Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Simmering Down

Overall I consider myself a pretty nice person. Sometimes I'm even too nice and I find that people tend to take advantage. Well, I wasn't feeling very nice last night. I stopped at mom's after work to pick up a microwave since mine had just decided to stop working while I was in the middle of warming up soup. Then I headed home and watched Gossip Girl and had a couple beers. "Robbie" called and wanted me to come proofread her marketing presentation, so I grabbed the bottle of gin in the freezer and headed over there. Hey, we needed a little celebration!

I didn't stay too long, but by the time I left I was feeling kind of tipsy. Me + tipsy = bad thoughts! I started thinking about the Ex and started getting PISSED OFF!!! I guess there's always stages you go through after a break up, and yes, I've already visited the RAGE stage, but sometimes I go back there, especially when I'm drunk and at home alone. I even devised a plan to call him and say I wanted to see him, get together and mess with him a little, and then just disappear later.

Yes, there are holes in this plan and it was devised in a drunken state, and yes I realized this when I woke up and remembered what was going through my head. But don't you ever just sit there and imagine ways to make that person feel just as crappy as you do?

I know it's not really a healthy thought, and like I said, I'm usually a really nice person so I feel bad about wishing pain on someone. But heartbreak doesn't really take into affect you're nice personality.

I mean, I know that if I called him tomorrow, he would be more than willing to see me and hang out. I was the one who stopped answering the phone. But I just couldn't take it anymore. After he moved out, it was like sporadic calls whenever he FELT like it. And I'm sorry but I am better than that. I fought for us for so long and I really just don't have anything left.

So good for me for not calling him today and trying to put forth some diabolical plan. I'll just save that for inside my head I guess. Crises passed.

2 comments:

  1. OH man, I totally understand the RAGE phase. I've been through it but I definitely revisit it sometimes. Good job on not calling him!

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  2. oh Mad .... you are better than that!! I did a cartwheel just for you in honor of you NOT calling him. Guys that call only when they want to suck... because they KNOW we will always be there. I am going through that same thing with my current beau right now. I am at a loss, because if I don;t answer .... what if he calls someone else. it all just sucks

    I will pray that God moves you even closer in the right direction to meeting the husband he created FOR YOU!!! He's out there somewhere .... and he will do more than just call when HE wants!!!

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