Friday, November 14, 2008

Looking back

When I decided to stop talking to the Ex, I moved all pictures of him and us from my sight so I wasn't constantly running into his face. We really don't have any friends that are the same either, so it's highly unlikely I'll run into him in person. I thought I had all my bases covered, except for maybe running into him at Wal-mart or something, but I was wrong. I was on Myspace and I realized I had uploaded some videos I had forgotten about. One of them is a video of us messing around and being silly. I'm holding the camera and talking to him while he's blowing bubbles at me and telling me he loves me, looking all perfect and smiling at me with that perfect smile of his that always made me melt. Talking to each other in that nauseating couple talk.

I almost started crying right then and there at work after I had seen that. Truthfully, it's not like I WANT to get back together with him. He broke my heart after I had already gotten out of a bad relationship before him, and he's completely lost all my trust. But just watching that video where we're all happy and in love was almost too much for me to bear. It just mad me so sad remembering what COULD have been.

You can't change the past I know that, but it doesn't mean you can't wish things had gone differently. As long as I live I will always regret that things with him didn't work out. It wasn't the right time for him though as he's young. I understand this but it's still sad to have the past shoved in your face.

1 comment:

  1. I had to do the same thing - get rid of all the reminders. It sucks that you ran into one accidentally. And the worst kind too - a happy mushy moment. But at least you know that you deserve better than him even in the good moments. That's a good place to be.