Monday, September 15, 2008

Bums and dreams

Well its payday and i am almost broke already. Its a good feeling to know that the bills are paid but i dont even want to think about food and gas for the next few weeks. I stopped at moms this morning so she could give me $ to refill the birth control, since im out and thats never good lol, and i asked her if she had heard from the brother. And i guess he stayed over there on sat night and told her he was going to talk to me. I have no idea about what. I feel horrible about the whole situation but what am i supposed to do about it. The kid should be more responsible and ive really been carrying him long enough. Hes a grown man and im his little sister, he should be the one thats more responsible, not the other way around. I just dont know what to do. U know, im sitting here ragging on him but truthfully we all know theres no way im going to make him live on the street. God, what a sap I am.

On another note, I had the craziest dream last night. Ever since i became single, sleeping alone has taken some getting used to again. Sometimes I have trouble sleeping so i stay up late and watch movies or reruns of the O.C. , one of the best shows ever by the way. Well last night was one of those nights. When i finally did pass out around 2 am, which was stupid since i had to be up by 9 to go pay bills, i had a dream that someone was standing over me and was pulling a blanket over my face to kill me. I have these scary dreams sometimes and its weird because i know in my dream its a dream and i fight to wake myself up. Well this was no different and it was weird because i had just fallen asleep. I knew i was dreaming but it felt so real and i fought to wake myself up, and when i did i stared around the room, like holy crap. It would have been nice to snuggle next to the ex, but of course he wasn't over. Sometimes its nice to have the bed all to myself but last night was not one of them.

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