy: *silence*
Me: hello? hello? HELLO!!!

No fricking answer. I drove up to the window and he looked at me and would not open the window. So because he heard me swear in MY car, he denied me service. So no Taco Bell for us. AGAIN.

Writing this right now, I still can't believe that that happened. Even though it's a stupid .89 cent burrito, I feel that this little twerp needs to be brought down to size. Who does he think he is? The Soup Natzi?

Come on! Utterly ridiculous.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Lions, and Tigers, and Bears! Oh my!

I had another crazy dream last night about animals. If you didn't read the first one, here's the link:

This dream, again, featured a bunch of wild animals fighting. But instead of being in a backyard, we were all in a house. While the other animals were busy fighting, I was being chased by a rat in the bathroom. I'd jump up on the counter, then jump down and run out the door and in through another door, back into the same bathroom. Over and Over and Over. There was this guy directing the fight and all I kept thinking is, "I wish he'd get over here and regulate on this crazy rat!"

So, why the hell am I having these crazy dreams about wild animals fighting? Well, according to an online dream interpreter...

"To see animals in your dream represents your own physical characteristic, primitive desires, and sexual nature, depending on the qualities of the particular animals. Animals symbolizes the untamed and uncivilized aspects of yourself. Thus, to dream that you are fighting with an animal signifies a hidden part of yourself that you are trying to reject and push back into your subconscious. Refer to the specific animal in your dream:"

OK, so the sexual thing obviously makes sense, and I guess I have been repressing it in order to stay sane, so I guess that's true. Here's what the specific animals I've been dreaming about mean:

Antelope: symbolizes your high ambitions will be achieved through a great expenditure of your energy.
I fricking hope so!

Apes: indicates deception, mischievous, and falsehood. You need to calm down. The ape may also refer to your wild inner nature, particularly your sexual nature.
OK this is starting to make a lot of sense! Calm down though? Ya right!

Camel: you are carrying too many problems on your shoulders, you need to forgive and forget
Okkkk I guess that one's self explanatory

Dog: indicates a skill that you have ignored or forgotten, but needs to be activated
I didn't forget how to do it.. I don't think that's possible

Elephant: you need to be more patient or understanding of others. Or there is a memory that you are holding on to for too long. You need to let go of the past. To dream you are afraid of the elephant, suggests that there is an enormous problem that you are afraid to face.
I'll say! 5 months celeb ate was a long damn time!

Gorilla: you may be too "over the top" in your behavior
Ya, that's a given

Hippopotamus: your aggressive in nature, you are territorial and someone may be overstepping boundaries
When aren't people overstepping their boundaries? Better step off!

Lion: You have much influence over others. you need to exercise restraint in your own social life. You must resist the force that is driving you to self-destruction
I'm sensing a pattern here

Rat: you are feeling unworthy. Something you are keeping to yourself is eating you up inside. It denotes repulsion, decay, dirtiness, and even death. It may be a pun for someone who is a rat as well.

Rhinoceros: you need to forge ahead and do not take no for an answer. Be more aggressive.
Ha! Not a problem!

Well, I guess it makes sense now. Everything the dream interperted is pretty much what's going on. Too bad dreams couldn't just say this stuff. Instead, I've got to be chased by rats and 1,000 pound elephants every night.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Having a NON blessed day

This is going to sound really fricking weird but I don't care. I absolutely HATE it when people tell me to "have a blessed day."

When I was younger, Gram decided that we were all going to become Jehovah's Witnesses. Yippee! My parents, even though they did not have custody, made sure that we still got to celebrate holidays and our birthdays, because they felt that rule was taking the whole fanatic thing a little too far. So we were fake Jehovah's Witnesses.

Yeah, I was a cool kid.

Older brother eventually put his foot down and told Gram we weren't going anymore. I mean, it wasn't like we ever showed an interest in it anyway. I mean, how could we? We were kids, and the services lasted 3 hours or more where you had to sit still and listen. Every. Single. Service.

I used these unbelievably boring mornings to catch up on some sleep. Too bad I snored when I was younger. (and no, I don't snore now) Not surprising that I got a lot of glares from the other members. Good times.

But I thank goodness this is America and we have the freedom of religion. My experience with the Jehovah's Witnesses has made me exercise that right to NOT be a religious person. Don't get me wrong, I do believe that there may be something out there that created man, and life and whatever. But I don't know what it is and I definitely do not believe that 144,000 people out of the whole world are going to be saved on Judgement day, and only 144,000. Hmm. Crazy if you ask me.

For people that are religious though, I got nothing against you. Except when you tell me to "Have a blessed day."

I feel like answering, "no thank you."

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Gimme my Cabbage Patch back

2nd post of the day because that earlier one has been making me bigidity all damn day.

Happy Lush! Come out come out wherever you are!

So here's another one to lighten things up a little bit.

In California, a fertility clinic is advertising that they may have found a way to chose the eye, hair, or skin color of babies through in vitro. Yes, it costs $18,000 per try, and no it does not always work, but hey, you could end up with the kid you actually wanted!

Sounds like a plan to me. I know some people would look at this as scary, and unnatural, but who cares? The Jonas brothers are unnatural and people go ape shit for them.

I want a test tube baby. Can I have one for Christmas please? Blond hair, blue eyes, just like me. Technically, I could probably achieve that anyways even without having my baby produced in a lab, but why take chances right?

Maybe even one day we can grow them in a field like the Cabbage Patch Dolls so we don't have to spend 9 months carrying them around. Yes! Having a baby and can still drink. Heaven.

The mind of a crazy person

I've decided I need to take a step back and reevaluate things a little bit. Last night I got a little drunk and flipped out on Robbie. After my horns went back down and I was a little calmer, I realized that 1) I really need to be on some Percosets or Xanax and 2) I am not ready for this level of whatever the hell it is I have with Leo.

It's just so fast. We just ran into each other again. And now we're hanging out, and having marathon sex sessions all over Robbie's house when she's not there (oh ya, haven't posted about that one yet, but I will) and talking every day.

I just don't want to start something with the first guy I've dated since the Ex. I'm not ready, I'm WAY too vulnerable, and he's WAY too nice to mess it up.

So I'm going to take a step back, wait until he gets home, and then him and I are going to have a little talk. If we can't keep it on a purely booty call level for now, then I'm going to have to walk away for awhile, see some other guys, he he, and then maybe reconnect later.

I hate this stuff. I really do. It's so time consuming. Even thinking about it and writing about it on my blog is taking up way more time and effort than it should. This is how they get ya, you know? First it's casual drinks with friends. Then it's the two of you talking every day. And then they're sleeping over. And then you're living together and they're treating you like the old ball and chain.

No way buddy. I'm scrilla straight!

See! Obviously not the mind of a woman who's ready to start ANY sort of relationship with a man

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Taming the attitude

Okay. I am really freaking out here. And for the completely wrong reasons too.

How is it possible that someone is actually being nice to me and treating me with the respect I most definitely deserve and I'm freaking the hell out? Seriously. I can't even process it.

I guess it's kind of like what they say happens to animals after they've been abused or neglected. They shut down, and any act of kindness seems suspicious. Yep, that's me for sure. I'm more likely to take your head off than accept that what your offering is the truth. (Keep in mind, none of this applies to my friends. Besides my family, my friends are the only ones i trust or don't remotely question in any way)

So what to do? Really there is only one logical solution. Try like hell to resist my natural impulses to pull away, lose interest, or attack.

Ya, that's right. I sometimes get the urge to attack. Mostly verbally but you get the picture. When we're in a bar and a guy comes up to me.. well this doesn't happen a lot because as as Robbie says, I have Bitch written across my forehead... but when it does, I usually have some smart ass thing to say to them. And don't even get me started on guys that put there hands on you.


I'm sitting at the bar minding my own business when dude walks up and puts his hand on my arm/back/shoulder

Me: "Woah buddy! Do I know you?
Creepy loser Guy: No
Me: Why the hell is your hand on me then?
Creepy loser guy: I just wanted to say hi
Me: Say hi with your mouth not your hands and I'm not interested so go away
*creepy loser guy stalks away*

I know it takes a lot to approach someone in a bar and come up with a good line so they are interested and blah blah. I understand this. But DO NOT put your hands on me. I HATE it when people touch me. Especially creepy old guys who are old enough to my father and have no business talking to me anyway. Grow up. You're sleazy.

But I think maybe, let's call him Leo, may just be able to handle it. It really takes a strong man to keep up with me and the girls, that's for sure. As he said last night when Robbie and I showed up at the bar, "wow, this is the first time you two haven't come with the whole entourage. Every time I see you I meet at least 7 new people." Ya he's exaggerating a little but what can I say? I got a lot of friends.

But I'm going to try a little experiment and see if maybe I can tame the lioness down and not bolt for the door or tear the gazelles head off. Here's hoping it works.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Keepin it Real

You know, when I started this blog I did it because I was going through a really bad time in my life and it was really one of the only therapeutic outlets I had available to me.

I mean, let's face it. Even though your friends are there for you, they do get sick of hearing about the Ex all the time. At least on here I can pour my heart out and not give a damn who reads it or not. This is my blog. It's a space for me.

When I told my friends about my blog it was more out of a sense to be proud than anything because seriously, it is pretty cool. I mean, think about it. The blogger community is so random and here it is just all these people from all over sharing their lives with each other and becoming friends over common interests and personalities. That's pretty cool. I was told recently that, "blogging about people is really immature." Do you feel like you're being immature bloggers?

Maybe I shouldn't have ever told anyone I was the author of this but oh well. Sometimes I'm going to write stuff that's embarrassing to me or someone else. sometimes I may rant about a friend and it may piss them off to read it. But everything I write is something I would say to someones face so if you can't handle it then stop reading.

Seriously. I'm not trying to be hurtful or laugh at people or be an ass. I can be sometimes but I admit it when I am.

Something someone said to me at work the other day was, "if you don't like the answer, don't ask the question." So read at your own peril because I don't do sugar coating. I'm not that kind of girl.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Mirrors often lie

I find it fascinating when someone tells me about myself that should be common knowledge. Especially to me. But I guess we can't see ourselves as clear as others can.

I know I have a way of being brutally honest. Trust me. I'm aware of it. But once in awhile, someone will say something to me about my personality or something I said while I was drunk, and if actually still catches me off guard.

Tonight while we were watching Bad Girls Club, Acker (name has been changed due to the request of the individual) pointed out to me that I if it were ever to come to a fight between the two of us, she would win. Well, of course she would because she has more strength. I was having a hard time dealing with this, so she decided to admit to me that, intellectually, I kick ass.

And ya, I am smarter than them, but that's not all she is referring to. I guess I have this way of "bringing people down to size" as she puts it, that is quite fascinating that I had no idea I even do.

Supposedly, I have this way of saying things to individuals that can be sort of bitchy, true, and honest all at the same time. She says sometimes I will say something and not even realize it, and either will the other person until ten minutes after I've finished speaking.

Damn! I was not aware of this. Sometimes I know I can be kind of sarcastic, and of course I know I have a way of talking shit as effectively as possible with as little words necessary to get my point across. But I wasn't aware that it was something that other people knew me for.

Acker says it's my way of intellectually beating ass.

I hate to say it but maybe I'm just hanging around with a bunch of deficient ass bitches. Actually, that last statement just proved her point. Holy shit! I'm an ass sometimes. Crazy.